First John Four. Love.

Come close listen to the story
About a love more faithful than the morning
The Father gave his only son just to save us

The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the Father's broken heart
Tears were filling heaven's eyes
The day that true love died, the day that true love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died, the day that true love died

Search your heart, you know you can't deny it
Come on, lose your life just so you can find it
The Father gave his only son just to save us

The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the father's broken heart
Tears were filling heaven's eyes
The day that true love died, the day that true love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died, the day that true love died

Now Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
oh He is alive
He rose again

When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died, the day that true love died

Come close listen to the story
phil wickham




this is what i live for, this is what my life is all about. the very core of who i am, who we are, is this. everything i am, everything i do, everything i say, everything i think, i want to flow from this source. love. reality.
the only thing in life that makes complete sense.
what a privilege.
what a romance.
for us.

God Is Love
7-10My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn't know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can't know him if you don't love. This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they've done to our relationship with God.

11-12My dear, dear friends, if God loved us like this, we certainly ought to love each other. No one has seen God, ever. But if we love one another, God dwells deeply within us, and his love becomes complete in us—perfect love!

13-16This is how we know we're living steadily and deeply in him, and he in us: He's given us life from his life, from his very own Spirit. Also, we've seen for ourselves and continue to state openly that the Father sent his Son as Savior of the world. Everyone who confesses that Jesus is God's Son participates continuously in an intimate relationship with God. We know it so well, we've embraced it heart and soul, this love that comes from God.
To Love, to Be Loved
17-18God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ's. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love.

19We, though, are going to love—love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first.

20-21If anyone boasts, "I love God," and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won't love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can't see? The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You've got to love both.
The Message

transitioning and other things

my life is in a transition. in one week, i will pack up my life. in a week and a half, i will be driving home, back to vacaville, for good. well, for now. i feel like God is calling me home to finish school, and to take part in the ripple effect youth ministry at my church. right now, i am still at the ywam la base, finishing up my responsibilities and commitments here before heading home. for the last month, ive almost felt like ive been torn in two, with half of me at home, and half of me here. im just ready to be home and settled already! im ready for school, to get back in the swing of things, to dump loads of information into my brain too quickly, to take years to process through it all, and constantly be surprised by situations im in that utilize the information i thought i would never even remember. im ready to pour my heart into the students in the youth group, to pray for them and watch God answer those prayers, to get his heart for the ministry and come alongside Gods vision and do my part to champion Gods beautiful people further into their kingdom destinies.
i was introduces to this crazy video, and my life will never be the same, i hope you enjoy it too :)

transitioning

my life is in a transition. in one week, i will pack up my life. in a week and a half, i will be driving home, back to vacaville, for good. well, for now. i feel like God is calling me home to finish school, and to take part in the ripple effect youth ministry at my church. right now, i am still at the ywam la base, finishing up my responsibilities and commitments here before heading home. for the last month, ive almost felt like ive been torn in two, with half of me at home, and half of me here. im just ready to be home and settled already! im ready for school, to get back in the swing of things, to dump loads of information into my brain too quickly, to take years to process through it all, and constantly be surprised by situations im in that utilize the information i thought i would never even remember. im ready to pour my heart into the students in the youth group, to pray for them and watch God answer those prayers, to get his heart for the ministry and come alongside Gods vision and do my part to champion Gods beautiful people further into their kingdom destinies.
the thing i will miss the most about living here is the community i have with my roommates. most nights we sit in the living room on or lovely pillows we made watching so you think you can dance and working on our laptops. we cry and laugh together, hold each other accountable to the secret things, and yell at each other when we forgot it was our weekend to clean. i love them all, and will dearly miss each and every one!
here are a few photos i found in my computer of us...




roomies at a wedding!
karisse, me, amy, jodi.





amy and i after eating ring pops
at a bachelorette party!




melany and i cleaning our fridge!!

