thought bubbles

Today I realized I am an adult

2009-01-19T12:28:00.000-08:00

I am 23 years old, I will be 24 in 4 months, but for the first time today, I fully realized my adulthood.
What brought on this sudden realization, something which I should have been attuned to oh, say, 5 years ago??
String Cheese.
Yup. No typo.
String Cheese.
I was eating lunch, and just about finished, halfway through the cheese. I realized that I wasn't stringing it like you so obviously are supposed to, but just, eating it, like 'normal'. Part of the reason is that I didn't have TIME to consume it with the enjoyment that is the purpose of said cheese. All I could do was read my book, and think about all the stuff I have to do today...File some forms, create some spreadsheets, make an agenda for a meeting, run some errands, hit the gym...no time for stringing cheese there!
You can no longer be a kid if you can't string the cheese.
Man.
I'm pretty bummed out.
By the way, String Cheese tastes totally different when you don't string it.
And now 'string' doesn't even look like a word anymore.

When life happens.

2009-01-13T10:03:00.000-08:00

When I moved home, I thought I would get a full-time job, and work with the youth at church a bit. I didn't expect two jobs instead! What an incredibly perfect place I am in though. Letting God take control of your life is the perfect position to be in, everything is always as it should be, (when we can let go enough and truly let His will be done, even when its hard), and is so much better when you bow down, and let Him be lifted up and glorified, and take control of your life.
Here is something I thought would never happen in my life: Becoming a Youth Leader. I guess I can check that one off my list? Granted, it is a very temporary position, but I wouldn't want it any other way.
It is just so interesting to me to see how God works. I obviously have some sort of burden for today's teenagers, but why would God give me this job? What is He doing? I kind of love being in the position of now knowing exactly what God' will is, because now I get to pray and seek out exactly what His purpose is, and man, do I have to be active about this one!
It is funny looking back on the time line of my life, at least in the recent past, and see all the way's God has been preparing me for this. Working with the School of Ministry Development (which is basically learning how to be a leader), staffing DTS and leading outreach, working with Mission Adventures, I can see several specific lessons I learned in each of these things that will directly influence me now. Funny how God takes you through something, and you have no idea why, and then some time later you are in the midst of something else, and the light bulb goes off; "Oh, I get it!"
I really feel excited and a bit in awe about this new development. One thing I know for sure: I could not do this without the help of the volunteer team. Paul (well, ok, the LORD) has put together and incredibly gifted team of passionate people who love our teenagers, and I certainly couldn't do this without their time and devotion to the ministry. Which, by the way, I'm not really, Josh (who I've known practically my whole life, and truly is my little brother) is in the boat with me, and man, thank you God for such a gifted person! I am so excited too see all the different talents and gifts really be given a chance to shine and be developed firther in our team, we all have so much to offer, and I am grateful for the opportunity for everyone to shine the light that God has placed in them.
My days have gone from maybe working several hours a few days a week to overtime. And school is starting next week! My plate is over-flowing, and that is such a blessing. I hope I can maintain that attitude when the going gets rough though!
So of course I have to mention my favorite topic of discussion...Missions. So we get to plan the Mission Trip for this summer, which incredibly excites me! I will be totally honest here, I want to see this trip go international. I want to pray about it and hear God say some amazing country that is in need of this specific group of teenagers to go and care for it's hurting people. I'm afraid though, that in this time in our church, I would be met with all resistance. Bottom line. Pretty lame, right? Really, it comes down to what the Lord is saying, that is all that truly matters, but yeah. I think we'll be going Urban America this year, and that is quite all right with me. There is always next summer. :)

Insides

2009-01-05T22:18:00.000-08:00

For a while (you may have noticed) I had stopped updating, as a semi-conscious protest to the fact that I am no longer traveling the world. If I'm not out there having exciting adventures and experiencing new things, what the heck am I supposed to write about?
Every day is an adventure, and every day has something worth writing about, so while I am not committing to writing every day (thought that would be lovely), I am re-committing to keeping this updated much more often, updating my thoughts, struggles, revelations, and funny thoughts.

Tonight finds me effortlessly more busy than when I first moved home. I still have my part-time job, I'm still working with the youth at church (I'm sure I will be writing much more about that very very soon), and school is starting soon! I can not even begin to describe HOW EXCITED I am to go back to school! 4 years ago I left, and I am over-excited at the thought of going back, taking it seriously, and learning learning learning, all day long. Well, not really all day long, I only have three classes, but still. It is kind of a bummer that I am 23 and still in Community College, but I for not one second regret that fact, I've done some pretty cool things in the meanwhile, and I have definitely not been wasting my time, or life.

The biggest thing I have been going through lately is the struggle that I am alone. I have had all these experiences, I have learned all these things, I have this whole entire side of me that no one knows or understands. I want to share it, I want people to understand what I've truly been through, what I've seen, but at the same time, I only want to share all of that with people who TRULY want to know, who ask and mean it when they say, "How was it? What was it like?" I have only had one person, one, honestly want to know that side of me, since I've come home. I hope this doesn't sound like I'm blaming anyone, or throwing accusations around, or accusing people of not caring, because that is just not true. It is simply that people can't care about something they don't understand or have had experience with. I know I am not alone, and I know that everyone in my life truly cares for and loves me (um, pretty sure they wouldn't bother being in my life if they didn't :), and I know that. Bottom line. Sometimes it just feels lonely, being the only one, correction, feeling like the only one carrying with me what I do.
Sometimes I feel like I am two people, YWAM Katie, and Home Katie. I don't know how to reconcile the both of those and create one cohesive person, without leaving others behind, offending others, or losing part of me. I know that doesn't make much sense...I am merely writing down things that first come into my head. I would love to talk deeper about it if you want to though.

Getting to the core of it, most desperately the desire of my heart is beautifully summed up in this song slash video...

Brooke Fraser - Albertine video

2009-01-05T22:14:00.001-08:00

2009-01-05T21:56:00.001-08:00

The...Bible?

2008-12-04T23:22:00.000-08:00

I found this article expounding on some fresh, post-modern, 'relevant' new editions of the Bible.
What is your opinion of this?

I was going to copy and paste the article, but then I thought about plagiarism and thought better not to chance it...Hopefully you follow this link and comment me your thoughts!

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=97537385

Life.

2008-11-22T22:55:00.000-08:00

When I first moved home, I thought that I would have a really hard time adjusting, and have to fight for a lot of stuff. But I had a really grace-full transition, I was welcomed with open arms by so many groups of people, and given homes in more than just my own, if that makes sense. I started working with the youth at church right away, so I had (have) an avenue to pour into people everything inside of me.

I have been home just over three months now, and this last week I have found myself struggling, really struggling. It seems that my fight is beginning now. I realized that my relationship with God has been severely lacking, apparently I thought I could live my life without Him, for a good part. Have I not learned better?

Everything seems to be finally hitting me, and it has not been easy. I have to initiate my relationship with God, I have to be the one to seek after him, to seek His presence daily. No one will do that for me, no one will hand that to me. The hardest part for me is no longer living in a community where we are all walking the same road, all understand each other so clearly. There was always someone to ask me how my relationship with God is going, always someone to offer to pray for me, always someone to encourage me, to challenge me. It was a two-way street, and this is the group of people I worked, lived, and played with.
I love the community I am in now, and am so grateful to everyone who has loved me, and who has become an intricate part of my heart, so please hear only what I am saying.
I just miss being around people who deeply understand me.

I know specifically that the Lord has me here, now, and I don't want to miss a minute of it, but how often am I worshiping the Lord in His splendor? I can do that anywhere, yet it lacks in my life lately.
There is a purpose for me being here, now, and I don't want to miss out, on any of that.

If you are reading this, I would love your prayers that I would have the discipline to stand firm in the love and all lessons I have learned in my time away and abroad.

Ponderings...

2008-11-09T15:08:00.000-08:00

A few thoughts; not my own, exactly, but my heart is aligned...

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning

Commentary.

My confession:

I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees.. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu . If people want a crche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'

In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.' ...

Working Woman

2008-10-14T08:23:00.000-07:00

What does 8.23 am on a Tuesday morning find me doing? Getting ready for work of course. Ive been working at the Town Square Library for almost a month now! The really funny thing is...I made more money as a missionary than I do as a 'legitimately' working woman. Go figure!
I just thought that was endlessly funny.
I enjoy working there, though I would really like to work the Information Desk, help people find what they need, what they don't know they are looking for, just pointing them in the right direction. That sounds immensely satisfying to me. Instead, the other DA's (Departmental Aide) and I race around to see who can shelve a cart of books the quickest. Good times...?...
By the end of next week I will know whether or not I will be interviewing for the PD job, and I am hoping against hope that this will work out...I think. When I got to the test, (with the other 200 people!) they mentioned that the job is worked in shifts, and holidays and weekends. I don't know if that meant it was a "this will be your life", or "this may have to happen from time to time." I just want a 9-5 job please! No weekends, no holidays. Goodness.
Truly though, I only want this job if it is pleasing to the Lord, and is where He is guiding me, so I leave it in His hands.
Alas, the books are calling me, and I can stave off jumping in my cold car no longer.
Au Revoire! (I don't even know if that is spelled right...spell check didn't recognize it at all!)

All Things Youth

2008-09-26T22:44:00.000-07:00

I noticed that I have been talking a bit about the youth ministry, how about some visual aids to go along that theme? I'm pretty sure I will be blogging a lot more about the ministry, and/or the students, and what God is doing, so I hope you enjoy...

Youth Group...we had to play an intense memory game...our team won!

Balloon-blowing...NOT my favorite...but still fun! We won that one too!

Paul speaking during Sunday night Youth Group, getting ready for worship.

The High School Leadership Retreat at Mount Hermon, wahoo!

The High School Mission Trip to Vancouver, Canada.By far our favorite past-time!

Courtney (also a leader), Holly, Me, and Brent during our servant Evangelism day. There is an older blog about teh trip that goes into detail about this day.

Our small group! Very small, hehe...

A Giver of Good Gifts

2008-09-24T22:49:00.000-07:00

This weekend I stumbled upon a favorite passage of scripture:

Luke 11: 11-12
11"Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? 12 Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13 If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"

It's been in the back of my head for the last few days, and I even re-read it this morning.
It turns out it was a pretty good day for this verse!
A few days ago my parents said that they were going to hook the cable/dvr up in my room. In all honesty, I think they are doing it for themselves more than me (and it costs them nothing extra, just the installation fee), so we don't have to fight over the tv all the time. In my room I have a teeny tiny 13 inch box tv that is positively ancient, and I only ever use it if I can't sleep at night and want to watch a movie, it gets no channels at all.

Anyway, tonight me and dad were on our own for dinner, and we weren't really hungry at the time we left, so dad said we should go check out TV's. So we did.
My father, who is a giver of good gifts, suddenly buys me a 26 inch, flat-screen LCD HDTV.

I have done nothing to deserve this! I am not worthy, I am not in any way deserving of something so grand. And yet my daddy, who loves me more than anything else in this world, does this great thing for me, simply becuase he loves me.

Thinking about this, how much GREATER are the gifts that the Lord gives us?! And notice He doesn't say 'gifts', He says the Holy Spirit, which apparently is the GREATEST gift of all. Receiving the Holy Spirit = Greatest Gift. Hmmm.
What does that look like, receiving the Holy Spirit? Well, I can only speak for myself, and at this point, I won't, so if you are reading this you can ask God for yourself. :)

My dad is the world's greatest. He has sacrificed so much in his life so that I won't have to. He has bested all the odds stacked against him to succeed greatly in his life. He provides everything I need, and most everything I want (I'm his baby girl, he's still wrapped around my finger! Though I promise I did absolutely nothing to provoke this wonderful event!).
My daddy is a giver of good gifts.
So is my Jesus.
I love my daddy...
simply because he loves me first.

Sleepless In Vacaville

2008-09-23T01:01:00.000-07:00

I'm tired. Exhausted might be closer to the truth, but I just can not manage to turn my brain off and calm my body down. I am wide awake. At 1 in the morning. I have to wake up soon. Dang.

I spent this last weekend in the Santa Cruz mountains, attending the Senior High Leadership Retreat at Mount Hermon. I attended once before, several years ago, and it was fun to go back and experience somewhat the same thing, just with new people...whom I love :)

It was fun being a leader, watching the students take on leadership responsibilities within the youth group. Watching them slowly starting to realize that we believe in them, and want to treat them as adults (when they act like it ;) was pretty awesome. It is interesting to me to see how down on themselves teenagers are, and I think a big part of it might be that parents, and really society, do not give them enough credit and the chance to take ownership over things. Granted, moody teenagers can only handle so much, but I think we forget that in this time when they are starting to truly develop themselves, actively ask themselves who they are, and struggle through the challenges that life throws at them that ultimately helps guide their character, for the most part, the more responsibility we give them, the more responsible they want to be.
Just a thought.

Today I spent a few lovely hours sitting in my favorite Starbucks, sipping my second favorite brew, talking with one of my favorite people. Courtney Ronald is pretty awesome.
We talked all over the place, but generally our words were centered around God, faith, and what our lives look like with Jesus at the center. I really can't imagine a better way to spend my time...well, that's a lie (I could be traveling to some exotic country sharing the love of Jesus after all), but it is most certainly one of my favorite ways!

We talked a lot about our weaknesses, and for the sake of vulnerability and transparency, two things I value, I will discuss them here. Though the list probably never ends, for any of us, I'm pretty sure I wont hit on everything...

One of my biggest downfalls is negativity. I am SUCH a positive person, I ALWAYS view EVERYTHING positively, and always focus on drawing out the good in everything and everyone. I think sometimes this is to a fault, and I do not always have the best grasp on reality because of it, but I just do NOT understand why people would choose to go through life so down and depressed when they don't have to. When talking with someone who tends to spin things negatively, my reaction in the past has been to walk away, and avoid them entirely. That is definitely NOT the way Jesus wants us to interact with one another, and I really want to work on that, but I am just not sure how, really. I think one thing may be to realize that there is something deeper going on than I know, and not to "judge a book by it's cover" and write someone off like I know everything that is going on. People are worth it, period.

I don't think this one falls so much under the category of weaknesses, but it's something I struggle with, and that counts. I struggle a LOT with trying to find the balance between living up to the truth I know, and not being some 'over-spiritual' know-it-all, horridly annoying Christian. There are certain foundations that I have built, certain truths I have walked through, and many faith issues that I know to be true, and I can't, and don't want, to deny or downplay that. Even more, though, I do NOT want to be that person who always makes people feel bad about themselves, and come across as if I'm judging people because they are doing wrong. Where is the balance between accountability and judgement?
Could it be love?
How do I accurately portray that?

I hope this doesn't read as some down on myself, needs encouragement blog, because it is not. Positivity is a good thing, because I know that I am a wonderful person, and I have SO much to add and offer to life, and it is all because of Jesus. What love to live in!

Well, my eyes are feeling twice as large as they are, hopefully the net few minutes will find me drifting blissfully off to the land of the unconscious...au revoire...

Thoughts, I guess.

2008-09-17T22:33:00.000-07:00

So tonight was the first night of small groups. I'm co-leading (apparently I have an apprentice!) a group for senior high girls, 11-12 grade. It was a casual night, everyone hanging out and getting to know each other mostly. There are three groups, 9-10 grade girls, 11-12 grade girls, and one big guys group. We all meet at one of the students homes, and split up from there. We only had one girl in our group, so it was fun just being together and getting to know each other a bit better.

One thing I have been thinking about lately are the qualities of a leader. What does the world say a leader should be? What does Jesus say a leader should be? Looking at it, sometimes they coincide, other times they are the opposite spectrum.
I could go on and on, comparing and contrasting ideas from the two, going in depth with explanations and definitions, but mostly, it's too late and I'm too tired.

Praying about it, the only thing I can do is hold myself accountable to what Jesus is asking of me. And what He is asking of me looks different than what He is asking of my leader, my friend, my parents, you. I have to constantly be submitting my entire self to Him, seeking Him over me, in every way. And truly, that is the only content place to be. It's not always comfortable, most often times it is not, but I just can not get away from it, being in the center of God's will is the only place I want to rest.

What would it look like if we all sought after that with all our hearts, and didn't stop until we achieved it? What would it look like if we truly understood what the love of God means, what it looks like? How much MORE we would truly love our neighbor, and ourselves.
I want to be a person of love. I want to love truly, and with abandon.

yikes...its been awhile!

2008-09-09T20:31:00.000-07:00

Wow, i didn't realize how much time has passed since my last entry, I apologize! I guess this might be a bit random...

What are these days finding me doing?

- Watching all four seasons of lost ( I finally caught up today)
- Looking for a job (I interviewed at the library today!)
- Cooking dinner for the family...tonight we had Curried Chicken With Cashews and farre.
- Scrapbooking my many adventures abroad...I just finished this last trip to Thailand and the Philippines.
- Getting myself dug deep with the Youth Ministry at church. This year I will be leading a small group of 11-12 grade high school girls. I am also on the Missions Committee, and my personal agenda on there, among others, is to see our church going international with adult short-term mission trips. Get the Word out.
- trying to keep myself busy, my basic only schedule right now involves people only. It's not bad, but I'm ready for a bit of work and education in there as well.

