its the end of the world as we know it...

a bit extreme perhaps, but certainly closer to how i am feeling these last few days. today is grad. tomorrow i never see most of these people again. my heart is getting ripped out, once again. i remember before this school started, wondering why i said yes, when i knew that once it was over i would be miserable knowing that i just went though this all over again. can i curl up in a ball on the floor and block everything out and just cry? that exactly how ive felt at the end of every school, and why would this be any exception? this is probably the worst. these students have found a place in my heart that is only for them, and the last five months have been such a joy, exploring who they are, and coming alongside them and championing them further into their destiny with Jesus. what a freaking privilege! as im typing this, all of their faces are running in front of my eyes, and i JUST DONT WANT TO SAY GOODBYE!! :( not many dts staff could say this, but i wish i could spend another five months with them. the thing i think about most is the first three months, the lecture phase. seeing brand new people coming to a place they really have no idea about, searching for God and not knowing whats about to happen, to see them wrestle through issues, pasts, hurts, and identities to come to a place of love like they have never experienced is something to be cherished. every single student has taught me a valuable lesson, and im so freaking blessed to live this life, how did i get so lucky? i love you Lord! i just don't know what to say, theres so much on my heart, but i can hardly squeeze the words out. maybe in a few days, when all of my emotions have calmed, and im over stupid jet-lag, ill try again...

home again home again jiggidy jig!

america the beautiful how i have missed thee!
after 17 hours of travel, i descended the escalator at lax and almost cried at the beautiful sign saying welcome to the united states of america! the passport control guy said, "welcome home, miss", and i beamed in delight. yes, sir, i AM home!
time is weird weird thing. i feel like i was just here, and at the same time that ive been gone for at least a year. i think a little bit of my brain is still somewhere hovering over the pacific. i cam home to a wonderful reception of my house mates waiting up for me, and lovely signs welcoming me home. sigh, i truly love living here! i missed you guys!
i feel like there is so much to write about, i just dont know where to begin. perhaps i shall write a bit later today, after all, there is much laundry and cleaning to be done. after a very full week of debrief as a school, we have a few days left here, and then its all over with! wow. wow.

bugbites and fireflies.

ahhhh. after a scorching hot shower, im pretty sure all remnants from the buddhist eco-village have been washed away. we spent three glorious nights sleeping in clay huts with tin roofs, or some of us, straw roofs. we were under mosquito netting, but with all the holes, we still got eaten alive. literally. i stopped counting bug bits after forty. and the gnats? who even swats them away anymore? the first night, tiesha and i got all snuggled on our mats (it might have well been just cement...they were pretty threadbare) and were chatting when all of the sudden, the rain hit! it was SO loud on that tin roof, and the huts are anything but sealed, and on her side of the wall there are wooden slats at the top, and the roof is above the line, there are holes everywhere....we had a fine mist to cool us down as we tried to fall asleep! for the first time in several years, i didnt wear earplugs, because the sound of the frogs and the crickets was too beautiful. if not thunderously loud. weve learned a lot about eco-living. they showed us how to cut some sort of water plant, that we chopped into bits, that they ferment and use as something for something...yeah. we picked mangosteens from the orchards (yumm!!! my official new favorite fruit), and had a wallpoing good time with the children, when they would come at night. we didn't shower. at all. for four days. well, most of us. pretty sick. the boys smelled disgusting! haha. it was a very relaxed atmosphere, everyone was more interested in living life than anything else, and we just went with the flow. speaking of flow! night before last, after it got darak they took us in boats down the mangrove swamp to watch the fireflys!!! we dont have those in california, and i could have cried at the beauty. it was the most incredible experience! it was dark out, the swamp resembled something similar to the swamps in lousianna, it was so quiet and peaceful, and the trees were full of glowing buggies! we were out there for a good hour or so, and i could have stayed all night. have you been on the pirates of the caribbean ride at disneyland? it sort of resembled that, minus the cannons and yo-ho'ing. we are back at the guest house, and tomorrow we are going to the pattya gardens, where from the sound of it, we will experience something simliar to what a luau is to hawaii. im so excited! on monday we are heading to the wonderful hotel-o-debrief, where we will meet up with the rest of the school, and enjoy a solid ten days of pool, beach, good food, maybe a massage or two, more pool, and lots and lots of stories! i must go now...mcdonalds at the mall is calling us!

a quick word...