Vancouver or bust!!!

wow. so i got the opportunity to go on the mission trip to canada with my home church's youth group.
i just got home, and heres what happened:
oh, first, heres a list of everyone:
Leaders:
paul and mary kate
dan
amy
me
courtney
joe
emily
Students:
carey
stephanie
caitlyn
moe
brent
ryan
logan
matt
holly
i think thats everyone...so back to canada...

day 1 sunday- we meet at the church (i know about 15 percent of the people going, i left long enough ago that most people have already gone through and graduated, so i was a little nervous and a whole lot excited to get to know this new crew!) for a send-off breakfast before taking off in three rented mini-vans. paul, the leader, has put together a seating chart, to ensure that people are getting to know others, and groups aren't clicking where they shouldn't. we take off at 9 am. i cant really remember much else about this day, except that at our first stop at the stupid olive pit (sorry paul!) i left my wallet in the bathroom and didnt notice till 30 minutes later, so our van had to go back, and the other vans had a lovely time at wal-mart. i was so embarrassed that that was everyones first impression of me! and later people did say that i won the award for most distinct first impression. oops! around 7pm we roll into eugene, oregon, order pizza, and get room assignments at the econo-lodge! but it was actually really nice for what it was!

day 2 monday- more driving. lots of driving. nothing really exciting about that, but i loved driving through seattle!! im totally living there one day...we get to the ywam base, the ma program is actually being held in a church...huge church, around 4pm, i think. the border was fine, not very long of a wait, but amy was funny to watch, all tense and telling everyone to hush. so we get to the base after getting a little lost (it was the first time it happened! i guess it was coming), and et up with the staff and the other two teams with us that week, camp spalding from washington, and pilgrim church from new jersey. we are shown to our rooms, ours was a sunday school room for little kids themed with murals from noahs ark. we had foamies to sleep on, they were way small, but better than nothing! it was awesome meeting new ywam people, we got to share a little bit about our experiences, and it really made me feel at home with everyone! the first session was that night, mostly just intro stuff which was cool.

day 3 tuesday-urban plunge! the whole day was about experiencing vancouver, especially the downtown east side, which is where skid row is located. and everything associated with it. we broke up into teams, i was with emily, brent and logan. there were guidelines to follow, boundaries to stay within, and questions to find answers too. the day was about learning to love people, not saving them, and it was an amazing time! we shared our sack lunches with a man who brought some friends over, and after awhile he brought out his pipe and smoked...it wasn't tobacco, but nonetheless, they were really friendly, and we learned a lot about "first nations" people, who are the natives of the land. we were challenged to sit on the sidewalk for fifteen minutes on Robson Street, which is Vancouver's rodeo drive. this was by far the hardest past for me, i was sitting in front of some shops that i normally shop at. for a few minutes, a kept my bag open in front of me and wrote down some answers to previous questions for the day. i was totally hiding behind my huge sunglasses, and eventually i knew i had to put it all away, take my sunglasses off, and look up at people. i hated every second of it! it was so hard staring at people just like me, i wanted to scream out, "im just like you!!!!" and as soon as i thought that, God spoke to me and said, "thats what every homeless person is saying also." it was SUCH a humbling experience, and i am so glad i did it. there were many other things we did and experienced, but i cant remember at the moment, but let me tell you, Vancouver has a LOT to offer us! im so glad i got a chance to see it all! that night we had a session, our speaker this week was joseph "guiseppe" watson, and i love him! one thing that really stuck out to me that he said was that if he can get people to talk about their dreams, they will open up to us about anything.

day 4 wednesday-this day was full of lecture, breakfast prep, worship, intercession, and workshops. i loved the workshops! the first was about cultural sensitivity, and i did like what the speaker had to say, but my very favorite one was the discussion group about injustice. our group did such a good job here! we heard and learned all about what is going on in the world of injustice today, and the thoughts and opinions the students had to offer up were amazing! we all committed to doing one thing to help stop injustice, and will be holding each other accountable to this as we settle in at home. this night was -passion play night. i guess every base has their own take on what this night looks like. the vancouver staff is small, so instead of reenacting the time of Jesus' crucification, they put together a series of clips and songs from the Passion of the Christ, and had a timeline of pictures set up for everyone to walk around and meditate on. there was worship music playing, and everyone was invited to sit and really understand what is was that Jesus has done for us. earlier that day we had a leaders meeting, and we talked about how much fighting is going on within the group, and joe had the idea that the leaders should wash the students feet after the session. we got that set up and after the night was over we had the students come into the chapel, where we had set up two foot-washing stations, one for guys, one for girls. immediately this spirit inside everyone broke, and for the first time, every single person in our group fell on their faces before Jesus, bared their hearts, and shared the real them with everyone. im not saying all is well and perfect, there is still a lot that God is going to do in everyone, but for the first time we say glimpses of truth, and people who never prayed out loud before prayed for the first time. writing this is giving me chills all over again. the Spirit of God was so thick in that room, and that was something i desperately desired for the group, that we would grasp just how deep and wide His love for us is! it was an amazing night, and ever since then we experienced a shift in the group. it is something that we will have to continue to remember to live in once we've settled in at home. in the midst of all this, i forgot to mention our temple tour! we had the opportunity to visit a hindu and buddhist temple, and a muslim mosque. the hindu temple was my favorite, because it reminded me of nepal, and my love for that country and the people runs deep in my heart. the buddhist temple was pretty, but i just spent the last 7 weeks in a buddhist nation, so it was nothing new, but nice to experience it with people who have never encounteres buddhism. the mosque was a really cool experience, but the man was pretty one-sided in his views of many things, but that wasn't so upsetting in itself. it was a long and educated day, and i loved watching people learn and discover what much of the rest of the world believes in.