What is going through my head right now?

I am pondering the love of God. It is a pretty endless conversation to be having, I suppose. The discovery and journey of love is endless, and will always trump over everything else that tries to stand in it's way...I think I am thinking that because I can hear my dad watching the original Star Wars on T.V., and isn't Star Wars all about good versus evil? It just seems to me so blatantly obvious that that fundamental war is biblically based, and so many metaphors are thrown at you throughout that saga.
...tangent (on Star Wars?)...sorry.

I have been thinking lately. I have been thinking about leadership. About being a leader. Being a leader is a big deal, a very big deal. I think too often it is not taken seriously enough, and failure ensues. You are responsible over every aspect of a person, and it is your duty to protect them, to see them grow. I think it doesn't matter if it is "spiritual" or not.

I'm sorry this isn't more cogent, I think I have been in a place lately of discovery, of figuring out my life now that I am here at home, and while it has been a fairly un-eventful transition, (thank you Lord!), there is so much I am trying to establish a foundation on here at home.
I think the big thing is the balance between living up to the truth, Word, and knowledge I know and have learned, and not being so over-bearing that I turn others away. After all , I want my life to be about living in the love of Jesus, and pointing others in that direction by the way I choose to live, I don't want to be labeled some 'over-spiritual christian', that really turns me off. It isn't about religion, it's about relationship...

First John Four. Love.

2008-08-15T20:38:00.003-07:00

Come close listen to the story
About a love more faithful than the morning
The Father gave his only son just to save us

The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the Father's broken heart
Tears were filling heaven's eyes
The day that true love died, the day that true love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died, the day that true love died

Search your heart, you know you can't deny it
Come on, lose your life just so you can find it
The Father gave his only son just to save us

The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the father's broken heart
Tears were filling heaven's eyes
The day that true love died, the day that true love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died, the day that true love died

Now Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
oh He is alive
He rose again

When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died, the day that true love died

Come close listen to the story
phil wickham

this is what i live for, this is what my life is all about. the very core of who i am, who we are, is this. everything i am, everything i do, everything i say, everything i think, i want to flow from this source. love. reality.
the only thing in life that makes complete sense.
what a privilege.
what a romance.
for us.

God Is Love
7-10My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn't know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can't know him if you don't love. This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they've done to our relationship with God.

11-12My dear, dear friends, if God loved us like this, we certainly ought to love each other. No one has seen God, ever. But if we love one another, God dwells deeply within us, and his love becomes complete in us—perfect love!

13-16This is how we know we're living steadily and deeply in him, and he in us: He's given us life from his life, from his very own Spirit. Also, we've seen for ourselves and continue to state openly that the Father sent his Son as Savior of the world. Everyone who confesses that Jesus is God's Son participates continuously in an intimate relationship with God. We know it so well, we've embraced it heart and soul, this love that comes from God.
To Love, to Be Loved
17-18God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ's. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love.

19We, though, are going to love—love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first.

20-21If anyone boasts, "I love God," and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won't love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can't see? The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You've got to love both.
The Message

transitioning and other things

2008-08-15T20:26:00.003-07:00

transitioning

2008-08-06T19:52:00.000-07:00

my life is in a transition. in one week, i will pack up my life. in a week and a half, i will be driving home, back to vacaville, for good. well, for now. i feel like God is calling me home to finish school, and to take part in the ripple effect youth ministry at my church. right now, i am still at the ywam la base, finishing up my responsibilities and commitments here before heading home. for the last month, ive almost felt like ive been torn in two, with half of me at home, and half of me here. im just ready to be home and settled already! im ready for school, to get back in the swing of things, to dump loads of information into my brain too quickly, to take years to process through it all, and constantly be surprised by situations im in that utilize the information i thought i would never even remember. im ready to pour my heart into the students in the youth group, to pray for them and watch God answer those prayers, to get his heart for the ministry and come alongside Gods vision and do my part to champion Gods beautiful people further into their kingdom destinies.
the thing i will miss the most about living here is the community i have with my roommates. most nights we sit in the living room on or lovely pillows we made watching so you think you can dance and working on our laptops. we cry and laugh together, hold each other accountable to the secret things, and yell at each other when we forgot it was our weekend to clean. i love them all, and will dearly miss each and every one!
here are a few photos i found in my computer of us...

roomies at a wedding!
karisse, me, amy, jodi.

amy and i after eating ring pops
at a bachelorette party!

melany and i cleaning our fridge!!

Vancouver or bust!!!

2008-08-02T19:05:00.000-07:00

wow. so i got the opportunity to go on the mission trip to canada with my home church's youth group.
i just got home, and heres what happened:
oh, first, heres a list of everyone:
Leaders:
paul and mary kate
dan
amy
me
courtney
joe
emily
Students:
carey
stephanie
caitlyn
moe
brent
ryan
logan
matt
holly
i think thats everyone...so back to canada...

day 1 sunday- we meet at the church (i know about 15 percent of the people going, i left long enough ago that most people have already gone through and graduated, so i was a little nervous and a whole lot excited to get to know this new crew!) for a send-off breakfast before taking off in three rented mini-vans. paul, the leader, has put together a seating chart, to ensure that people are getting to know others, and groups aren't clicking where they shouldn't. we take off at 9 am. i cant really remember much else about this day, except that at our first stop at the stupid olive pit (sorry paul!) i left my wallet in the bathroom and didnt notice till 30 minutes later, so our van had to go back, and the other vans had a lovely time at wal-mart. i was so embarrassed that that was everyones first impression of me! and later people did say that i won the award for most distinct first impression. oops! around 7pm we roll into eugene, oregon, order pizza, and get room assignments at the econo-lodge! but it was actually really nice for what it was!

day 2 monday- more driving. lots of driving. nothing really exciting about that, but i loved driving through seattle!! im totally living there one day...we get to the ywam base, the ma program is actually being held in a church...huge church, around 4pm, i think. the border was fine, not very long of a wait, but amy was funny to watch, all tense and telling everyone to hush. so we get to the base after getting a little lost (it was the first time it happened! i guess it was coming), and et up with the staff and the other two teams with us that week, camp spalding from washington, and pilgrim church from new jersey. we are shown to our rooms, ours was a sunday school room for little kids themed with murals from noahs ark. we had foamies to sleep on, they were way small, but better than nothing! it was awesome meeting new ywam people, we got to share a little bit about our experiences, and it really made me feel at home with everyone! the first session was that night, mostly just intro stuff which was cool.

day 3 tuesday-urban plunge! the whole day was about experiencing vancouver, especially the downtown east side, which is where skid row is located. and everything associated with it. we broke up into teams, i was with emily, brent and logan. there were guidelines to follow, boundaries to stay within, and questions to find answers too. the day was about learning to love people, not saving them, and it was an amazing time! we shared our sack lunches with a man who brought some friends over, and after awhile he brought out his pipe and smoked...it wasn't tobacco, but nonetheless, they were really friendly, and we learned a lot about "first nations" people, who are the natives of the land. we were challenged to sit on the sidewalk for fifteen minutes on Robson Street, which is Vancouver's rodeo drive. this was by far the hardest past for me, i was sitting in front of some shops that i normally shop at. for a few minutes, a kept my bag open in front of me and wrote down some answers to previous questions for the day. i was totally hiding behind my huge sunglasses, and eventually i knew i had to put it all away, take my sunglasses off, and look up at people. i hated every second of it! it was so hard staring at people just like me, i wanted to scream out, "im just like you!!!!" and as soon as i thought that, God spoke to me and said, "thats what every homeless person is saying also." it was SUCH a humbling experience, and i am so glad i did it. there were many other things we did and experienced, but i cant remember at the moment, but let me tell you, Vancouver has a LOT to offer us! im so glad i got a chance to see it all! that night we had a session, our speaker this week was joseph "guiseppe" watson, and i love him! one thing that really stuck out to me that he said was that if he can get people to talk about their dreams, they will open up to us about anything.

day 4 wednesday-this day was full of lecture, breakfast prep, worship, intercession, and workshops. i loved the workshops! the first was about cultural sensitivity, and i did like what the speaker had to say, but my very favorite one was the discussion group about injustice. our group did such a good job here! we heard and learned all about what is going on in the world of injustice today, and the thoughts and opinions the students had to offer up were amazing! we all committed to doing one thing to help stop injustice, and will be holding each other accountable to this as we settle in at home. this night was -passion play night. i guess every base has their own take on what this night looks like. the vancouver staff is small, so instead of reenacting the time of Jesus' crucification, they put together a series of clips and songs from the Passion of the Christ, and had a timeline of pictures set up for everyone to walk around and meditate on. there was worship music playing, and everyone was invited to sit and really understand what is was that Jesus has done for us. earlier that day we had a leaders meeting, and we talked about how much fighting is going on within the group, and joe had the idea that the leaders should wash the students feet after the session. we got that set up and after the night was over we had the students come into the chapel, where we had set up two foot-washing stations, one for guys, one for girls. immediately this spirit inside everyone broke, and for the first time, every single person in our group fell on their faces before Jesus, bared their hearts, and shared the real them with everyone. im not saying all is well and perfect, there is still a lot that God is going to do in everyone, but for the first time we say glimpses of truth, and people who never prayed out loud before prayed for the first time. writing this is giving me chills all over again. the Spirit of God was so thick in that room, and that was something i desperately desired for the group, that we would grasp just how deep and wide His love for us is! it was an amazing night, and ever since then we experienced a shift in the group. it is something that we will have to continue to remember to live in once we've settled in at home. in the midst of all this, i forgot to mention our temple tour! we had the opportunity to visit a hindu and buddhist temple, and a muslim mosque. the hindu temple was my favorite, because it reminded me of nepal, and my love for that country and the people runs deep in my heart. the buddhist temple was pretty, but i just spent the last 7 weeks in a buddhist nation, so it was nothing new, but nice to experience it with people who have never encounteres buddhism. the mosque was a really cool experience, but the man was pretty one-sided in his views of many things, but that wasn't so upsetting in itself. it was a long and educated day, and i loved watching people learn and discover what much of the rest of the world believes in.

day 5 thursday- this day was full of servant evangelism. i think. the days are blending, but hopefully ive separated it well enough. this day was BY FAR my favorite day. again, we broke up into teams. i was with courtney, brent and holly. we went to the real ywam base and learned about how we could pray for them as they struggle through purchasing their property. basically, servant evangelism is the opportunity to serve Jesus ans his people, however that looks. we were in our teams, praying about what to do for the day. after hearing a few ideas, our team decided that we wanted to buy coffee and give it away, to homeless people and non-homeless people alike. we were just really into the idea of loving on people and meeting a need, no matter who they were, we just wanted to bless people. we each got coffee for ourselves (okay i have to describe my cup of joy! its called a Turks Stovetop, and its a long espresso with liquid gold and creama. liquid gold! its just brown sugar dissolved in honey, but MAN is that my new favorite drink! its not even sweet at all like it sounds, except for a touch at the bottom, its just dreamy!!) and a black coffee for another person. we stood outside and offered coffee to people. none of the 'regular' people went for it, though they were very friendly and liked the idea of what we were doing. we gave all our coffee to homeless people in the park, who so appreciated what we were doing. we saw a lady selling items, and we struck up a conversation with her. her name was tammy, and she was selling things to help support her daughter. we asked her if we could eat lunch with her, and ended up buying pizza for her. we had sack lunches, but were kind of tired of eating them over and over again, so we gave them away to a few stoned guys in a corner park, who very much appreciated our goodies! we bought pizza and along the way stopped at a recommended bakery and picked up a dozen cookies and day old treats to pass out and share with people later. we sat and ate lunch with tammy for a good 45 minutes, and learned about who she is and what her life is all about. it was a new experience, and we we really enjoyed just sitting with someone new and sharing life. we finally left, and walked up and down commercial drive, sharing cookies with anyone who would take one. we met a few interesting people along the way, but by far the biggest takeaway from that day is the fact that we KNOW we are doing to start a "give it all away" ministry, focusing specifically on buying coffee and giving it to people, and hopefully from there it will expand into many other aspects. at the end of the day we met up and everyone shared what their day looked like, everything from picking up trash to passing out sunflowers, making balloon animals in the park and cleaning up graffiti, our group served that city well! and everything we learned, we are taking back to Vacaville with us! that night was the commitment service, where we learned all about inukshuks, and making commitments to Jesus, and our group. it was a wonderful time of worship, and i really saw the students connecting with the heart of God through worship, which was awesome to experience. After all this, we rushed down to the waterfront to watch the world’s fireworks competition, which included the U.S., Canada and China this year. The show that night was for the U.S., and though the length was impressive, (30 minutes) the fireworks themselves were pretty bland, though I’d never seen the spiral fireworks before. It was fun to hang out with everyone and be silly for a few hours though!

day 6 saturday-okay so I realize that im probably very much mixing up the days, its all blending together, so im going to give you the breakdown for the rest of the trip as best I can, but im sure ive confused things….sorry!

so this day was the day of the salvation army. We went to the downtown east side to serve at the Salvation Army Harbour Light ministry. (Yes, it’s HarboUr, Canada is part of the commonwealth and there is a lot of English influence!) Our group split in two, half went down to the basement area to do lots of cleanup (I peeked in there, and I saw lots of mice and bad smells!) and the other half went to clean the kitchen. Moe and I were sent to the laundry room to clean two laundry machines, and Moe sure taught me a lesson in cleaning, shoot! After that we went up and joined the other team in cleaning the kitchen. We basically scrubbed the walls and tile surfaces, and tidied up anything we could. That particular base served hundreds of meals a day, and it was hard enough for the staff just to get everything done on time, so it blessed us to be able to help them out a little bit.

day 7 sunday- day off. I think this day was church day. As we were staying at a church, that was still functioning, we had to pack everything up, store it, basically make it look like we were never there. We also had to be gone the whole day because of church functions and other things. The church was protestant, and wouldn’t you know the preacher spoke about Pentecost and the “spizermarinctum”. I’m not even going to attempt to explain it…after church we headed to Jericho Beach for the day. A group of us went into town, and after finding every restaurant that was closed, we stumbled upon an open bistro, and had a delectable lunch! We shopped around a little, saw a bit more of the city, and headed back to the beach. Most of the day we just lounged around and played games and such. The staff made a wonderful dinner of hot dogs and Nanaimo Bars (yumm, check out this recipe!) and we had lovely worship on the dock. We finally headed back to the church and played around some more, then headed off to bed!

Day 8 Monday. So this day we went to the Union Gospel Mission bright and early to serve for the day. First thing we did was orientation with one of the head staff, and we left quite the impression! It took us about an hour to introduce ourselves, we laughed a LOT! After that we went up to the dining area to either sit and talk with the patrons, or clean up. I ended up sitting with a nice lady, Ella, for most of the day. She shared about her life, and it just doesn’t cease to amaze me just how much some people have gone through in such a short amount of time. We ate soup, and it was really good! We also had lunch a little later, and my friend had a friend come and so we parted ways. Once the crowds died down, we cleaned up from lunch, and headed out. The UGM let people stay at their facility and put their heads down on the tables to sleep a little, or come down from trips. We happened to be there on a really quiet day, luckily, but sometimes it gets pretty heated.

Day 9 Tuesday This was the day of the Chiliwagon! I know, doesn’t it just sound like so much fun! We went to a kitchen in the am to help prepare chili and banana bread for the Chiliwagon, which sets up camp in a park and serves, well, chili! Half of us made chili, half of us made banana bread. Can you guess which team I was on? The banana bread! Of course. We made a TON of banana bread, I think when all was sai and done we made around thirty loaves. I have no idea how much chili was prepared! Unfortunately we couldn’t stay to help serve it, we had showers to attend to at the local community center! Courtney and I decided to ditch the showers and headed back to the mostly empty church for a lovely hour of playing the piano and reading books. I love that girl! That night was the banquet, where the staff prepared a wonderful fancy meal and we all dressed up. Some of the boys took “dressing” up a little TOO literally, but we all looked pretty snazzy! During dinner we had time to talk about things that we learned and impacted us, and afterwards each team got the opportunity to share prayer requests and have everyone pray over them. Then it was time for cleanup! We all got assigned different tasks, they played hyper music and we all went crazy. I think we might have even cleaned a little!

Day 10 Wednesday time to part ways with Canada! After a fancy breakfast as a send-off, we all packed up and headed out. The border was a bit lengthy to cross, so a few of us decided to get out on no-mans-land and played on the lawn. The other two teams also happened to be there, and they got out too! We all had a mini-reunion and played around for a few minutes before crossing. Once we got through that, it was all downhill from there. The weight of everything we did started to hit us, and we all mellowed right down and thought about the last 10 days. After a LONG day of driving, we get to Eugene and our good ol’ Econo-Lodge with the same fabulous roommates.