with the cyclone in burma, and the earthquake in china, there are disasters all around us! but we are fine, about to head to a buddhist eco-village until friday afternoon, to learn about their culture, and introduce them to ours. after that, ministry is over and debrief begun! as it is a village, there will be no internet, so until friday....
oh, and ps: the team we have in china is fine. the earthquake hit the same province they are in, but everyone is okay and im pretty sure that where they are, they didnt even feel it. praise Him!

birthday!

its my birthday! im 23 years young, nd my lovely team has been....lovely! they put together a very special birthday breakfast of french toast, scrambled eggs, and orange juice! rare and precious commodities in these parts! i got some wonderful books and journals from my family, which gary has been so graciously holding onto for me, and my roommates put together a very funny card, which was the perfect thing to wake up to! knowing you are loved is the most important thing about a birthday, i suppose. i have no idea what the rest of the day hold, as we are getting ready to leave tonight on yet another sleeper bus (grr!) headed to our very last ministry location! we will be in rayong, on the east-ish coast of thailand, working with a vineyard church for three days, and then its off to the village! and then...debrief!! i cant believe were almost done, it really does seem like forever ago that we started. weve been on this crazy adventure now for 50 days!!! sheesh! theres not much new to report...the old siam was disappointing, it was a bunch of crumbling brick temples, and no one spoke english, our translator wasnt much help, so we had no idea about anything. oh well, we still had fun!
until next time...

its a heat waaaave...

its getting hot hot hot...
its so HOTTT here!!!! aaahhhh!!! truly i am experiencing a heat wave of ginormous proportions. this morning we were hoeing weeds, and sweat is just dripping everywhere. then this afternoon, a fuse blew, so we dont have any fans to keep the sweat at bay, somewhat. i just checked the weather report, and today is 100 degrees, 41 % humidity. no joke. you only thought i was being dramatic. i shall never complain about california heat ever again. ever.
weve been given some work to do around the grounds, hoeing weeds. the most pointless of tasks, because what they want specifically, is for us to get the weeds out, but to leave the top soil, so basically we are using cover up on a pimple. haha! really, we are getting the weeds out, and raking over the top, and doing the same thing the next day. in this heat. this morning i saw all the sprouts of lovely little weeds coming up from the first place we worked on. maybe they think its grass? whatever. bottom line is, we are blessing them, and the ministry, and that is what counts. and i learned how to cook thai food today! well, the most basic of thai dishes, curry. ask me over sometime, ill cook it for you :)
oh! so, theres a wedding taking place in the village tomorrow, and here, weddings are three-day events. so yesterday, bright and early (no joke, six o clock), music started blaring over loudspeakers. they do this for THREE DAYS! all day long. it doesnt stop till somewhere around midnight. sometimes it gets so loud you have to yell a little to be heard. thankfully we'll be gone for most of tomorrow, seeing where the original capital of thailand, back when it was known as siam, was located. i love history! im very much looking forward to it. we were invited to the wedding, im pretty sure as a formality, as the pastor were working with is presiding over it, but we gracefully (hopefully!) declined. talk about awkward, crashing a strangers wedding, AND being the only white people. might be a little obvious.
we leave the day after tomorrow, and except for a four day excursion into a buddhist eco-village to live and sleep amongst them, well be staying in a guest house, which no matter how cheap it is will still be nicer than anything weve been living in so far, until debrief, when we hit the jackpot of nice accomodations. how sweet it is! im VERY much looking forward to sleeping in air-con from now on. not that im complaining :) haha, why start now?
ive been lingering on this blog long enough, and i just got worried that the power might go down, and ill lose every precious word ive spent some much time forming into coherent ideas and statements...its happened before. more than once. grr.
sawatii kaa!

i have no idea for a title...