day 5 thursday- this day was full of servant evangelism. i think. the days are blending, but hopefully ive separated it well enough. this day was BY FAR my favorite day. again, we broke up into teams. i was with courtney, brent and holly. we went to the real ywam base and learned about how we could pray for them as they struggle through purchasing their property. basically, servant evangelism is the opportunity to serve Jesus ans his people, however that looks. we were in our teams, praying about what to do for the day. after hearing a few ideas, our team decided that we wanted to buy coffee and give it away, to homeless people and non-homeless people alike. we were just really into the idea of loving on people and meeting a need, no matter who they were, we just wanted to bless people. we each got coffee for ourselves (okay i have to describe my cup of joy! its called a Turks Stovetop, and its a long espresso with liquid gold and creama. liquid gold! its just brown sugar dissolved in honey, but MAN is that my new favorite drink! its not even sweet at all like it sounds, except for a touch at the bottom, its just dreamy!!) and a black coffee for another person. we stood outside and offered coffee to people. none of the 'regular' people went for it, though they were very friendly and liked the idea of what we were doing. we gave all our coffee to homeless people in the park, who so appreciated what we were doing. we saw a lady selling items, and we struck up a conversation with her. her name was tammy, and she was selling things to help support her daughter. we asked her if we could eat lunch with her, and ended up buying pizza for her. we had sack lunches, but were kind of tired of eating them over and over again, so we gave them away to a few stoned guys in a corner park, who very much appreciated our goodies! we bought pizza and along the way stopped at a recommended bakery and picked up a dozen cookies and day old treats to pass out and share with people later. we sat and ate lunch with tammy for a good 45 minutes, and learned about who she is and what her life is all about. it was a new experience, and we we really enjoyed just sitting with someone new and sharing life. we finally left, and walked up and down commercial drive, sharing cookies with anyone who would take one. we met a few interesting people along the way, but by far the biggest takeaway from that day is the fact that we KNOW we are doing to start a "give it all away" ministry, focusing specifically on buying coffee and giving it to people, and hopefully from there it will expand into many other aspects. at the end of the day we met up and everyone shared what their day looked like, everything from picking up trash to passing out sunflowers, making balloon animals in the park and cleaning up graffiti, our group served that city well! and everything we learned, we are taking back to Vacaville with us! that night was the commitment service, where we learned all about inukshuks, and making commitments to Jesus, and our group. it was a wonderful time of worship, and i really saw the students connecting with the heart of God through worship, which was awesome to experience. After all this, we rushed down to the waterfront to watch the world’s fireworks competition, which included the U.S., Canada and China this year. The show that night was for the U.S., and though the length was impressive, (30 minutes) the fireworks themselves were pretty bland, though I’d never seen the spiral fireworks before. It was fun to hang out with everyone and be silly for a few hours though!

day 6 saturday-okay so I realize that im probably very much mixing up the days, its all blending together, so im going to give you the breakdown for the rest of the trip as best I can, but im sure ive confused things….sorry!