Day 11 Thursday saw our very last day together as a team. The day was realllly long, and the drive realllly boring, minus a few moments where we decided to hang out the windows dancing to electronic, and film ourselves making up conversation for the van behind us. We finally roll in to the Sacramento car rental place, and part ways.

Whew! There is sooooo much more that happened, and I know my writing got kind of lame towards the end, but this, in a nutshell, is what happened when a crazy group decided to head north and love Jesus.

Click here to look at pictures from the trip!

KIVA

2008-07-09T15:30:00.000-07:00

so my brilliant friend Karisse (there's a link to her blog Musings on the right) has introduced me to Kiva.
Kiva's mission is to connect people through lending for the sake of alleviating poverty. it is an organization that allows people with opportunity to lend to those seeking it in other nations. You can pick any person or group of people, and choose how much you want to lend to them. by lending to them, you help them start a business that they otherwise would not be able to do. they set up a re-payment system, whether in one lump some or monthly installments, and when you are fully paid back, you have the option to use that money to help another budding business. most of the businesses come from countries where the economy and government make it difficult for entrepreneurs to make a living.

I feel like this is one way I can help by sharing with others the insurmountable blessings and opportunities i have been given. I factored what it costs me to buy one coffee a day (the coffee room here is just too irresistible), plus happy hour at claim jumpers (a few of us have a standing date on wednesday nights), and matched that to help someone.

theres a cool story with how i chose my person. i was browsing the website, seeing what exactly it involved, and decided i wanted to help, but had to leave it for later as there was work to be done. i was at a thai restaurant getting dinner with my friend melany, and i asked God who i should pick. i felt like he told me patience, and i was like, "okay God, ill wait." when i got home, i started looking at all the different entrepreneurs in africa, since i knew that i wanted to help someone from there. (i love africa, my soul just agrees with the spirit of the people there!) a few people in, i saw my person. her name was patience! Patience Emmanual to be exact. (and i love the emmanual part, since that means 'God with us.") heres the information on patience:

" Patience Emmanuel lives in the town of Igbelerin, in Lagos State, Nigeria. She sells hair products and hair pieces for a living, and also does manicures and pedicures. She spent two years studying this trade before going into business on her own in 2006. Patience is 30 years old, married and has five children. She needs a loan of $1,200 to buy products and hairpieces to sell to her customers, and wishes to extend her thanks to Kiva and to her lenders. "

so thats my girl. this is just one way that we can end human trafficking, because most people that are trafficked live at or below the poverty level. by helping people rise above that, we are helping them have a chance at a better life. this is just one small way that proves that one person really DOES make a difference.

my hope is that after every time my loan is repaid i can double it to help others. my other hope is that this might inspire you to go take a look at the website :)

order in the court

2008-07-03T15:40:00.000-07:00

so the summer program (mission adventures) has this thing every thursday called a panel. they ask base staff to come and answer, or attempt to answer, or shed light on, or share life experience with, questions that the students write down and ask on monday night, the day they arrive here. its girls with girls and guys with guys, and ive been participating in this thing, and i would like to share some thoughts ive been thinking and journaling about in my quiet time, that applied to the panel today.
its about judgment. or more specifically, judging.
we all judge others. whether we are fully aware of it or not, we do. "first impressions" is a fancy way of saying first judgment. when someone says or does something we don't or aren't, regardless of how aware of it we are, we judge them. little judgments. big judgments.
anyway, i asked God how He felt about it, and this is what i feel he said:

-when you judge someone, you strip them of the value i have placed on them, you render them valueless.
-when you judge someone, you are the opposite of me, you place yourself high above them...and thats breaking a commandment, because you are making a god out of yourself.
-never assume you know the full story, even if they don't, i do.
all i need from you is to love them, allow the spirit inside of you be love and truth, don't be anything else, i will take care of it. when it comes to people, your job is to love, let me guide the rest.

needless to say, there was some repenting going on. this is serious stuff. of course judging is bad, but i never knew how personal it was, and how far it keeps us from God when we do it. it is the opposite of his character.
making a god out of myself? its true. when i judge someone, im really promoting myself, saying that im better, im right, they are wrong, im placing more value on me then on them.
it never ceases to amaze me what is really going on with people, and if i would take just a moment and listen to them, to spend time getting to really know them, how much you learn and feel stupid about, because you assumed certain things that were of course untrue.

i hope that this isn't making anyone feel guilty, because thats not the point. im just into sharing my life and what it looks like everyday, and i hope you want to share your life with me, because sharing our lives is what its all about...after our king, of course.

monday bloody monday

2008-06-30T18:54:00.001-07:00

mondays.
sheesh.
now i get why the working world dreads them. its not so much that the weekend is over and its back to work, its that there are simply not enough hours in the day to get everything done!ss
this past year i have been doing different things each season, and every time, every monday, there are just not enough hours in which to start and/or finish everything in. sometimes you just have to let it go. but thats just so hard!
this summer things are especially hectic. but i guess it is all worth it in the end...because friday's are half days!
sheesh.
mondays.

so the end of this summer marks a new beginning season in my life. a big one.
im going back to school...school!
for the last six months i have felt like God has been speaking to me about going back to school, about finishing what ive started, and honoring my parents, for them my getting a college education is a really big deal, and i really want to fulfill their desires.
everything is lining up, and august 16th i am moving home to start school again. going through the process of signing up for classes and talking with a counselor has been interesting, and though i do feel a little bit old to be going through this again, im so glad the time has come to go back to school.
when i first started, i didn't take it seriously, messed around and didn't know what i wanted to do. now that im several years older, im ready to take this seriously, and i am really looking forward to opening my brain and dumping in a ton of information.
there is no one thing that i want to do for the rest of my life, there is just so much out there that i want to experience! i don't think that we were created to do just one thing for our entire lives. there is just so much out there in the world that is ours to take and experience!
all that to say, im pretty sure that the degree i want to pursue (either social science or english lit.) will have nothing to do, at least in whole, with the rest of my life.
i have seen to much of the world to not want to take advantage of the education that is mine for the taking, it just doesn't factor in that i wouldn't receive the education that is so freely open to me.
im looking forward to this change, but im also a little sad at the thought of leaving this place.
new adventure, set before me...im ready!

secular and sacred?

2008-06-24T17:26:00.001-07:00

so theres this unspoken rule when it comes to religion that defines the difference between "secular" and "sacred". everything we do is either one of these. when we go to church sunday morning, it is sacred, when we are in our car sitting in traffic on our way to work, its secular. when we say our nightly prayers, it is sacred, and when we go out on the town it is secular. at least, this is always how we have viewed daily life. separation between church and state...written into our constitution.
i would like to propose (though there have been hundreds before me, im sure) a new train of thought: there is no difference.
let me back up. lets define the words secular and sacred. according to dictionary.com;

secular:

1.	of or pertaining to worldly things or to things that are not regarded as religious, spiritual, or sacred; temporal: secular interests.

2.	not pertaining to or connected with religion (opposed to sacred): secular music.

3.	(of education, a school, etc.) concerned with nonreligious subjects.

sacred:

1.	devoted or dedicated to a deity or to some religious purpose; consecrated.

2.	entitled to veneration or religious respect by association with divinity or divine things; holy.

3.	pertaining to or connected with religion (opposed to secular or profane): sacred music; sacred books.

they are definitive, and very different.
back to the new train of thought.
no difference.
i believe that no matter what we are doing, saying, listening to, hearing, reading, or any other -ing im forgetting, we can be worshiping God.
to demonstrate this, i would like to show you the lyrics to coldplay's new song, viva la vida:

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemies eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing:
"Now the old king is dead, long live the king!"

One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt, and pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword, my shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
Once you go there was never, never an honest word
That was when I ruled the world

It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn't believe what I'd become

Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string (Ooooh)
Ah, who would ever want to be king?

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword, and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

Ooooh Ooooh Ooooh Ooooh Ooooh
(repeat with chorus)

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword, my shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world
Oooooooh Oooooooh Oooooooh

if you dissect these lyrics, or look at them with eyes to see, you can see many layers of what he is singing about, the least of which is jesus, in my opinion.
that is the beauty of songs, you can interpret them however you wish, because they are a form of art, and art tends to be open to interpretation...but this is another discussion for another day.

i was listening to the radio the other day, and this song came on, and as i was listening, really listening, i was struck by how a hugely mainstream "secular" artist could write such profoundly spiritual lyrics. perhaps they are not as secular as the trend is to think?

im not really sure where i am wanting to go with this, so i will end with a proposal;
i propose to you that today when you listen to the radio, open your ears in a new way and listen for the deeper meaning. when you watch a movie, see if there is a deeper, semi-hidden message the author is trying to convey. and look inside a bible, because it is so surprising the themes we find in there that we find over and over again in daily life.

this video is by sigur ros, an icelandic, 'secular' band...

God is a God of ordinary days...

2008-06-19T19:57:00.001-07:00

so i was at the gas station today, and as i was watching a million dollars fly out of the pump (doesn't it really feel like that nowadays?) i realized that my tires could use a little air. i drive my car over to the air and water pump, and paid 75 cents for the air i breathe. but it didn't start. so i go in, ask him to turn it on, and with a glare he does. but then the hose was stuck, i couldn't get it to go more than three feet. so i go in again, and kindly explain to the man that the hose is stuck and i cant get it out, and after staring at me with a blank look and a shrug of the shoulders, a man in line offers to help me out.
as you read that, was your first thought, "run away, quick, don't trust him!" mine sure was. he was an hispanic middle-aged man who has worked with his hands in the sun his whole life. and im pretty sure he was missing a few teeth. my instinct was to slam the door shut and peel out, but i fought it, and said, okay, as my feet were already following him out the door. my brain was doing battle, do i trust him or not? i always felt like, in the situation, i would rather hurt someones feelings by being guarded and not trusting them, rather than get myself into major trouble, but when i was faced with reality, i decided to choose the path of Jesus, and do unto others. i decided i was going to trust him, because even though i live in the middle of the valley, it was broad daylight and there were a million cars in line. and if i wanted to help someone out, i would want them to trust me.
so he helps me get the hose unstuck, and insists on filling my tires for me. now my first thought was, "he wants money." how pathetic of me. he didn't, of course, but if he did, shouldn't i be able to offer a few dollars to a kind gentleman helping out a lady? he was very nice, and when i called him sir he protested, saying it made him feel old. when the air ran out before we were finished, he went in and insisted that the air get turned back on, without me having to pay anything. he said that for as much business as he gives them (i wonder how many cars he has?), they can do him a favor too. and they did. a bit petulantly, if you ask me, but what can you expect from a gas station attendant? im sure with the price of gas today his customers as less than thrilled when they see him, so really, who can blame him entirely? he got the air turned on twice more for me, i would have had to pay $2.25 for stupid AIR otherwise. im fully against the idea of having to pay for air, it sounds so ridiculous i can hardly get the sentence out. anyway, the man helps me, saves me a dollar, and all ends well. as i was driving away, i was thinking about who i am, the kind of person who instantly judges someone by the stories they've heard, and is on guard at all times. i don't want people to be on guard when they are around me, so shouldn't i show trust to others? how else are we going to change this world?
the bible says that the only way people will know we are "christians" is by our love. i hope that today i showed a little bit more faith to one man than he probably gets in a month. (i use " " around christians, because i hesitate to use that word to define myself...this is a whole 'nother blog...historically christians haven't done a very good job showing jesus to people, but rather making them run farther away, and i don't want to be like that. i don't want to be associated with hellfire and brimstone protestors, soap-box preachers, and televangelists that only want your money. im not trying to speak ill of them, because they have a message too, but i am saying that i am a person of love, or i desire to be, and that, above all else, is what i want to shine through.)

as i was on the freeway, on my way home from running errands, an older black suburban drove by me. now, you know how you can by those stupid fake bullet holes to put on your car? well, this guy had a bunch on his, only...they were real!!! real bullet holes!!! it was not the most pleasant of images, but i did find a little irony that on the 118 i saw what most people see on the news. well.

outreach video

2008-06-17T18:53:00.000-07:00

i couldn't figure out how to get the video to show here, so click here to watch the slide show we put together to display a small piece of what our outreach looked like. enjoy...and let me know what you think!

relationships.

2008-06-12T21:07:00.001-07:00

im beginning to understand more fully just how important, how vital, relationships are to our daily lives. to be free, to be sustained, to feel like you are really living, you need relationships. god created us for that! and the best thing about it is when they reflect his character. think about it: god the father, son and holy spirit. (ok so theres this whole three-in-one thing that is just a mystery to us...if you are frustrated when it comes to mysteries of god, check out ecclesiastes 3:11) the three are in relationship to each other. perfect relationship, self sustaining, needing nothing, because it is made out of perfect love. and out of the overflow of that perfect love? us. humans.

what a gift, to be in community with others. ive complained a lot about how hard it is to live this life, everything we do seems pretty extreme. and it gets hard. but for all the hard there is so much good, and thats something ive been thinking about lately.

this life is hard, you spend five solid months pouring everything you have into others, opening your heart for all to see, and you share it, praying that it will be well received, and not hurt. and sometimes it is. but you still press on, and press in, completely leaving yourself vulnerable, because that is the only position you can be in. it is the only thing that can bring success. then you leave the country for two months, and live in harsh conditions, where absolutely everything about yourself, the people with you, and god is magnified and way more intense than normal. you adjust to this, adjust to having less, seeing heart-breaking sights everyday. then some plane rides later, bam. you're back in the states, having to re-adjust to everything you've known as normal your whole entire life, and its a lot harder than you think. except its a little bit different now. you find yourself realizing that so many things are unnecessary. there is so much more out there than your little world, and you want everyone to know about it! you want to share your experiences with others, but find that they just don't understand, and sometimes, just aren't interested. then, staying here, you live inside a bubble, where everyone is similar to you, as far as vision and experience goes. living in community with other believers, sharing your lives; good, bad, ugly. this cycle repeats itself year after year, and you find yourself going numb to the goodbye process, making it short and quick, less you allow yourself to experience the hurt that comes with saying goodbye to someone so dear and special to you, who has been a huge part of your life, and growth.

this, in part (because truly, how can i fully describe what my life is? you just have to come here and experience it for yourself) is what my life is like. and you want to know something? for all the pain, it is so worth it, and i feel like i don't deserve to be a part of this, because who am i? and that is grace. it makes life unfair. what a wonderful state to live in.

and back to relationships. i cant imagine a life without people in it, adding to and expanding my life experiences. my life is so much fuller and richer because of the people in it, and i know that no matter where i go, i will always surround myself with people, because people are what its all about. loving god, and loving people. that is all we are asked to do. and what fun it can be besides!

when you look deep inside yourself, really far down, to the place below the place where you can lie to yourself, you will see the same, that you crave people to surround you. im not talking constantly, all the time, no breaks, never alone, no alone time. but as a whole, we need people. we do.

and the next thought i think is about the type of people i surround myself with. the first thing i know is that i need people who challenge me. who challenge me to be a better person, challenge my thoughts and beliefs, because then they can become my own. people who challenge life, because i am so prone to just go with the flow and question nothing.
i will always surround myself with people who love jesus, because i know that no matter what happens, we can depend on that commonality to get us through.
i want to always surround myself with people who don't believe in or know jesus, because i want to always be sharing the love and truth that i have found. what they do with it is up to them, but i cant hide this love!

this video isn't the greatest, but its the best version of the song i could find. as i was writing this, this song kept playing itself in my head, so i thought i would share. the artist is keith green, who ministered in the seventies and part of the eighties. his story is worth reading about, and if you are interested, click here to find out more. this song is one of my favorites, its fun and silly, and speaks so much truth. enjoy!

You put this love in my heart - Keith Green

2008-06-12T21:04:00.001-07:00

2008-06-11T23:11:00.000-07:00

life back at the base: low, quiet, and most welcome. this summer will find me hiding out in the office, away from the desert heat. its been two weeks since ive returned to the states, but it feels like two months. its been surprisingly hard to readjust to life here, which i was not expecting. a lot of things just seem so unnecessary and wasteful to me, but all i can do is find my own balance of whats okay for me. the biggest difference? gas prices! when i left it was just under three dollars...now its way over four! in ten weeks! im not driving anymore. i refuse. tonight my roommates and i had a quiet night at home, eating dinner and watching tv, we watched celebrity circus, and i hate to admit it, but i kind of like it! the company was better :)
so this is pretty much a waste of a blog, and ive had nothing interesting lately, i apologize for that, i promise, i will get my head on straight and start writing something worth reading!

moving on.