here i am, once again....
so yesterday was church day, and church was...well...as you might expect an overseas church in a rural area might be. it was long (though nothing can beat the easter service in south africa...6 hours!!), and not at all organized...not at all. gary gave the message, which was quite good, and they presented us with little chirstmas tree quilts and thank you cards for the work weve done. we then went to a church members home for lunch, which wasnt bad. rice and some sort of green curry-ish type dish. they all fell asleep after that, which was kind of funny, and when they woke up (they being most of the church, about 20 people were there), we had worship, and the pastor preached, or something, for about a half hour.
it was gray and overcast, and had rained a little bit off and on, but oh, no, we were going to see some waterfalls! this poor team just has had the work luck with waterfalls. check out my blog on that adventure from the philippines...and now this. they were only trying to bless us....we drove this time, no hiking, thank the sweet baby Jesus! we drive for a looong distance, in the back of a truck (its true mom, im sorry!), and when we get there, i started laughing out loud. the stupid "waterfall" was a giant trickle coming down man-made rocks. the slightly swimmable portion of it was brown and murky....what a waste!! but they tried. it was sweet. they ended up taking us to the local community pool, our favorite hang-out in town (which btw is about a twenty minute drive). and they watched us swim. in overcast weather. kind of awkward, but whatever!
a few days ago we had a day off.
the caves! oh, the caves.
so yes.
on our day off, they lovingly thought we would enjoy going to check out some local caves. personally, i dont care, ive been in caves before, seen it once, seen it all, is my philosophy. i didnt really have an interest in going, but i didnt vocalize any of that. of course not. a leader would never do that. so we go, and its...well..some big holes in rock formations. kinda smelly, kinda boring. but whatever. some of the people started making fun of one of the girls, and mama bear came out! i was ready to start cracking skulls, no one dares make fun of one of my chickys! i felt so protective and motherly, its apparent that leading this outreach is somewhat helping in preparing me for motherhood (one day looooong from now!!). i was so angry i couldnt even look at them, so she and i went back and waited for everyone else. after cooling off (both of us), and when the rest of the team got back, they thought we would enjoy seeing the worlds oldest teak tree. which we didnt, but tried our hardest to not let that show, and instead thank them for all that they were doing for us. it was really lame, but thats not what its about. they then drove us to this really pretty dam (i think its the queens dam? or something) for lunch, which was pretty good. i dont remember what we had. all i remember is gary and i had a wonderful conversation, and i got iced coffee! they said that they wanted to take us swimming (our group just loves the water!), and we drove to the most disgusting place ive ever seen! it was some sort of floating village, there were probably forty houses/businessess, all run-down and shanty-like, floating on brown, murky, polluted water. it was in the middle of what looked like a bmx-bike course, all dirt hills. one of my rules of thumb on outreach is, if the locals are swimming, so can i. there was not a person to be found anywhere near that nasty-ness. the whole thing made you wonder what they did when they went to the bathroom...sick. we took one look at it, told our translator no way, and they took us back to the swimming pool. ahhhh, sweet, chlorinated water that kills anything on your skin, refreshing water of life!!
all in all though, things are going well here, seriously!
until next time...

uttar-a-whatta??

uttaradit. the middle of nowhere in the middle of thailand. the place im calling home for 12 days. its hard. really hard. we went to work, as in help with their construction project. we cant do a thing. they are doing cement work, and its pretty precise stuff, and as none of us are trained, we cant do anything. the first day, we tried, but they just undid everything we did and went over it. none of them speak english, and its been quite tough trying to communicate that we arent lazy, we want to work. they just arent giving us work to do. work that we can do. we sleep under mosquto nets, and last night we had an attack of termites.
did you know that termites fly?! well, for some part of their life cycle. they have wings (four of them!) and fly around at night, attracted to light. last night tiesha brittany and i were under our net talking, and a swarm came into our room (we do have windows, but the space above is totally open, the WOODen siding has rotted through, or maybe its just work of the termites, there are giant gaps in our wall) and proceded to crawl all over our net. it was absolutely disgusting. after a while we got a clue, and turned the light off. when we turned it back on, all of the critters had gone, but their wings were everywhere! apparently its part of the life cycle of a termite. they are born, they fly around in swarms, they lose their wongs, and crawl off to some wooden space to colonize. gross. the huge fan in our room (praise him!) kept the nastys stuck to the netting, and the wings were being pushed through onto our beds! sick. all night long i was sure they were crawling all over me (of course they werent). we did have a really good talk into the night though :).
all in all, we are doing quite well, i dont want to sound like im complaining, God has been teaching me so much about hoping in Him, and how to display grace to others, i never knew i had that much in me! my birthday is on the last day here, which isnt ideal, and when one of my teammates heard i was turning 23, he said, "what! i dint kow you were that old!" i quote. i have never felt old, until that moment. im excited though.
its funny, the ladies from the church prepare our meals, as well as the workers, and one thing ive found i can do is to sit with them, and help in whatever way they give me. usually i peel garlic and onions. they speak not a word of english, but we smile and talk to eachother anyway, its really quite hilarious. it reminds me of the ladies at my church, or any church, im sure, when the ladies all get together and prepare food for everyone, chit-chatting away and laughing. it makes me feel a little bit like im home.
ok i have to go now, everyones going to leave me!
i miss everyone and cant wait to get back home and see you!!