so this day was the day of the salvation army. We went to the downtown east side to serve at the Salvation Army Harbour Light ministry. (Yes, it’s HarboUr, Canada is part of the commonwealth and there is a lot of English influence!) Our group split in two, half went down to the basement area to do lots of cleanup (I peeked in there, and I saw lots of mice and bad smells!) and the other half went to clean the kitchen. Moe and I were sent to the laundry room to clean two laundry machines, and Moe sure taught me a lesson in cleaning, shoot! After that we went up and joined the other team in cleaning the kitchen. We basically scrubbed the walls and tile surfaces, and tidied up anything we could. That particular base served hundreds of meals a day, and it was hard enough for the staff just to get everything done on time, so it blessed us to be able to help them out a little bit.

day 7 sunday- day off. I think this day was church day. As we were staying at a church, that was still functioning, we had to pack everything up, store it, basically make it look like we were never there. We also had to be gone the whole day because of church functions and other things. The church was protestant, and wouldn’t you know the preacher spoke about Pentecost and the “spizermarinctum”. I’m not even going to attempt to explain it…after church we headed to Jericho Beach for the day. A group of us went into town, and after finding every restaurant that was closed, we stumbled upon an open bistro, and had a delectable lunch! We shopped around a little, saw a bit more of the city, and headed back to the beach. Most of the day we just lounged around and played games and such. The staff made a wonderful dinner of hot dogs and Nanaimo Bars (yumm, check out this recipe!) and we had lovely worship on the dock. We finally headed back to the church and played around some more, then headed off to bed!

Day 8 Monday. So this day we went to the Union Gospel Mission bright and early to serve for the day. First thing we did was orientation with one of the head staff, and we left quite the impression! It took us about an hour to introduce ourselves, we laughed a LOT! After that we went up to the dining area to either sit and talk with the patrons, or clean up. I ended up sitting with a nice lady, Ella, for most of the day. She shared about her life, and it just doesn’t cease to amaze me just how much some people have gone through in such a short amount of time. We ate soup, and it was really good! We also had lunch a little later, and my friend had a friend come and so we parted ways. Once the crowds died down, we cleaned up from lunch, and headed out. The UGM let people stay at their facility and put their heads down on the tables to sleep a little, or come down from trips. We happened to be there on a really quiet day, luckily, but sometimes it gets pretty heated.

Day 9 Tuesday This was the day of the Chiliwagon! I know, doesn’t it just sound like so much fun! We went to a kitchen in the am to help prepare chili and banana bread for the Chiliwagon, which sets up camp in a park and serves, well, chili! Half of us made chili, half of us made banana bread. Can you guess which team I was on? The banana bread! Of course. We made a TON of banana bread, I think when all was sai and done we made around thirty loaves. I have no idea how much chili was prepared! Unfortunately we couldn’t stay to help serve it, we had showers to attend to at the local community center! Courtney and I decided to ditch the showers and headed back to the mostly empty church for a lovely hour of playing the piano and reading books. I love that girl! That night was the banquet, where the staff prepared a wonderful fancy meal and we all dressed up. Some of the boys took “dressing” up a little TOO literally, but we all looked pretty snazzy! During dinner we had time to talk about things that we learned and impacted us, and afterwards each team got the opportunity to share prayer requests and have everyone pray over them. Then it was time for cleanup! We all got assigned different tasks, they played hyper music and we all went crazy. I think we might have even cleaned a little!

Day 10 Wednesday time to part ways with Canada! After a fancy breakfast as a send-off, we all packed up and headed out. The border was a bit lengthy to cross, so a few of us decided to get out on no-mans-land and played on the lawn. The other two teams also happened to be there, and they got out too! We all had a mini-reunion and played around for a few minutes before crossing. Once we got through that, it was all downhill from there. The weight of everything we did started to hit us, and we all mellowed right down and thought about the last 10 days. After a LONG day of driving, we get to Eugene and our good ol’ Econo-Lodge with the same fabulous roommates.

Day 11 Thursday saw our very last day together as a team. The day was realllly long, and the drive realllly boring, minus a few moments where we decided to hang out the windows dancing to electronic, and film ourselves making up conversation for the van behind us. We finally roll in to the Sacramento car rental place, and part ways.

Whew! There is sooooo much more that happened, and I know my writing got kind of lame towards the end, but this, in a nutshell, is what happened when a crazy group decided to head north and love Jesus.

Click here to look at pictures from the trip!