2008-06-03T09:22:00.000-07:00

a sigh of relief. breathing easier. whew.
ive been home a few days now, and its been wonderful being amongst family, letting them take care of me and make decisions for me, take the lead in all and let me sit back and ride along. he last three months were way too full of decisions, now im enjoying not having to be quite so responsible. God has really met me and carried me through the heart/gut-wrenching process of saying goodbye, and letting go of the last five months. he has helped me to really get to a place where im not on the verge of tears or screaming really quickly, and i am so grateful! im getting ready for the next phase, summer, and im looking forward to being with my roommates, hiding out in our house from all the heat, a slower pace for the next couple months. i have no idea what the next season of life has to offer me, i have no idea where i will be, or what i will be doing, but i do know that it is only with God that i want to do it! everything else just isn't enough, nothing is as satisfying or fulfilling as being in the will of God, nothing is as fun or exciting, how could i try to do anything else? i don't want to! ive never found the peace, love, and fulfillment of life in anything other than God, and what an exciting and thrilling life!
:)

its the end of the world as we know it...

2008-05-31T08:03:00.000-07:00

a bit extreme perhaps, but certainly closer to how i am feeling these last few days. today is grad. tomorrow i never see most of these people again. my heart is getting ripped out, once again. i remember before this school started, wondering why i said yes, when i knew that once it was over i would be miserable knowing that i just went though this all over again. can i curl up in a ball on the floor and block everything out and just cry? that exactly how ive felt at the end of every school, and why would this be any exception? this is probably the worst. these students have found a place in my heart that is only for them, and the last five months have been such a joy, exploring who they are, and coming alongside them and championing them further into their destiny with Jesus. what a freaking privilege! as im typing this, all of their faces are running in front of my eyes, and i JUST DONT WANT TO SAY GOODBYE!! :( not many dts staff could say this, but i wish i could spend another five months with them. the thing i think about most is the first three months, the lecture phase. seeing brand new people coming to a place they really have no idea about, searching for God and not knowing whats about to happen, to see them wrestle through issues, pasts, hurts, and identities to come to a place of love like they have never experienced is something to be cherished. every single student has taught me a valuable lesson, and im so freaking blessed to live this life, how did i get so lucky? i love you Lord! i just don't know what to say, theres so much on my heart, but i can hardly squeeze the words out. maybe in a few days, when all of my emotions have calmed, and im over stupid jet-lag, ill try again...

home again home again jiggidy jig!

2008-05-29T13:14:00.000-07:00

america the beautiful how i have missed thee!
after 17 hours of travel, i descended the escalator at lax and almost cried at the beautiful sign saying welcome to the united states of america! the passport control guy said, "welcome home, miss", and i beamed in delight. yes, sir, i AM home!
time is weird weird thing. i feel like i was just here, and at the same time that ive been gone for at least a year. i think a little bit of my brain is still somewhere hovering over the pacific. i cam home to a wonderful reception of my house mates waiting up for me, and lovely signs welcoming me home. sigh, i truly love living here! i missed you guys!
i feel like there is so much to write about, i just dont know where to begin. perhaps i shall write a bit later today, after all, there is much laundry and cleaning to be done. after a very full week of debrief as a school, we have a few days left here, and then its all over with! wow. wow.

bugbites and fireflies.

2008-05-16T01:31:00.000-07:00

ahhhh. after a scorching hot shower, im pretty sure all remnants from the buddhist eco-village have been washed away. we spent three glorious nights sleeping in clay huts with tin roofs, or some of us, straw roofs. we were under mosquito netting, but with all the holes, we still got eaten alive. literally. i stopped counting bug bits after forty. and the gnats? who even swats them away anymore? the first night, tiesha and i got all snuggled on our mats (it might have well been just cement...they were pretty threadbare) and were chatting when all of the sudden, the rain hit! it was SO loud on that tin roof, and the huts are anything but sealed, and on her side of the wall there are wooden slats at the top, and the roof is above the line, there are holes everywhere....we had a fine mist to cool us down as we tried to fall asleep! for the first time in several years, i didnt wear earplugs, because the sound of the frogs and the crickets was too beautiful. if not thunderously loud. weve learned a lot about eco-living. they showed us how to cut some sort of water plant, that we chopped into bits, that they ferment and use as something for something...yeah. we picked mangosteens from the orchards (yumm!!! my official new favorite fruit), and had a wallpoing good time with the children, when they would come at night. we didn't shower. at all. for four days. well, most of us. pretty sick. the boys smelled disgusting! haha. it was a very relaxed atmosphere, everyone was more interested in living life than anything else, and we just went with the flow. speaking of flow! night before last, after it got darak they took us in boats down the mangrove swamp to watch the fireflys!!! we dont have those in california, and i could have cried at the beauty. it was the most incredible experience! it was dark out, the swamp resembled something similar to the swamps in lousianna, it was so quiet and peaceful, and the trees were full of glowing buggies! we were out there for a good hour or so, and i could have stayed all night. have you been on the pirates of the caribbean ride at disneyland? it sort of resembled that, minus the cannons and yo-ho'ing. we are back at the guest house, and tomorrow we are going to the pattya gardens, where from the sound of it, we will experience something simliar to what a luau is to hawaii. im so excited! on monday we are heading to the wonderful hotel-o-debrief, where we will meet up with the rest of the school, and enjoy a solid ten days of pool, beach, good food, maybe a massage or two, more pool, and lots and lots of stories! i must go now...mcdonalds at the mall is calling us!

a quick word...

2008-05-12T22:00:00.000-07:00

with the cyclone in burma, and the earthquake in china, there are disasters all around us! but we are fine, about to head to a buddhist eco-village until friday afternoon, to learn about their culture, and introduce them to ours. after that, ministry is over and debrief begun! as it is a village, there will be no internet, so until friday....
oh, and ps: the team we have in china is fine. the earthquake hit the same province they are in, but everyone is okay and im pretty sure that where they are, they didnt even feel it. praise Him!

birthday!

2008-05-07T22:40:00.000-07:00

its my birthday! im 23 years young, nd my lovely team has been....lovely! they put together a very special birthday breakfast of french toast, scrambled eggs, and orange juice! rare and precious commodities in these parts! i got some wonderful books and journals from my family, which gary has been so graciously holding onto for me, and my roommates put together a very funny card, which was the perfect thing to wake up to! knowing you are loved is the most important thing about a birthday, i suppose. i have no idea what the rest of the day hold, as we are getting ready to leave tonight on yet another sleeper bus (grr!) headed to our very last ministry location! we will be in rayong, on the east-ish coast of thailand, working with a vineyard church for three days, and then its off to the village! and then...debrief!! i cant believe were almost done, it really does seem like forever ago that we started. weve been on this crazy adventure now for 50 days!!! sheesh! theres not much new to report...the old siam was disappointing, it was a bunch of crumbling brick temples, and no one spoke english, our translator wasnt much help, so we had no idea about anything. oh well, we still had fun!
until next time...

its a heat waaaave...

2008-05-06T00:29:00.000-07:00

its getting hot hot hot...
its so HOTTT here!!!! aaahhhh!!! truly i am experiencing a heat wave of ginormous proportions. this morning we were hoeing weeds, and sweat is just dripping everywhere. then this afternoon, a fuse blew, so we dont have any fans to keep the sweat at bay, somewhat. i just checked the weather report, and today is 100 degrees, 41 % humidity. no joke. you only thought i was being dramatic. i shall never complain about california heat ever again. ever.
weve been given some work to do around the grounds, hoeing weeds. the most pointless of tasks, because what they want specifically, is for us to get the weeds out, but to leave the top soil, so basically we are using cover up on a pimple. haha! really, we are getting the weeds out, and raking over the top, and doing the same thing the next day. in this heat. this morning i saw all the sprouts of lovely little weeds coming up from the first place we worked on. maybe they think its grass? whatever. bottom line is, we are blessing them, and the ministry, and that is what counts. and i learned how to cook thai food today! well, the most basic of thai dishes, curry. ask me over sometime, ill cook it for you :)
oh! so, theres a wedding taking place in the village tomorrow, and here, weddings are three-day events. so yesterday, bright and early (no joke, six o clock), music started blaring over loudspeakers. they do this for THREE DAYS! all day long. it doesnt stop till somewhere around midnight. sometimes it gets so loud you have to yell a little to be heard. thankfully we'll be gone for most of tomorrow, seeing where the original capital of thailand, back when it was known as siam, was located. i love history! im very much looking forward to it. we were invited to the wedding, im pretty sure as a formality, as the pastor were working with is presiding over it, but we gracefully (hopefully!) declined. talk about awkward, crashing a strangers wedding, AND being the only white people. might be a little obvious.
we leave the day after tomorrow, and except for a four day excursion into a buddhist eco-village to live and sleep amongst them, well be staying in a guest house, which no matter how cheap it is will still be nicer than anything weve been living in so far, until debrief, when we hit the jackpot of nice accomodations. how sweet it is! im VERY much looking forward to sleeping in air-con from now on. not that im complaining :) haha, why start now?
ive been lingering on this blog long enough, and i just got worried that the power might go down, and ill lose every precious word ive spent some much time forming into coherent ideas and statements...its happened before. more than once. grr.
sawatii kaa!

i have no idea for a title...

2008-05-05T03:02:00.000-07:00

here i am, once again....
so yesterday was church day, and church was...well...as you might expect an overseas church in a rural area might be. it was long (though nothing can beat the easter service in south africa...6 hours!!), and not at all organized...not at all. gary gave the message, which was quite good, and they presented us with little chirstmas tree quilts and thank you cards for the work weve done. we then went to a church members home for lunch, which wasnt bad. rice and some sort of green curry-ish type dish. they all fell asleep after that, which was kind of funny, and when they woke up (they being most of the church, about 20 people were there), we had worship, and the pastor preached, or something, for about a half hour.
it was gray and overcast, and had rained a little bit off and on, but oh, no, we were going to see some waterfalls! this poor team just has had the work luck with waterfalls. check out my blog on that adventure from the philippines...and now this. they were only trying to bless us....we drove this time, no hiking, thank the sweet baby Jesus! we drive for a looong distance, in the back of a truck (its true mom, im sorry!), and when we get there, i started laughing out loud. the stupid "waterfall" was a giant trickle coming down man-made rocks. the slightly swimmable portion of it was brown and murky....what a waste!! but they tried. it was sweet. they ended up taking us to the local community pool, our favorite hang-out in town (which btw is about a twenty minute drive). and they watched us swim. in overcast weather. kind of awkward, but whatever!
a few days ago we had a day off.
the caves! oh, the caves.
so yes.
on our day off, they lovingly thought we would enjoy going to check out some local caves. personally, i dont care, ive been in caves before, seen it once, seen it all, is my philosophy. i didnt really have an interest in going, but i didnt vocalize any of that. of course not. a leader would never do that. so we go, and its...well..some big holes in rock formations. kinda smelly, kinda boring. but whatever. some of the people started making fun of one of the girls, and mama bear came out! i was ready to start cracking skulls, no one dares make fun of one of my chickys! i felt so protective and motherly, its apparent that leading this outreach is somewhat helping in preparing me for motherhood (one day looooong from now!!). i was so angry i couldnt even look at them, so she and i went back and waited for everyone else. after cooling off (both of us), and when the rest of the team got back, they thought we would enjoy seeing the worlds oldest teak tree. which we didnt, but tried our hardest to not let that show, and instead thank them for all that they were doing for us. it was really lame, but thats not what its about. they then drove us to this really pretty dam (i think its the queens dam? or something) for lunch, which was pretty good. i dont remember what we had. all i remember is gary and i had a wonderful conversation, and i got iced coffee! they said that they wanted to take us swimming (our group just loves the water!), and we drove to the most disgusting place ive ever seen! it was some sort of floating village, there were probably forty houses/businessess, all run-down and shanty-like, floating on brown, murky, polluted water. it was in the middle of what looked like a bmx-bike course, all dirt hills. one of my rules of thumb on outreach is, if the locals are swimming, so can i. there was not a person to be found anywhere near that nasty-ness. the whole thing made you wonder what they did when they went to the bathroom...sick. we took one look at it, told our translator no way, and they took us back to the swimming pool. ahhhh, sweet, chlorinated water that kills anything on your skin, refreshing water of life!!
all in all though, things are going well here, seriously!
until next time...

uttar-a-whatta??

2008-05-02T03:45:00.000-07:00

uttaradit. the middle of nowhere in the middle of thailand. the place im calling home for 12 days. its hard. really hard. we went to work, as in help with their construction project. we cant do a thing. they are doing cement work, and its pretty precise stuff, and as none of us are trained, we cant do anything. the first day, we tried, but they just undid everything we did and went over it. none of them speak english, and its been quite tough trying to communicate that we arent lazy, we want to work. they just arent giving us work to do. work that we can do. we sleep under mosquto nets, and last night we had an attack of termites.
did you know that termites fly?! well, for some part of their life cycle. they have wings (four of them!) and fly around at night, attracted to light. last night tiesha brittany and i were under our net talking, and a swarm came into our room (we do have windows, but the space above is totally open, the WOODen siding has rotted through, or maybe its just work of the termites, there are giant gaps in our wall) and proceded to crawl all over our net. it was absolutely disgusting. after a while we got a clue, and turned the light off. when we turned it back on, all of the critters had gone, but their wings were everywhere! apparently its part of the life cycle of a termite. they are born, they fly around in swarms, they lose their wongs, and crawl off to some wooden space to colonize. gross. the huge fan in our room (praise him!) kept the nastys stuck to the netting, and the wings were being pushed through onto our beds! sick. all night long i was sure they were crawling all over me (of course they werent). we did have a really good talk into the night though :).
all in all, we are doing quite well, i dont want to sound like im complaining, God has been teaching me so much about hoping in Him, and how to display grace to others, i never knew i had that much in me! my birthday is on the last day here, which isnt ideal, and when one of my teammates heard i was turning 23, he said, "what! i dint kow you were that old!" i quote. i have never felt old, until that moment. im excited though.
its funny, the ladies from the church prepare our meals, as well as the workers, and one thing ive found i can do is to sit with them, and help in whatever way they give me. usually i peel garlic and onions. they speak not a word of english, but we smile and talk to eachother anyway, its really quite hilarious. it reminds me of the ladies at my church, or any church, im sure, when the ladies all get together and prepare food for everyone, chit-chatting away and laughing. it makes me feel a little bit like im home.
ok i have to go now, everyones going to leave me!
i miss everyone and cant wait to get back home and see you!!

the three L's

2008-04-24T23:31:00.000-07:00

as a leader, there are a few (well, a million wouldnt fit, so well stick with a few) lessons im learning along the way, they are the three L's of leadership, i would like to call them. they are, in no particular order, as follows:

leaders:

1. listen

2. are always last

3. need to have a whooole lot of love!

number one: ive learned that as a leader, the biggest gift i can give to me leadee (?) is simply listening to them. sometimes, you just need a safe ear to vent to, and then everything has worked itself out in the course of words spilling forth into the air. i know thats the case with me most of the time. if im not listening, always interjecting my thoughts and opinions, no matter how right or wise they may be, im not really caring for my student, and giving them quality time. i think thats what they are after, after all.

number two: always, always, always, leaders are last. no matter what it is, i am always last. when we leave a location, we stick behind to make sure everything got cleaned up and thrown away. always last in line, of course so we can pay. last to the internet cafes, as we usually need to got to the store and buy food or supplies. the demands of the team always preceed our own demands, and as such, we are always last. this is the hardest lesson for me to truly grasp, and live in, but ive had many wonderful leaders in my life who have demonstrated the grace and composure that accompanies this pasrticular lesson.

number three: love. lots and lots and lots of love. because not everyone on the team is always going to love eachother, and everyone needs to feel accepted. i HAVE to have a lot of love for every student here, otherwise i will let me emotions and human-ness take over and very quicckly will make an annoyed face and say sarcastic things (which unfortunatly, i have done more times than i care to admit), which is pretty much the most un-loving thing to do. this lesson is one that im demanding God meet me on the most, and He has come through perfectly. such is His character. Go God! haha. thankfully, i am part of a team that is pretty easy to love (most of the time :), and who loves me in return, even when i make mistakes. for that, i am most grateful, and for that state, mutual love flowing between both parties, makes absolutely everything worth it, and fun besides! i never knew i had the capacity for so much love, and i know this is only the beginning of a life-long journey of discovering just how much love i am actually capable of receving, and returning. good thing God is love :)

well, we are about to head to chiang mai, which is apparently the western capital of thailand, AND THEY HAVE STARBCKS! notice the emphasis on that sentance, haha, more so than any other statement previously made. i plan on dropping my stuff off in my (hotel!) room, spending a major amount of quality alone time in my favorite place ever (besides my home, of course!), meet gary at pizza hut, and spend my evening trolling the night market in search of the best deals for sarongs, a jewelry box, and maybe some dvd's :)

au revoire!

psalm 121.

