Sleepless In Vacaville

I'm tired. Exhausted might be closer to the truth, but I just can not manage to turn my brain off and calm my body down. I am wide awake. At 1 in the morning. I have to wake up soon. Dang.

I spent this last weekend in the Santa Cruz mountains, attending the Senior High Leadership Retreat at Mount Hermon. I attended once before, several years ago, and it was fun to go back and experience somewhat the same thing, just with new people...whom I love :)

It was fun being a leader, watching the students take on leadership responsibilities within the youth group. Watching them slowly starting to realize that we believe in them, and want to treat them as adults (when they act like it ;) was pretty awesome. It is interesting to me to see how down on themselves teenagers are, and I think a big part of it might be that parents, and really society, do not give them enough credit and the chance to take ownership over things. Granted, moody teenagers can only handle so much, but I think we forget that in this time when they are starting to truly develop themselves, actively ask themselves who they are, and struggle through the challenges that life throws at them that ultimately helps guide their character, for the most part, the more responsibility we give them, the more responsible they want to be.
Just a thought.

Today I spent a few lovely hours sitting in my favorite Starbucks, sipping my second favorite brew, talking with one of my favorite people. Courtney Ronald is pretty awesome.
We talked all over the place, but generally our words were centered around God, faith, and what our lives look like with Jesus at the center. I really can't imagine a better way to spend my time...well, that's a lie (I could be traveling to some exotic country sharing the love of Jesus after all), but it is most certainly one of my favorite ways!

We talked a lot about our weaknesses, and for the sake of vulnerability and transparency, two things I value, I will discuss them here. Though the list probably never ends, for any of us, I'm pretty sure I wont hit on everything...

One of my biggest downfalls is negativity. I am SUCH a positive person, I ALWAYS view EVERYTHING positively, and always focus on drawing out the good in everything and everyone. I think sometimes this is to a fault, and I do not always have the best grasp on reality because of it, but I just do NOT understand why people would choose to go through life so down and depressed when they don't have to. When talking with someone who tends to spin things negatively, my reaction in the past has been to walk away, and avoid them entirely. That is definitely NOT the way Jesus wants us to interact with one another, and I really want to work on that, but I am just not sure how, really. I think one thing may be to realize that there is something deeper going on than I know, and not to "judge a book by it's cover" and write someone off like I know everything that is going on. People are worth it, period.

I don't think this one falls so much under the category of weaknesses, but it's something I struggle with, and that counts. I struggle a LOT with trying to find the balance between living up to the truth I know, and not being some 'over-spiritual' know-it-all, horridly annoying Christian. There are certain foundations that I have built, certain truths I have walked through, and many faith issues that I know to be true, and I can't, and don't want, to deny or downplay that. Even more, though, I do NOT want to be that person who always makes people feel bad about themselves, and come across as if I'm judging people because they are doing wrong. Where is the balance between accountability and judgement?
Could it be love?
How do I accurately portray that?

I hope this doesn't read as some down on myself, needs encouragement blog, because it is not. Positivity is a good thing, because I know that I am a wonderful person, and I have SO much to add and offer to life, and it is all because of Jesus. What love to live in!

Well, my eyes are feeling twice as large as they are, hopefully the net few minutes will find me drifting blissfully off to the land of the unconscious...au revoire...