2008-04-24T04:10:00.000-07:00

so wow.
yesterday we packed our bags for an overnight stay in a karen (pronounced kuh-wren) village.
we were supposed to leave at 2, headed out after 4, and did a few open-airs along the way. well, my role during those is to start and stop the music, haha. we had dinner at a local dive and sang kareoke...for reals! i wasnt feeling too well, but still managed to get up there and sing some good ole shakira (though nothing holds a flame to antti DANCING like shakira!!).
we made it to the church around nine, the church had a cement foundation, was maybe 50X50 in measurement, and wasnt sealed on top, so lots of lovely and not-so-lovely bugs found their way onto and into our beds. which were mats on the floor. the last time we went up into a cillage it was considerably colder, cool even, so we prepared for that. not a chance! it was a heat wave of magnatudal (magnatudal? is that a word?) proportions! sweat was accumulating everywhere, breathing was heavy work, and swatting mosquitos was no fun. it was pretty bad sleep for all, and it didnt add to my sweet dreams that the pastor said that there were tigers that lived in those hills!!! i was pretty pissed at first, hearing that, but God quickly calmed me down and gave me a good dose of peace (seriously, it was God, i was freaking out, who would remain calm under those circumstances, normally!!). we woke up, i noticed about 15 new mosquito bited, ate rice and nescafe (as gary like to call it, nesCRAPfe) 3 in1 coffee (coffeee, cream and sugar!), and made our way to a refugee camp.
i have neither time nor brain power to relate to you the situation of the karen people as it stands now, but it is a long, bloody, persecuted history, please look it up, it really is worth reading about. the refugee camp consisted of 50,000 refugees, who couldnt leave the camp, their entire lives were spent in a few kilometer raduis. talk about not having a world view. we talked with a teacher there, who shared about the people, and went to a handicapped home to pray with a few people. we had a bit of time to walk around and see everything, and as i was praying, i didnt feel burdened or depressed by what i was witnessing, but peaceful, i felt like God was showing me another part of His creation, and telling me to enjoy it. not the plight of the people, but the fact that i could stand there and pray to Him and worship, in the middle of a refugee camp. so i did. psalm 121 came to mind, and it so fit with what i saw before my eyes. what a wonderful God.
we are headed to chiang mai the day after tomorrow for an overnight vacation, which im going to take full avantage of, as the two weeks coming after are jam-packed with work to be done (seriously, in our last location we will be building a clay wall, as well as staying in mud huts! i am much looking forward to it though, and cant wait to write about more adventures!

2008-04-21T05:36:00.000-07:00

ok so i guess this is the continuation of yesterdays entry. (im getting so good at keeping this updated!...well, i guess im getting good at finding my way to internet cafes!).
so today was our day off, so pastor michael took us and the denver team (a wonderfully english-speaking team of five doing a media-focused outreach) rafting down the river! the very brown, clody river. i still swam in it. it was a pretty long trip, and mostly fun. we got in our rafts and headed out at around 9 this morning. we each had guides to steer the raft, but we also took turns paddling. we quickly discovered a strange (disgusting, gross, scary!!) new phenomenon. they are spiders the size of daddy long legs, but thicker and bigger-bodied, that just love to jump!!! oh Lord, thats right, every time (ok not every time, but at least seventy-five percent of the time) we went under trees or brushed against them, spiders would drop into our boat! matt became my personal savior, and every time he would see one on me he would swat it off. i did a very good job not screaming, and remaining extremely calm about the whole situation, but i did not appreciate spiders jumping up my legs, under my sundress. not at all. not even a little. after the rafting, we ate a lunch of fried rice, sticky rice, and chicken. well. then we went down a zip line! we climbed up a bamboo hut, strapped in, and launched out over water! let me clarify when i say water: it was a large pond, of sorts, still water, green (like mold, algae green) and sometimes brown, with who knows what swimming about underneath. i went twice, the second time losing my 2 dollar sunglasses as i let go and zipped down a bit upside-down. oh well. its not like there are markets with cheap sunnies on every street corner or anything.
so to expand on an earlier statement about contentment:
i realized a few days ago that God was really speaking to me about being content, and living in the moment. i cant figure out anything that has changed, but suddenly i find myself wandering around the markets, with not a lick of english to be found anywhere, absolutely content. every day, i feel so energized that i am in exactly the place i am supposed to be, and it makes me so happy to be so content here. not that its gotten super easy here, or things have changed drastically, but im just so content! i wish i could fling my contented-ness on everyone around me, so we can all live so joyfully, and relaxed! its such a good thing, its deeper than some flitting emotion, and in stressful moments i can look back on this truth, and continue to live in it. God has been amazing at speaking volumes about His love for me, He just so knows everything we need! what an amazingly worthy God i serve!

hey, check this out: www.outreach08.blogspot.com
click on outreach pictures for an overview of what weve been up to.

fishy tales

2008-04-20T04:51:00.001-07:00

ok how have i not talked more about roti? honestly. so roti. im not sure if its the national dish of thailand, but it sure should be, its sinful! its a dessert, to be found solely from street vendors on street corners, or sometimes in the markets. it is fried dough that the roti master flips pizza-style until it is tissue thin, and the size of a huge crepe. they put it on the skillet, and fry it until golden brown. they fold the sides in until it resembles a rectangle, and then put sweetened condensed milk and sugar crystals on it. they then roll it up and put it in paper, only 5 baht for your enjoyment! you can get them filled with a variety of delectable treats, my personal favorite is bananas! (ps 5 baht doesnt even register in american money, the exchange rate is 30 baht to one dollar).
so today we wentto do open air evangelism in a burmese/thai market, and as i was wandering around, i happened upon what must be the local fish monger...by female persuasion. this encounter made me singularly happy that i am in thailand, at a local market, for before my very eyes was a tub full of ugly orange fish, bigger than koi. customers must simply point out a fish, and the monger scoops her arm into the tub, pulls out the fish, tosses it to her handy-boy, who clubs its head, de-scales it, and puts into a plastic bag! it was so funny to me to watch this, and im not sure why, but as i sipped my coke-in-a-bag (its true, to-go cokes here come in little plastic bags, much like you get in grocery stores, but much smaller), i pondered the fact that i am truly content here. and its a wonderful feeling!
well, theres always so much more to write, but alas, atti is staring at me through the window, and its dark, so i cant walk alone, ciao!

musings and other random things...

2008-04-18T21:41:00.000-07:00

so the day before last we left chiang rai to head for the tak province, in a town called maesot, which is on the border of burma.
we had a 4.30 am wakeup call, and gathered all our wordly possessions about us, and headed for the bus depot, where we hoped wewere boarding the right bus, as our translator had left us the day before, and at 5 am there were no people about that spoke even a whisper of english around, so with many hand gestures and pointing, we boarded what we prayed was the right bus. we boarded a less-than-comfortable-but-not-so-bad-im-going-to-complain-about-it bus, and i took the sweet pill named dramamine, and waited for it to kick in and knock me out. i fell asleep, and when the bus stopped i woke up, assuming we had to be at LEAsT halfway to our destination. well....we had actually only been driving for about 15 minutes, and were in town, waiting for 7 so we could really get rolling. the dramamine had kicked in enough by then that i didnt even care, and barely noticed the team of white people that had boarded right behind us. of course they were a ywam team, and after making cloudy conversation with them i layed my head down and passed out. we were told that thebus ride wqould be 4 hours. psych!it wasmore like 7 1/2. sheesh.but i slept through most of it, andlistened to music the rest, so it wasnt bad.
we landed in the tak province. it was pretty sweltering. reminiscint of the philippines. yikes. we called the pastor, and he and his family met us, and took us to a wonderful restaraunt where we had a deeelicious thai lunch! after that we said that the day was just for relaxing (his english is good enough for clear communication, but still a little broken when he speaks), and took us down to the river, where we could swim. not everyone was hot for the idea, but antti and i jumped right in. we had fun swimming upstream and letting the water carry us to an inlet, and just goofing around and cooling off. tiesha and hanna joined us at the end, and we all had fun watching the thai people point at us and our obviously white skin. ah, such is the life!
after that we were all in the back of the truck, where we thought we were headed to our new home...wrong again! he took us instead up to a hill village, and the girls were dying, thinking that that was where we were going to be staying. when he got out he said that he wanted us to meet his friends, and then he asked us to put on a one and a half hour show! and we did! well,the students did. those awesome, holy, wonderful students! we had had a suuuuper long day, and everyone was tired, and some of us were wet, and it was cold up there to boot, but they all had wonderful attitudes about it, and prayed, and put together a show! they did all their skits and dramas, gave testimonies and a short message, and at the end of it, a large group of people who had ever heard the gospel before made decisions to accept and follow Jesus! im pretty sure that was a defined moment in the students lives, they felt more encouraged than ever before. it was such a humbling experience for me, and i am so glad for gary, because if the pastor would have talked to me, i would have said no, we had a long day, everyone was wet, tired, and hungry, but God is so gracious! i feel like that time was just as much for us as for the people!
i am so humbled to be a part of this team, and God has really been working on me a lot lately, giving me a burden for certain students, and really revealing His heart for them to me, and its been sort of painful, ive been doing a lot of repenting, and changing my attitude, but God is so good, and His grace is sufficient for me! i am so pleased to be a part of this team, and even in the hard moments, it is so much MORE than worth it! i love you Lord, thank you for the opportunity, the privelege, to be living this life! thank you that you love me, and give me so many gifts that i am unworthy of!
so speaking of burma: i dont have time anymore to write everything ive learned about it, but click here for more info...and maybe something we can do about it?
and in conclusion...while were here, we will be doing a lot of open air evangelism, some prison minitry, english teaching, and im sure many other things we know not about yet!

songkron and dog

2008-04-14T02:37:00.000-07:00

grrr! i just wrote a HUGE blog, and it didn't save! long story, so heres round two...im pressed for time, so hopefully i can get it all out....
songkron. its the thai new year celebration, and songkron means water festival. LOTS of water. so basically, people stand on the side of the road and throw buckets of water on you, and drive around in truck beds with barrels of water splashing you. well, drenching you. its a three day event, but up here in the north its a bit more rowdy, so were looking at a week of walking around soaked. our mode of transportation here is a truck, the bed is fitted with bench seats on either side and a covered soft top. there are bars holding us in, but its pretty open. and they just LOVE to soak farangs! (foreigners). so we've been wet for the last several days, and even though tomorrow is the official end, it'll still happen for the next few days a bit. not all of the team is happy about it either, but my take is that im in their country, immersing myself in their culture, so if that means im going to walk around wet for a week, so be it. and im loving it! i think its so funny, becuase its not a competitive,vindictive act, but a celebration. (fun fact: according to the thai calendar its the year 2551).
so, speaking of immersing ourselves in their culture...
we went to an ahka village the day before last, going around praying for a few homes and families, and as we walked into the last hut, they were chopping up meat. and then we saw the dog head laying next to it. no joke. they were chopping up dog! the family was getting ready to re-roof their house, and its a pretty big deal, and the neighbors pitch in, and they prepare a special meal for the occasion. DOG. and you want to know what? I ATE DOG!!! our entire team, minus one, ate it. some asked for seconds! there was a bone in mine (a little ironic) but i ate dog! and im proud of it. its so funny when you say oh i went to the philippines, i went to thailand, and people ask, what did you eat, dog? and now i can say, why YES, yes i did eat dog! it was disgusting that its head and innards were laying right next to it, but an experience i will NEVER forget.
the team is having a bit of a rough time the last few days, but i think im chalking it up to a mid-outreach slump (does such a thing exist?)
our living conditions are a bit less than comfortable, we are up in the hill country, and there are bugs everywhere. there is a ginormous black and white striped spider that lives in the rafters above our eating table. we named him owen. we fed him a headless moth last night. i have no idea what happened to its head. theres a friendly toad we named trevor, and countless huge beetles that love to fly under the bathroom door and buzz around your head. grr.
shoot, outta time. more to write, hopefully i can get to internet again really soon!
please pray that we would really grasp everything that God has for us here, and wouldn't waste our time, and that i would have endless love and patience, im having to work harder on it lately, my supply seems to be dwindling.
okay, more to come hopfully soon!

the land of a thousand smiles

2008-04-09T07:09:00.000-07:00

holy pad thai batman, were in thailand! so last night we boarded a sleeper bus for a 14 hour overnight drive up to chiang rai, where we will be until the 16th. the bus departed at 6.30. where i promptly popped two dramamine, receieved some oj, a bottle of water and some pastries from the crew, and then fell into the sweet unconscience sleep dramamine afford you. at midnight we had our one stop and got food...at least, i think it was food. we got a bowl of soupy rice and some unidentifiable omething or other, but it wasnt bad. i still felt so cloudy and unaware due to the drugs that i didnt even care. when i got back on the bus i took two more dramamine, not so much because i was car-sick ((which i ALWAYS am, but wasnt this time) but becuase it knocks you out cold! i didnt really wake again until 7 this morning, overall i slept about 80 percent of the time, which was great!
the pastor (still cant pronounce his name) greeted us there, and our luggage went ahead of us in a truck while we walked in, chang rai is absolutely beautiful!! it is in northern thailand, and every bit as beautiful as i imagined! you know in movies, when they pan shots of country side in asain countries, and its always quiet, and green, and the vegetation is neatly kept and theres lots of cool new foliage to look at? its exactly like that!
while were here well be doing a bit of hiking, going ino three different villages, one focusing on children, the auka people (research them if you can, its fascinating!), and another one, bandu, or something? anyway, with that last one, well be going to another...waterfall! oh Lord. and i heard this one has pockets of deep water to swim in, but it doesnt sound all that impressive. i know it will be a fun and wonderful experience though, so im excited!
the thai are getting ready for songkran, the thai new year, and its all about water! the next everal days are ministry, but after that we have time off, becuase apparently the whole country does, and throws water on eachother! its such a big deal, that all of our contacts have talked about it, and said to watch what we wear, because they especially like to dump water on farangs, or foreigners. good thing i love water! on one of our days off, we will going to ride elephants! im sooo excited about that! well have an hour long ride along a river...paradise! the next day is water day, and fter that were going to the golden triangle, its the highest part of thailand, and it overlooks the threee borders of thailand, myanmar and laos, im so excited to see this, and to pray over the land of these three countries! that brings us to the end of our time there, where well be traveling to a stones throw away from the myanmar border, to the tak province. i have no idea what we will be doing there, but im ready!
while were here, we are staying at the House of Blessing, which takes children and teenagers from the vilalges and educates them both in schooling and in culture, then sends them back to their villages fro them to spread and teach their knowledge. i think that basically covers what it is, and it has been hugely successful in the last few decades that it has existed. every night we teach them english on-on-one, tonight was our first night and it seems our students were taught more thai then they taught english! but they seem very excited to get to know new people, and establish relationships with them, even if the language is minimal. Gary and I had a great time tonight talking and praying while they were doing english (my, for english being my best subject, my sentence structure is terrible!), its so nice to be with an experienced leader, he has so much insight and wisdom to offer! i kow i dont deserve this, the position i am, but Gods grace is soo sufficient! i love being in a position where i have nothing, i am nothing, i HAVE to rely on Him, and Him carrying me and guiding me through this, its so initmate! im always praying, always seeking His word for the day, or the moment, its just a wonderful place to be! though certainly not comfortable. but well worth it :)

sawatdeeka!

2008-04-07T06:11:00.000-07:00

just wanted to send a quick update..im in thailand! we got in late last night, and im sooo happy to be here again! i just love walking down the street, remembering everything from the last time i was here, and directions and thai words keep coming back to me, i just feel so at peace and so happy here! were in bangkok at the moment, but tomorrow night we are headed on a sleeper bus for an overnight drive to chang rai, where we will be spending about a week and a half. were moving around a lot, and i have no idea about internet from here on out, but every chance i get i will be updating. funfact: were doing to do visa runs, which means im going into myanmar (formerlly burma) and cambodia! sooo stoked on that!
the food here is outrageous, i didnt realize i missed it so much! at dinner tonight i asked for my dish spicy, and im pretty sure im going to develop heartburn because of it! but its just sooo good! ah, the curry, the noodle dishes, the fruit shakes, the roti, its all outrageous! hope the hill tribes provide the same fare...(most likely not!)
i do miss the philippines, and all the luxuris it afforded (we stayed in a city the whole time, so we always had access to internet, shopping, and mcdonalds :), but i can hardly stand it i am so excited for the next phase of this! the last night we were there, the base had a family night, and we all sang and danced, and they presented us with a plaque, thanking us for all the work we did with and for them. they said a few words, and when i got up, i got so choked up i couldnt speak, which really surprised me. i just feel so honored and blessed that i got to be a part of their family for even a short time, and i am lookign forward to the new family members i will aquire along the way here! thank you so much for your faithful prayers and support, please continue to pray for Gods grace and abounding love as i lead this team, it gets hard. but its all worth it! i love my team and i love thailand!

mabuhay philippines and sawadeeka thailand!

2008-04-05T22:49:00.001-07:00

so im in an internet cafe in asias largest mall, and the third largest in the world, writing my final blog while in the philippines. we head to the airport in a few short hours to travel across the east china sea and i think part of the gulf of thailand, heading to, well...thailand! we will be spending seven weeks there doing a WHOLE lot of stuff! more to come on that as it happens.
as i reflect back on my time here, i feel that the few short minutes i have here (gary is waiting semi-patiently behind me) is not nearly adequate enough to express everything i want to say...but i will try. when i think about our first day here, and everything that has happened, it feels like it should have been at least 6 months. i am so proud of everything my team has accomplished, from going out to the bars at night to build relationships with girls, and then seeing them come to the base in search of support and help is defintely the highlight. whenever they did any of the skits/dramas, my heart just soared with pride that they are all so willing to jump in and get the job done, and with a smile too! i must say though, i think what i will miss most about the philippines is...the mangoes! im not even kidding, i cant begin to describe just how wonderfully perfect the mangoes here are! we eat them everyday, and i havent gotton even a little sick of them! they are just these delectable, juicy, sweet bites of heaven. i definitely think mangoes will be in heaven. from the hike to the hill tribe, to helping hands (an orphanage for abandoned children, primarily becuase of deformities and handicapps), to working with street children and prostitutes, our team has done a good job. i feel that Jesus is proud of the work they have done! as i think ahead to thailand, i feel a bit more confident about my leadership skills, because i have been there before and know what to expect, and can pray strategically for the students, and over the land.
shoot. i really have to go...there is so much more i want to say though!! grr....okay, part two to come later...

in the jungle, the mighty jungle...

2008-03-30T03:48:00.000-07:00

what a day!
we had a 5.20 am wake up call, and from there we hiked to a hill tribe in the philippine jungle to do a service for a church there. the hike down (notice the word down) in to the village was not too hard, we were there in about an hour. the team did an amazing job! they performed their sign song and this awesome drama called everything, and matt gave a testimony and antti preached the sermon. it was his first sermon in english, and he did a fantastic job! from there, since we brought them rice, they took us to their sacred waterfalls. picture it. got it in your head? good. now...it was nothing like that! the hike itself wasn't hard, but i have never been hotter in my life! i know for a fact that that day was the hottest day in my personal history. have you ever been to the butterfly habitats in zoos? you know how its humid and warm? thats what it felt like, times 5! sweat was dripping down my face, and all i was doing was walking, my back was soaked from carrying my backpack, and my sunglasses kept fogging up so much that i had to take them off. yup, it was HOTT! after hiking UP the river (and i do mean up!) for about an hour, we came across these huge boulders, which no one in their sane mind would never think about traversing across, unless you were a professional. about halfway through i broke down and started crying, so frustrated and angry i was that we were doing this...climbing over rocks and across boulders, all of these thoughts kept flooding my mind, "what are we putting the students through, they are my responsibility, if anything happens theres no way we can move them! what would their parents say?" and many other thoughts not fit for typing as well :)
we finally made it to the top, i got furious! the stupid waterfall was more like a water trickle, and you couldn't even swim, it was so shallow! gary finally got me to wade in and sit in the few inches of water against the waterfall and let the water cascade down my back, and that was nice. in that moment i was so frustrated that i didn't care if it was some sacred ancient waterfall, i couldn't stop thinking about the hike back we still had in front of us! we stayed there for about an hour, and then started the hike back...they took us another way, and it was SO much easier! after the initial boulder climb, we went down a trail that was overall pretty flat and easy to walk. i was somewhere in the middle of everyone, alone except for my child guide (its true, we had one tiny old man and three CHILDREN guiding us down the path!), when it started to rain! and then it really started raining! and then, in an instant, the day just got better! i don't know what it was about the rain, but i just started to really enjoy myself! i mean really, what are you supposed to do in a situation like that? we were 3 miles deep in the philippine jungle, hiking around, swatting unknown bugs off of each other, praying they weren't poisonous and crossing rivers left and right (seriously, we crossed the river 5 times on the way back!), and it starts down pouring. you either laugh or cry. i chose to laugh :)
on one of the river crosses, the rock i stepped on decided to shift, and my foot slid down , carrying the rest of me with it, and all of the sudden i was sitting in the river, rather than walking across it. it was still raining at that point, so i was drenched anyway, it didn't make that much of a difference! gary saw that whole debacle, and ive never seen the man laugh so hard in my life! he says it was like a graceful pirouette, but im not so sure. the team did really well, sticking together and helping each other out when it got rough (roughER). when we were almost to the church (though we didn't know this at the time) we came across a watering hole where some locals were jumping off the rocks, and antti and i looked at each other with a gleam in our eyes...gary gave the okay, so we took off and jumped right in! after i was already in, i thought about praying that the water was not infested with leeches, bacteria, or other harmful toxins that would ruin our delicate american systems. we jumped off rocks, i dove off off a high one, and the whole team just had fun taking a break and swimming around! and there were no leeches. thank God. after that, and soaking wet in our clothes, we made the last leg of the hike back to the church. we prayed over the pastor, and then started the hike back. i was dreading this part most, because the whole way in i kept noticing we were going down a whole lot more than up, so i wasnt looking forward to hiking up after an entire day of hiking around. so before we cam to the rough part of the hike, we came into a village that had a jeep with a wooden sled thing on the back. im pretty sure our entire team was throwing up prayers that we would be able to ride in it, not seriously expecting anything other than a harsh hike uphill for a few hours. OH! did i mention that we did all of this in flip-flops? its true, our awesome filipino locals told us it would be no problem hiking in them! YEAH RIGHT. anyways...we passed the jeep and were trudging along when suddenly our guide said, "we ride." in the jeep! and it was SO much fun! it was such a relief to not have to be on our feet anymore, brittany, matt and i rode on the very back of the wooden sled part, with our feet dangling over the edge, letting them drag in the water when we drove across the river, and holding them up when we went over mud. they drove us all the way back into town! all the way to our house!! it was fantastic driving along the freeway in our jeep thing, with some of our team riding on top of it, and some of us riding on the back of it. we shouted mabuhay (hello in tagalog) to any local passerby, loving that the whole day had been redeemed by our swim in the watering hole and jeep ride home.
so somewhere on the hike gary had the bright idea that when we got back we should all go to dunkin' donuts and each order a dozen, buying out the store! so, we did! and we got it on film, each of us ordering a dozen donuts! thats 120 donuts! soooo sick! but really funny to watch!
overall, it was a wonderful day, and an experience i won't soon forget! that day will definitely be a highlight of this whole experience!

mangos, mangos...everywhere mangos!

2008-03-28T00:41:00.000-07:00

we eat mangoes everyday. EVERYDAY!! ( i know daddy, id be jealous too!). they are the BEST mangoes ive ever had!! i think its like what pineapple is to hawaii, mangoes are to the philippines. they grow wild everywhere, they are sooo delectable and sweet, juicy bits of heaven in your mouth!
yesterday we rented a private beach (only meaning solicitors couldn't come and sell their wares to us...even though they did) and took the team and the base out for a day of splash, surf, and fun in the sun! my favorite moment was when i was laying on the sand, with only my legs in the sun, listening to jack johnson and reading redeeming love...did i mention the sand was on a beach in the philippines? oh, yes, yes i did :)
after a delicious dinner of lumpia, we found some balut!! and i tried a piece! one of our team members, antti, ate an entire one, the rest of us ate microscopically teeny tiny pieces, but still! i ate balut! if you don't know what it is...it is a chicken egg that has been incubated for twenty days, upon which time they cook it...so, in conclusion, it is a chicky that is mostly formed, i felt the beak, most of the bones were developed, you could see a few tiny feathers, but it was still in its sack, with embryonic fluid that you put salt on and suck out before you eat the darn thing.
somebody please, tell me....where in the world are you going to find a grosser food to eat? we wont even mention the smell that emanated once the shell had been cracked.
being a leader is serious business. seriously hard business. everything you do filters down to the team, which makes it hard, because i must always be at the top of my game, i must do it right, or they will do it wrong. ive been thinking lately, where is the line between stepping back and letting them step up and experience and do everything, and when do i take the lead and let them follow? i don't know if i will ever figure it out, so a big prayer is that God would show me everyday in situations when to step up, and when to let them take initiative.
well, im off to family night here at the base, and after a sweaty nights sleep and roosters crowing at all hours(the sun doesn't mean much to them here), were goin' island hopping!!!

hey, check it out!: www.outreach08.blogspot.com

its so hot ice cubes have nothing to do with it!

2008-03-25T06:33:00.001-07:00

sooo were about a week into our 9 1/2 week adventure, and i must say, i sad were already a week gone! today we joined on a march through town in protestation of prostitution. we walked for almost three hours, and for the first two, it was a blast. they had drummers banging and children dancing, and then, with all the walking, it got old. but awesome to say i was part of a parade in the philippines!
so the food here is pretty much phenomenal. lumpia, pancit, chicken feet...yes, its true...i tried a chicken foot...be on the watch for a pic sometime in the hopeful near future. i also ate a pepper. a really really hot pepper. really hot.
i absolutely in love with the children here, they are so adorable! especially little andre, he definitely has my heart! the women here are also so sweet, friendly, and easy to get to know. each one has a tragic story, a tragic life, but have found redemption in Jesus, and its such a privilege to work alongside with them, encouraging them, learning from them, praying with them. i love it here!
although i am getting excited for thailand!!
okay, this post is semmingly going nowhere, and matt is waiting semi-patiently for me to be done, so im done.
oh, disclaimer: i dont proof my posts due to time limits and such, so sorry if it doesnt always make sense, or if there are horrid typos!

Mabuhay!

2008-03-23T01:08:00.000-07:00

Greetings From the Philippines!
After three hours in an airport, a fourteen hour plane ride, a two hour layover, and a two hour plane ride, IM IN THE PHILIPPINES!!
i can hardly type the right sequence of letters to form the right words to clearly express what my head and my heart are trying to say. i fell in love with the philippines from the second we stepped off of the plane! i dont know what God is doing, but i am so joyful and excited and amazed that i am here!
its swelteringly hot...feels like over a hundred, with a humidity level so high that after showering, you cant dry off, because instantly youre sweating again. the backs of all my t-shirts are going to start fading from all the salt coming out of my pores. but do you want to know something?...its not that bad!! i was expecting way worse, so maybe that has something to do with it, or the fact that this is an almost overwhelmingly beautiful country with beautiful people, or the fact that i love my team so much that everything i might think of complaining about is lessened to such a small degree.
Gary is such a wonderful co-leader, i am so extremely blessed to be jumping into this with him! and my team...how do i put into words how proud of them i am? the day, the very DAY we got here, after all that travel, and as jet-lag was starting to set in, they went out into the barangay (like the colonias in mexico, or the townships in south africa) and gathered a crowd of about a hundred children and adults, and performed their clown skits, taught about Jesus, and just played with them for hours. watching them get up there with good attitudes made me proud a definitely shed a few tears! they have all had such good attitudes about being here, it just makes my heart so happy!
today is easter, and this morning gary and i had plastic easter eggs with candy in them to give to everyone, and we had a really short little service amongst outselves, talking about matthew 28. weve been traveling for a few hours by bus to get to where we are now (olangapo city), so it hasnt really felt like any special day, but what a privelege it is to serve Jesus in this way, and to celebrate his love for us in such a way!
i love love love everything about this place!
as sad as i was to see lecture phase come to an end, i am sooooo excited for what the future is going to hold with this team, because if the first two days were any indicator, theyre going to sweep revival into this nation! i fully believe in the power of that!
thank you so much to everyone who prayed for safe travels for us, and thank you for your faithful prayers and support while im on this journey!

Human Trafficking

2008-03-07T18:42:00.000-08:00

CAUTION: What you are about to read may cause discomfort, anger, despair and even rage. Proceed with caution, should you continue to read, you just might be called to action. You may no longer claim ignorance, this is real, this is true.

This is a little-known topic that is exploding into the mainstream and becoming very well known, as of late.
It's something I'm really struggling with.

What is Human Trafficking?

"Trafficking in persons is modern-day slavery, involving victims who are forced, defrauded or coerced into labor or sexual exploitation. Annually, about 600,000 to 800,000 people -- mostly women and children -- are trafficked across national borders which does not count millions trafficked within their own countries.

People are snared into trafficking by many means. In some cases, physical force is used. In other cases, false promises are made regarding job opportunities or marriages in foreign countries to entrap victims."

Another perspective on this: remember the slave trade, all of the slaves from Africa that America and Europe stole and bought as property? THIS IS THE SAME THING. Slavery never really ended, it just went into hiding. It's not hidden anymore.

I first heard about this about a year and a half ago, and did nothing about it. Well, that isn't entirely true. I spent two weeks in Thailand (where this is a HUGE problem) working with former and current prostitutes, inviting them to and teaching at an english school, which, if they wanted, would also help them learn other trades and jobs to make a living on.

More and more lately I find myself hearing and seeing about what is going on in my world, about how little children are stolen from their families and forced into brothels, how women are tricked into coming to the "land of the free" for new opportunities, and never catch even a glimpse of the freedom we are so known for. And yet I feel almost nothing. I don't cry, i don't weep, i don't feel an all-consuming rage for a call to justice to be heard.
My heart hasn't been broken for this, not nearly enough. I understand that tears don't equate a change of heart, and that I don't have to always be emotional to be affected, but I've watched the videos, I've read the statistics, I've heard the stories, and yet I stand still, unaffected in my own little world of comfort. For a while, I thought that I wasn't more involved with this because I wasn't letting myself, I wasn't letting God have His way and change me, call me to action. I was afraid of what it might mean. I am not afraid anymore. Every single person has a role to play in seeing this come to an end, finally, and I am ready to step it up and play my part.
Jesus, I KNOW that your heart is broken over this whole thing, break my heart, please invade my soul and align it with yours! What is my role in this, how do you want to use me to further your kingdom of light and love, and to accomplish the seemingly impossible and help to put a STOP to this?
We all have a role to play. By my discovery of this, I can no longer claim ignorance, and I will be accountable to God in heaven for what I've done with it. How I long to please you Lord! Show me my role, help me to be a person of peace, love, and light, to a world that is so dark and deceived.

This issue is so tantamount, and can seem so overwhelming and frustrating, where do I start, where do I begin? "Many people don't do anything because they can't do everything , just do your part for God, and let Him take care of the rest." (Dan Baumann quote) Please do not end this on a note of depression or despair, for there is hope. There are many many people doing many many things to bring awareness and justice. Below are a bunch of resources that have helped me in my quest to educate myself and figure out the part I play...which I'm still working on. I'll let you know when I've figured it out.
The best resource we have is Jesus, for when we pray on behalf of the trafficked people, and for the organizations to further their freedom, when we plead and command heaven to come to earth and for evil to flee, He answers. He ALWAYS has a response to our prayers, and part of the journey of life is discovering how He is speaking to us, learning how to listen. We are on the winning side, we just need to recognize and move in that mentality. (Wow, God answering my prayer as I type!)

Organizations: International Justice Mission, Not For Sale, Amnesty International, Maiti Nepal

Websites: ijm.org, notforsalecampaign.org, humantrafficking.org

Movies: Trade, Human Trafficking, Born Into Brothels

Books: Not For Sale, Good News About Injustice

tee minus eighteen...and counting!

2008-03-02T11:08:00.000-08:00

so i leave in two and a half weeks for a nine-week outreach to the philippines and thailand. what are my thoughts on all this?

just get me on the plane already!
im not ready yet, i cant do this!
i can do this.
i have so much to buy!
theres so many things i need to get done for the team still!
we have to finish learning, start learning! the dramas and skits
don't forget to buy balloons
there are four birthdays on our team
im going to be gone for so long!
im going to miss my roommates.
were going to have dance parties every week!

these are just some of the immediate thoughts that came to mind when i started typing.

what i really want, above all else, is for each one of us to ask for God's heart for these countries, these wonderful people that we get to serve, that our perspective of what we are doing will be so much bigger than what we can see or perceive before us. i am sooo excited to see everything unfold, and to watch the students really grasp a bit more of God's character, living it out in wherever we are living.
the opportunity to go out and serve people who have never heard the name Jesus, or have never had God accurately presented to them is a blessing, and a joy that fills me with so much excitement!
i cant believe that i am once again about to step foot off of america for a couple months. i will be completely out of touch with reality here, and so in touch with the reality in the world. a better place to be. a better perspective to witness.
get me on that plane already!

quite a long time, and then some.

2008-02-16T23:14:00.002-08:00

so it has been faaaar too long since ive last posted, a thousand apologies!
life is so wonderful, i just love how exciting and crazy it is, especially when you just give yourself over to the creator of your life, and let him rule in everything, it far exceeds anything that i have ever been able to come up with on my own.
so for the last month or so, shoot, or two, since my last post, much has happened!
the biggest thing, i suppose, is the fact that i will be spending 9 weeks overseas! i will be going to the philippines and back to thailand! im soooooooo excited over this development, i never thought i would go back to thailand, but back i am going indeed! i have the incredible privilege of co-leading a team of 8 students with the always-fabulous gary, the coolest canadian chef ive ever met.
how am i doing all this, you ask?
im staffing the winter dts. you know, that thing i did when i first left home two years ago? i know, i know, its crazy, i certainly never thought i would be in this position, but God is bigger, and how he loves us!
speaking of how he loves us, check out the song posted below...its a bit long, but after the first 2 minutes it gets REALLY good....its a good visual of where i am right now in my walk with God, just experiencing His love, and living in that everyday. its transforming, i tell you.
so back to the dts. they're awesome!! i love every single student, all 25 of em!
we just got back from a NIKO, which is basically a rough-it, push you to the limit camping experience. i wont go into all the details, that would take up far too much time, suffice it to say that i spent 3 days hiking 15 miles up and down, and up and down, and up and down, a mountain, using baking soda to brush my teeth and eating dried fruit for several meals. i will not soon forget this experience, and how much, well...FUN...it was! i love that i love roughing it, its something unexpected about me, i suppose :)
i have a small group, 5 girls, we meet every week and share our lives and encourage one another. we have speakers come every week sharing about different paths of the Jesus-following walk.
we have fun nights, local outreaches, laundry runs and trips to wal-mart.
this is the briefest of overviews in what a dts actually looks like, but in the end, the students walk away transformed by revelations of Gods character. well, thats the goal. and to go into the world and share the love and light that fills the void in our hearts.
i love this. i love Jesus. what a wonderful life!
i don't deserve this. and thats the wonderful part about grace.
i think i might not be making too much sense, for it is late, and i am tired. sorry its been so long since the last post, ill make sure to post again before another two months have passed!
heres a picture of all of us on top of one of several mountains...
im the one getting choked towards the bottom left-ish. nothing but love.

jesus culture - how he loves us

2008-02-16T23:14:00.001-08:00

7 things

2007-12-28T23:15:00.000-08:00

So I got tagged by Karisse. She's hit me up for 7 weird/strange items about myself.

The rules of the game:
*Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.
*Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog, we all want to know them.
*Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
*Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

soooo, without further ado...

#7 i will always chew gum. peppermint orbit is my favorite. "fresh breath is a priority in my life." (movie reference? anyone?) i chew gum as a nervous habit, when im excited, when i cant brush my teeth, and just because. i love gum. my good friend anne rut attributes the first time she met me to the way i was chewing my gum. i like gum.

#6 i adore all things theater. i love the ballet, the opera, musicals...if its on stage, i want to see it. ever since my grandma took me to san fransisco to see the phantom of the opera (which really should be its own number, my love affair with it) when i was in sixth grade, ive had an affinity for all productions stage-oriented. when im watching a show, i feel like i belong there, im in my element, and all is right with the world for the time i am in the audience being swept up to the safari plains of africa, wrapped in a technicolor dream-coat, or fiddling on a roof. i love the theater.

#5 im the older sister. i have a sister three years younger than me, and in my growing days, ive come to realize that i completely embody the older sister (duh) in all relationships in my life. when im with younger sisters, i tend to look out for them more and make sure they know whats going on. when im with the middle or older sisters, i sometimes feel the equal, sometimes a bit intimidated, but im never far from the thoughts and feelings associated with being the older sister; explaining everything to them, making sure everyone is taken care of, just generally looking out for them. just don't catch me with my little sis, im completely nuts.

#4 i love tofu. its true. and don't say its because im from california, i dont buy it, too many people i know don't like it who live here also. but its true, it's one of my favorite foods. i had it for dinner tonight, actually, mongolian tofu from a local chinese restaurant. mmmmm, delicious! but i guess i am a true californian though, because "california cuisine" is definitely some of my favorites: avocados, cottage cheese, tofu. yumm-o!

#3 if you want me to fall in love with you, treat me to starbucks. (ok that only applies to guys, haha, but the point gets across). i absolutely adore starbucks. as a matter of fact, my mom knows that if im not at home, and haven't told her what im doing, im at starbucks. the coffee is the best ive ever tasted, dark and strong roasts that smell heavenly when you open a new bag (definitely one of my top three favorite smells; a brand new bag of coffee being opened). its the perfect place to meet an old friend to catch up, or to stay connected with a current friend. its casual enough to hang out with a guy and not make assumptions, the atmosphere is just perfect. and they are all over the world, so you always know what you're getting, it always tastes the same.

#2 im an ENFJ and my strengths finder results are communication, woo, input, harmony, and positivity. ok enfj: extrovert, intuitive, feeler, judgement. it would take waaaay too long to type and read the more precise definitions of those, but suffice it to say that i draw energy from people, i tend to fill in the blanks, (to be exact, my N and S are equal, intuitive and sensing, which is basically following a pattern, having the steps laid out, so i switch between both, depending on the circumstance), i operate from my feelings, and i like lists and order. the words for my sf are pretty self-explanatory, although im absolutely nuts over the different personality tests, so feel free to message me to talk more at-length about it.

#1 Jesus has changed me life. i have fallen in love, and there is no going back. with him, ive been able to travel around the world, sharing the love that he is constantly pouring into me. experiencing life filled with his grace and love, walking around this earth knowing how unworthy i am, and yet knowing that he has chosen me, is an experience that cant help but change you. i am so in love with him, and everyday that we spend together, i learn a little more about his character, and fall deeper and deeper. its the biggest thrill ride i have ever been on, and im allowed to ride forever!!

whew, i could keep going and going! im pretty sure that will do. so im supposed to tag 7 people here...i dont really know many people with blogs (that i know about, any way), so ill link to their facebooks or myspace, i guess...well, the lucky people tonight shall be...my little sister megan, my best friend trisha, my awesome roommate amy, and my wonderful friends tony, j.t. santos, and jenn. have fun guys!

YWAM shootings.

2007-12-27T22:38:00.000-08:00

i know this happened a while ago now, i came across this the other day and wanted to make mention of it. i would love to talk with anyone who has questions, or just want to discuss this situation, or anything else at all...

Youth With a Mission takes in just about anyone -- even an unstable young man who would later shoot and kill 4 in Colorado.

By Nicholas Riccardi, Los Angeles Times Staff Writer
December 18, 2007

COLORADO SPRINGS, COLO. -- Paul Filidis thought little of Christianity as he backpacked through Afghanistan in the early 1970s, searching for top-grade hashish and Eastern enlightenment.

Then his passport was stolen and he took shelter with a group of missionaries who had moved to Kabul to help wanderers on the hippie trail. "They looked just like me," Filidis said.
The missionaries took Filidis in and helped him get a new passport. Filidis, who had believed Christianity was only for old people, eventually became a convert. He has spent the last three decades with that group, Youth With a Mission. His 20-year-old, tongue-pierced daughter, Noelle, just finished a YWAM mission to India, where she nursed sick villagers and was attacked by a mob of Hindu fundamentalists.

The mission "gave an opportunity to kids to go out," Noelle said. "Like kids can impact the world."

Youth With a Mission is a nondenominational Christian network that takes in just about anyone -- punk rockers, misfits, retired engineers, schoolteachers, fresh-faced teens. After a little training, they are sent to preach the Gospel in some of the most dangerous parts of the globe.

That nonconformist approach brought tragedy to the group last week when Matthew Murray, who had been expelled for apparent mental health problems, fatally shot four people -- two at the Arvada Youth With a Mission office near Denver and two at New Life Church in Colorado Springs -- before killing himself.

The attack exposed what Youth With a Mission members acknowledged was the group's greatest vulnerability and its greatest strength.

"YWAM has been known as a mission that believes in young people and gives them a chance," said Jarod Marshall, 32, a staffer in the Colorado Springs branch. "You believe in people, and there's a risk in that -- but it's a risk worth taking."

Youth With a Mission is considered avant-garde, on the "bleeding edge" of the evangelical movement, said A. Scott Moreau, a professor at Wheaton College in Illinois who studies mission programs.

"They are passionate, they are a bit wild," Moreau said. "A lot of agencies are wondering how they're going to mobilize this generation. YWAM has figured it out."

One veteran calls YWAM (the acronym is regularly pronounced Why-Wham and members are known as YWAMers) a Christian Peace Corps. Projects include working with prostitutes in Holland and orphans in Mexico, and providing clean drinking water or dental care in Third World countries. Youth With a Mission also launched the Reconciliation Walk, a 1,500-mile trek through Turkey and the Middle East to atone for violence perpetrated in the name of Christianity during the Crusades.

In places where Christian missionaries are typically not welcome, such as Afghanistan or the Middle East, Youth With a Mission operates under other names and does not publicly proselytize. The group believes that doing good works is the best way to save people's souls, members say.

Youth With a Mission is non-hierarchical, allowing any of its 16,000 staffers or the 3 million people it estimates have gone through its training programs to develop their own mission and go anywhere to pursue it.

"There's this growing sense among younger people that they want to be part of something that's bigger than themselves," Marshall said. "YWAM's in a position to say, 'You want to do something? We can help you go abroad and make a difference in somebody's life.' "

Marshall joined the group when he was a teenager after taking one of its trips to the Caribbean. "I was smacked in the face by the huge distance between people in the world -- our affluence and their extreme poverty," he said.

Marshall and his wife, Carly, also a missionary, are leaving for Thailand next month to work in refugee camps along the border with Myanmar, also known as Burma. Another YWAMer they know invited them -- a typically informal way for a mission to start.

The mission group was the brainchild of Loren Cunningham, who was a Pentecostal college student on summer break in the Bahamas when he had a vision of waves of young people crashing onto the shores of all continents. He founded Youth With a Mission after he graduated in 1960. He still works out of the group's main office in Hawaii.

"He wanted to reach young people, especially college-age people, before they got stuck with a job," said Filidis, 57, who works in the group's communications office.

Filidis took a break from the mission in the late 1970s to get his degree at Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena. He also worked at Christian ministries in Glendale and Seattle. But the experience drove him back to Youth With a Mission.

It was "the attitude in YWAM that wants to serve, that wants to take the lower road rather than the higher road, that will do the dirty work," Filidis said. "I'd rather take those attitudes than those of organizations that want to be on power trips."

Filidis recounted one mission that he views as emblematic of YWAM's hands-on approach -- working in refugee camps in Southeast Asia after the fall of Saigon, since renamed Ho Chi Minh City. YWAMers volunteered to take care of the latrines and spent hours standing in human excrement. A U.N. report noted the group's commitment to doing practical work, no matter how unpleasant. "I hope we never lose that," he said.

Mark Lang dropped out of college in 1983 to join Youth With a Mission. Raised in a Lutheran household, he had longed for missionary work.

"If I was going to become a Lutheran missionary, I would have had to go to four years of college and four years of seminary," said Lang, 43. "Would you like to do that or go to school for three months and go out and do something? You go make that choice when you're 18."

Lang joined a theater troupe that performed allegorical religious plays. He moved to Europe, traveled with the company through Greece and Italy camping on beaches, then worked in the Youth With a Mission branch in Amsterdam, which ran a nightclub on a houseboat that featured a band called No Longer Music.

"YWAM kind of pioneers a lot of things in ministries that are later replicated or perfected by other groups," said Lang, who is based in Colorado Springs. He oversees health projects in a central Asian country he would not name for fear that the Muslim nation would shut down the operations if it realized they were directed by missionaries.

The intention is not simply to rack up converts, he said. "We can't provide a spiritual solution" to poor people, Lang said, "unless we can come into their lives and provide practical solutions as well."

The group's 1,000 bases are linked solely by the three-month training course consisting of lectures and workshops on biblical principles, plus an official set of shared values. The bases independently stage missions.

"It's so decentralized that it's very difficult, even for them, to tell you everything they're doing," said Jonathan Bonk, executive director of the Overseas Ministries Study Center in New Haven, Conn.

The bases are a cross between Christian crash pads and college dorms. The Colorado Springs branch is in a former hotel. The dining room has been converted into a coffee bar -- fixed up with worn couches, tables and board games -- that is the scene for all-night discussions. Many of the 120 staffers live in the hotel rooms, as do the few dozen students who cycle through every three months.

Andrew Williams, 23, is the campus barista. He prides himself on mixing new blends of teas. He heard of Youth With a Mission at his church in Sonora, Calif., in 2005 and has stayed partly because of the sense of community. "Just the relationships I have with people here is amazing," Williams said.

Gil Datz, the base's worship coordinator, said that the emphasis on communal learning and living means YWAMers learn a lot about their colleagues. "It means a guy like Matt cannot hide," he said.

Murray enrolled in 2002 at the base in Arvada, about 80 miles from here. Staffers there decided he should not finish the program because of unspecified health problems that would have made it "unsafe," so he left.

He returned five years later, just after midnight on Sunday, Dec. 9, and asked to stay the night. Staffers said no. He opened fire, wounding two and killing Philip Crouse, 24, and Tiffany Johnson, 26. Twelve hours later he killed two teenage girls at New Life Church in Colorado Springs before being shot by an armed volunteer security guard. Murray then killed himself.

Crouse and Johnson embodied Youth With a Mission's edgy approach. Crouch was a former skinhead who hoped to reach angry teens; Johnson had started a skateboarding ministry to help alienated youths.

Many YWAMers point out that Murray was the sort of person they would want to help. "That's what makes the issue with Matthew so painful," said Jeremy Pyhala, 33, a Colorado Springs staffer. "We look at him with potential."

a good quote...a long thought.

2007-12-19T21:39:00.000-08:00

"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone." Audrey Hepburn

i came across this quote the other day, (i ADORE everything audrey hepburn!), and it gave me pause, for quite some time.
you see, we were created, all of us, for people. we were created for relationship with our Father, and for fellowship with each other.
without knowing it (i guess), ms. hepburn is pointing to God, for He is all of these things to us, He has done all of these things for us.

restored:

job 33:26 He prays to God and finds favor with him, he sees God's face and shouts for joy; he is restored by God to his righteous state.
renewed:
colossians 3:10 Do not lie to one another, since you laid aside the old self with its evil practices, and have put on the new self who is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the One who created him
revived:
psalm 119:50 This is my comfort in my affliction,That Your word has revived me.

reclaimed:

ok, bible gateway couldn't find any verses that specifically said the word reclaimed, but there are tons of references using similar words stating such, with israel, and the land, and our souls, throughout the old and new testaments.
redeemed:
isaiah 43:1 But now, thus says the LORD, your Creator, O Jacob,And He who formed you, O Israel,"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;I have called you by name; you are Mine!

the biggest thing ive learned from this quote, in the few minutes ive spent processing it, is the dire importance of our availability to people, and in being available to them, showing them, through our lifestyles, the love of Jesus, that has compelled us to bring that to all around us, to live from our souls and constantly move forward with that love. christians are supposed to be known, and set apart from other religions, by our love. one thing i know is that in my flesh i can not produce the kind of love demanded by Jesus shown to His people, but living in His grace is teaching me how to live in His love, and in doing so, out-pouring that love to others. i fail at this everyday, and fall far short of my potential, but the word grace is so much bigger than a five letter word, and its only by living in that that i can love at all. im far too selfish and self-serving otherwise. 'never throw anyone out". people are obviously important to Jesus, and He loves every single person so much that He saw everyone from then to eternity and determined them worth dying for. according to matthew 28 and mark 16, its essential that we go out into the world (whether that's across the street or across the world), and show them Him, let them decide what to do with Him. our job is to bring love into this world, a world filled with pride (and many other things, all which can be summed up with the word pride...it is the root of all evil). every single person is valuable on this earth, and God has a celestial plan for their life. so we must go out there and love, and point Gods precious people in the direction that plan could be in.

christmas tiiiimee is here...

2007-12-03T17:04:00.000-08:00

so we've decorated our lovely little house for christmas. check it out...

a homemade wreath made from tree droppings decorated with dollar store decorations!

our christmas advent candle

my little dollar store wreath (its really small)

ornaments in my ikea bowl...so festive.

amy and i also put a strand of lights around our window facing out, but i couldnt get a good shot of it.

as nice as all this is (and im totally listening to christmas music now, you better believe!...charlie browns christmas :), i am soooo ready to go home and be surrounded by all the christmas decorations and festivities there! we have the base christmas party in about an hour, so off i must go to get ready for a night of festivities, talent, and fellowship with my other family!

the obsession of universal proportions...alien sized-ones too.

2007-11-27T00:03:00.000-08:00

ok so im at the tail end of watching on dvd the tv show roswell. i never saw it while it aired, but my amazing roommates cornered me and forced me to watch the very first episode. after that, i was completely hooked. as in, in over my head, cant breathe, physically feel the intensity the fake characters go through, all i can think about when im not watching it obsessed. i am hopeless. completely, ridiculously, insanely in obsession over this show.
if you havent heard of this show before this blog, heres a recap:
Roswell is about teenage alien/human hybrids living in Roswell, New Mexico who attempted to survive as humans and hide their alien sides, while trying to learn more about their alien powers, as well as figuring out how to get home. Roswell intertwined romance and science fiction that always kept you guessing.
this teenage angst-ridden, passion filled, episode-turning, mind-blowing show is filled with the most chemistry i have ever seen in my life.
its pathetic, actually, how genuinely crazy over this show i am, but what can i say? i wish an alien/human hyprid named max evans came down from planet andar and swept me off my feet by giving me visions when he kisses me.
or if michael guerin came down and showed up at my window one rain-soaked evening, needing nothing but a shoulder to cry on, that would be okay too.
or if kyle...or alex...
as long as that alien homewrecking whore tess never shows up in my false reality, im ready to step into tv land and live ever after in a world filled with alien kisses, healing touches, and lots of road trips.

thanks...thanks...thanksgiving!!

2007-11-22T20:29:00.000-08:00

soooo today was thanksgiving...and whew, i barely survived!! it was a woooonderful day!! i woke up just in time to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, then i made a pumpkin roll, which i need to rename (any ideas?)...that name just does not do it justice. mom, megan and i played phase 10 for awhile, and by that time aunt debbie showed up, and things really got rolling! we ate minimal appetizers, drank cranberry kiss cocktails, and finished preparations for the meal. around this time everyone else showed up, my grandparents, my hippie aunt and uncle, her mom, and my second, second cousin, or something, and her husband. we had the most aaaaamazing meal, totally gourmet everything, it was fantastic.
everyone just left, and i am reminded how lucky i am to have family, and how grateful it makes me feel to be able to come home and be completely enveloped in the coziness of the holidays...which reminds me...its time to start decorating for christmas!!!! wahoo!

the brightest star in the constellation (also known as las vegas)

2007-11-14T19:50:00.000-08:00

the trip:
sooo i went to las vegas for a week. (ok 6 days.) my dad has a trade show for work there every year, and my mom goes with him, for a mini vacay, and to see the shows. this year, they asked me to come with them, and went i did.

the grand canyon
my sister came down last minute, and we spent saturday at the grand canyon, my first time ever!! it was so breathtakingly beautiful, it brought tears to my eyes. they said that it was formed from the melt of the first ice age, volcanos/earthquakes, and the colorado river (fun fact: colorado means many colors). they have this new thing called the Skywalk, which is a big horseshoe looking thing that extends out over the canyon that has a glass floor that you walk on, and look 4,000 (thousand!) feet below. it was the trippiest thing i have ever done, and soooo cool! it was a big accomplishment for my mom, who has wanted to go ever since they started building it several years ago. to get to the canyon, we had to travel for 21 miles on an unpaved road. translation: it wasn't paved...at all. quite the adventure.

the hotels
after this, we stayed (one night only) and the westin. the name probably doesnt do much for you, but let me tell you, this was THE nicest hotel i have ever stayed at! ohhh my word, 5 pillows on the bed, starbucks coffee to brew in your room (!), talk about luxury. speaking of luxury...
we stayed on the strip at the luxor (its the pyramid shaped one with a light beam coming out of the top that you can see from space)
this hotel is an engineering marvel...i kinda sound like an architectural digest writer, huh?
the inside is sort of like embassy suites, where you can see all the doors to the rooms, so its hollow. the elevators aren't elevators, but "inclinators", which take you up or down at a 39 degree angle, its really weird, but fun. its all egyptian themed, with fake artifacts everywhere (and a few real ones too).
by far though, without a doubt, my very favorite hotel there is...the Venetian ( i even used capitalization!). words can not adequately express my deep love and identity with the venetian. its themed after venice (duh), and is opulent, exquisite, dramatic, and stunningly lovely. they have gondola rides with singing operators that go in and out of the hotel, very fine dining (i totally ate at an upscale, 50$ a plate restaurant there!). they pipe scent into the air!! its this amazing, flowery without being flowery, rich smelling scent that is heavenly. they have accordian players randomly placed throughout that play italian music, statues that are really people, the MOST amazing stores (not literally the most, i think caesers palace wins that one), and absolutly stunning interior decorations. i fell in love, and i think its going to be quite the love affair, indeed.
i was able to visit most of the big ones, including...
the Bellagio (talk about rich!!)
the Mirage
Treasure Island
the Stratosphere
Mandalay Bay
Planet Hollywood
the Paris
New York New York
Caesers Palace
Luxor
the Venetian
the paris was a close second favorite of mine, my favorite architecture-wise, it was abeautiful building. the inside was made to lok like you were outside, and my mom and i would sit at on of the "sidewalk" cafes and drink coffee, it was a beautiful thing. the eiffel tower was pretty impressive too though. and i won 60 bucks there!
new york new york was really fun, the atmosphere was right up my alley, and it was cool to semi-experience a place that ive always wanted to go to. my sister and i even rode the roller coaster (freaky, you had like, half a harness, it was weird. but fun.
of course i must mention the Bellagio, im afraid i didnt see enough of it, for all its wealth and splendor, it didnt strike me as much as the venetian did...although it was way cool to see where they filmed a bunch of oceans eleven...i was a bit disappointed to not go into the gallery of fine art though. it did leave quite the impression on me, for now it is an ambition of mine to stay in one of their suites...after seeing what the casino looked like, i can only imagine a room!
so mandalay bay was cool, they had an awesome (for a hotel) aquarium...i ADORE aquariums!! and the place smelled like coconuts! they piped scent into this one too, it was fantastic! a huge bonus, in my book.
whew, i thinked ive talked enough about the hotels (though i could go on and on!)

the shows
soooo i went to three shows!!
i am such a lucky girl, thank you mommy and daddy! sunday night we saw Blue Man Group. i freaking love the blue man group!!! im in looooveee!! these guys truly put on a spectacular, astounding SHOW, they are the true definition of showmen. before the show even started, the ushers rolled toilet/crepe paper for the audience to decorate themselves in, and towards the end of the show they rolled it from the back and we rolled mounds and mounds of it over our heads towards the front, the whole entire audience was completely covered in the stuff! they did a lot of audience participation, and one of them chose my dad!! he came up (the blue man) into the audience, picked my dad, and gave him three chocolate things (fake) to throw into his mouth from a little distance, and darn if he didnt catch every one of them! he then went back to my dad, opened his hand, and spit it out! it was AWESOME!!! and then i got a few photos with them after the show!
monday night we saw Stomp Out Loud, which started with two guys, a street performer who used random objects to bang and drum on, and a comedic performer, the two forces combined, and out came stomp! the cast was about 20 people, and they banged and made INCREDIBLE rhythms out of everything from brooms to cardboard boxes to trash cans, the whole time putting on an incredible show from hanging off the walls banging on hubcaps and other wacky objects.
tuesday night we saw mystere (me-stare), a cirque show. oh, my word. it was trippy, visually stunning, breathtakingly beautiful, and wacky. i was speechless for a little while, actually. i didnt research it beforehand, which i regret, but i think the premise was someones circus dream...haha, isnt that the general premise of all of them? they swung from the rafters, swirled head-first from poles, walked on stilts, used ventriloquism, banged on drums while being lowered from the ceiling, and did a see-saw act that left my palms sweaty and heart pounding. this show is a true heart-stopping, breath-gasping, beautifully choreographed wonder show.
of course, i mustn't neglect the water show at the bellagio. my mom and i went to the top of the eiffel tower at night to watch it, and its JUST as good as it is on tv! aaamazing!
i cant wait till next year!!!! im gonna see "o", and le reve, and ka, and danny gans, and hans klok and...

the gambling
so with my parents money, i gambled a fair bit, always on slots. my mom loves the wheel of fortune one, and im a fan now too. if you land on spin, the wheel goes around and you win extra points,! anywhere from 20 to 1000 points, excuse me, credits. so like, 250 bucks.
but hey, i won a hundred bucks when all was said and done! (dont ask me how much was spent though!)
i realized im not huge on gambling (not that i ever really was), but it doesnt make sense to me to gamble on something, when i can go shopping! at least ill have something to show for my money with that, with gambling, im just going to lose it all, then im left with nothing (i know, theres always the possibility, but come on). it was fun to sit with my mom and put 20 bucks in the machine and play for hours though.

and now, im spent. after a long day of travel, lost luggage, too many hours sitting, and hours awake, im ready for a good ole nights sleep in my own puny bed with lots of roommates and thin walls! wahoo, im home!...until next week, when ill REALLY be home!...

the body shop at home

2007-11-04T12:39:00.000-08:00

soooo...im a consultant for the body shop! well, alia, karisse and i are sort of a three in one deal...

and i looooove it! i love everything about the body shop! the products are the best quality that i've ever found, and everything is water-based instead of oil, which is my favorite part.
the values of the company also drew me in, and secured me as a fan for life...

here are some of my favorite products:

the aloe skin care regimen...

the satsuma (yummy!) body wash...

the vanilla spice fragrance oil...it smells like christmas!!

and i cant forget the entire peppermint foot care line...

the best of all, the body shop products are

so if you want to host a party, or you're ever in need on some fabulous products, most of what we sell is three dollars cheaper than in stores, you know who to call!

california wildfires... a wild time

2007-11-02T20:27:00.000-07:00

so as im sure you all have been reading lately, california is burning. well, los angeles and san diego anyway, and that makes up a huge part of it. im in los angeles, and while no where in the near vicinity of me did fires come near, i was definitely affected, in a few ways. one sunday afternoon a group of us went to six flags. riding roller coasters amidst a smoke filled sky (so heavy the sun was red and easy to watch) with ash raining down on us, we rode coaster after coaster, and scared ourselves silly in the haunted house (it was fright fest, after all), all the while looking into the horizon and thinking, "wow, thats intense". didn't see it coming, or what was actually happening. the next day it started to click. los angeles was burning, and it was right next door. the santa ana winds didn't help, and blew the door to the girls bathroom clear off its hinges. it was a weekend.
after many prayer and intercession meetings, and news watching and reading, we realized we needed to do something. after calling the red cross, and calling churches in san diego, we got hooked up with a southern baptist church in chula vista to go down for a week and help with relief efforts. that next sunday we took 6 students down to do what we could for those in need. the pastor of the church set us up in a few homes of people in the congregation, (talk about blessings! we were spoiled) and connected us with the southern baptist convention disaster relief. (for the sake of time and typing well shorten it to so-bap)
the so-baps convention works with the american red cross, and any time a disaster hits, they are there to help out however they can. its an international organization, and man, these people live it. they see a need, and they meet it. serving their communities in this way opens so many doors to praying for and speaking into the lives of those around who need the love of Jesus, its amazing how God multiplies the blessings. the amazing thing about working with them, was the fact that almost (if not) all of them were retired. many of them had rv's, and would wait for a disaster to strike, then pack up and take off to help out. working with older people was SUCH and aaaaamzing blessing! the wisdom, life experiences and humor these people brought to the job made it irresistable to have a good time, and a little heart0breaking to leave behind. talking with one of the red cross workers, he said that when a disaster hits, if the so-baps aren't already on the scene washing dishes by the time they get there, we will all be in trouble.
ok, so anyway, every morning at...4 AM (!!) we arose and drove to parking lot c of Petco Park in downtown sd to prepare meals for the evacuees and newly homeless. that first day we showed up, we prepared 33,000 (thousand!!) meals. the so-baps had two operating kitchens to work in, so we split up and got our elbows deep in cream of chicken soup and macaroni noodles (some casserole dish). in the mornings we would have a small devotion and a briefing for the day, and then we would head to our appointed stations and do our thing. my station, i like to call it, was the "carbs and starch" station. we made everything from rice to noodles, mashed potatoes to beef barbecue. working with the same people everyday, you become familiar and comfortable with them (interesting considering we were only there for four days). that first day alone, i managed to pick up a nickname, which im convinced has everything to do with my coordinated nature. after dropping a pound of butter not into the pot, but the ground, they started calling me butterfingers. it didnt help that i managed to do it again the next day.
so being the youngest people there was a blast. it also ensured all the grunt work fell on our shoulders. literally. one day, as we prepared sloppy joes, my job was to empty the humongous gallon pots in to the cambros (containers the red cross uses that depending on the food product, can hold up to 250 servings) and proceed to carry those onto palates for the red cross to load up and take to the emergency shelters. i worked physically harder this last week than i can ever remember doing, and what joy it was! keeping the perspective of why we were there, and working with the fabulous people we did made it an experience i will not soon forget. my feet are still mad at me. i cant wait till the next time i can do something like this (not that im wishing for a disaster or anything, definitely not, but if another one blows, floods, or burns my way, i know who to work with).
it was a quick week that came and went, and at the end of it all, what i recall the most is the people who had such servant hearts. and, oh yeah, all the nicknames and wrong turns we made along the way.

values.

2007-09-06T22:12:00.000-07:00

so ive been inspired to come up with my own personal list of values, if you will. heres what ive got so far...

[DISCLAIMER: this is a first rough draft, a no-notes, recounts, or error-checked draft, meaning that at any time i can change, fix, delete, or add on to any one or number of items.]

...wait a second. before i even begin, lets get some items out of the way...
first of all, i ask the question, what is a value?
the answer? (wow its a good thing i did an somd :)
-my values are characteristics from God that determine my behavior, what makes me unique, and am insistent on upholding in my own life.
now, what has value, according to me?
-the following compilation is determinate of my behavior, personality, and belief system, at this present time, anyway.

now to the good stuff...
(i imagine a red carpet rolling out right here, presenting at the end what everyone has been waiting all night for...the star of the show, the glue that holds it all together...)

[in no particular order whatsoever]

i value...

- an honest days work for an honest days pay
(to keep laziness out of the picture)
- skepticism, struggle, and the urge to question everything
(to find out for myself what i believe to be true)
- laughter, jokes, silliness, and general goofings around
(as a means of maintaining and upholding my personality)
- intimacy, truth, honor, and integrity in every relationship
(otherwise, i fail to see the point)
- the Bible as an authoritative source on every matter
(its my absolute truth..."there are no absolutes." "are you absolutely sure?")
- Jesus
- family
(they are my rock. your family reflects you, however you choose. what does my family say about me?)
- a commitment to love the lost, hurting, dying and disappearing in our society today, sharing the joy and light that is mine, that is meant for every soul
(otherwise, my life really has no value. or purpose.)

reflecting back on that, there are many things that are me that are not a part of this list, it is not exhaustive you see, but a mere glimpse into my life, as this present moment. i also see that i have many items in my life to look over, change. my personal values are a tall order, and only can be accomplished when i lay myself down, and let the maker of me be the change...
what will you do?

transformer fires and the night they all slept on the mission field.

2007-09-02T12:23:00.000-07:00

so last night i flew back to la after a week of vacation, and as we exited the freeway moses commented on how dark it was, really dark. as he was saying this, we realized that it wasnt just dark, the freaking power was out!! our entire grid was down, there was not a light to be found anywhere. apparently the transformer caught on fire, which is a really bad thing. everyone expected the power to be out for days. we rolled up to the base, and immediately turned around and got the h out of there, it was a hundred flipping degrees outside (at least it felt like that, it was REALLY hot and muggy!), and inside the trailers it was even worse. we went and got a drink instead, where there was not only pool tables and tv's with the game on, but really nice ac. afterwards, we decided that there was no way we were going to stick around and try in sleep in such swampy, miserable conditions, so we made a few calls, and the fabulous moses took us to his fabulous ghetto mansion, where we not only enjoyed the amazing air conditioning, we also watched some pretty awesome movies on his pretty awesome tv. we all nodded off for a while, basking in the cool air and low volume noise (trying to sleep on a base with 60 plus people and no sounds to drown it out = not a good time.) around 2 we woke up and headed back, where i proceeded to fall onto my bed, hot and sticky, but relatively miserable-free, considering some of the conditions ive endured elsewhere. around 8.30-ish i rolled over, and was pleasantly awakened by a roll of cool air that swept over my body, the power was back on! i can only imagine the lengths the power guys had to go through, staying up all night in an effort to relieve us of the oppresion as quickly as possible. so we played hooky from church, went to dennys instead, and now are inside of our trailer, where the swamp cooler is on, and all is well. what else are we going to do to stay cool today? well, there is that movie were going to this afternoon, and the pool which is just calling our names. sigh, life really isnt so bad when its a holiday weekend and you can stay up late inside of mansions and go swimming at night and enjoy movies during the day.

end of the day thoughts:

2007-08-20T21:28:00.000-07:00

* worshiping God is one of the easiest things ive ever done. and the most fulfilling. so why don't i do it constantly?

* i need to support raise to support my body shop slash scrapbooking habit.

* i cant wait to go home on friday!! wahoo!!

* i need to read my Bible more...i cant even remember how long its been since ive really dug into the word.

*coffee with a good friend (OR... a good book) is something i need to do more often.

* i wonder when i will get a chance to heal somebody.

* i wish karisse woul get home sooner so we can start greys again.

the first

2007-08-15T20:48:00.001-07:00

welcome to the new blog!
this is a creative outlet for me to express myself and whats going on, and also for you to keep up with everything im doing and all the places im going without having to call me or email me all the time. i hope you enjoy it!