The...Bible?

I found this article expounding on some fresh, post-modern, 'relevant' new editions of the Bible.
What is your opinion of this?

I was going to copy and paste the article, but then I thought about plagiarism and thought better not to chance it...Hopefully you follow this link and comment me your thoughts!


http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=97537385

Life.

When I first moved home, I thought that I would have a really hard time adjusting, and have to fight for a lot of stuff. But I had a really grace-full transition, I was welcomed with open arms by so many groups of people, and given homes in more than just my own, if that makes sense. I started working with the youth at church right away, so I had (have) an avenue to pour into people everything inside of me.

I have been home just over three months now, and this last week I have found myself struggling, really struggling. It seems that my fight is beginning now. I realized that my relationship with God has been severely lacking, apparently I thought I could live my life without Him, for a good part. Have I not learned better?

Everything seems to be finally hitting me, and it has not been easy. I have to initiate my relationship with God, I have to be the one to seek after him, to seek His presence daily. No one will do that for me, no one will hand that to me. The hardest part for me is no longer living in a community where we are all walking the same road, all understand each other so clearly. There was always someone to ask me how my relationship with God is going, always someone to offer to pray for me, always someone to encourage me, to challenge me. It was a two-way street, and this is the group of people I worked, lived, and played with.
I love the community I am in now, and am so grateful to everyone who has loved me, and who has become an intricate part of my heart, so please hear only what I am saying.
I just miss being around people who deeply understand me.

I know specifically that the Lord has me here, now, and I don't want to miss a minute of it, but how often am I worshiping the Lord in His splendor? I can do that anywhere, yet it lacks in my life lately.
There is a purpose for me being here, now, and I don't want to miss out, on any of that.

If you are reading this, I would love your prayers that I would have the discipline to stand firm in the love and all lessons I have learned in my time away and abroad.

Ponderings...

A few thoughts; not my own, exactly, but my heart is aligned...

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning


Commentary.

My confession:

I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees.. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu . If people want a crche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'

In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.' ...

Working Woman

What does 8.23 am on a Tuesday morning find me doing? Getting ready for work of course. Ive been working at the Town Square Library for almost a month now! The really funny thing is...I made more money as a missionary than I do as a 'legitimately' working woman. Go figure!
I just thought that was endlessly funny.
I enjoy working there, though I would really like to work the Information Desk, help people find what they need, what they don't know they are looking for, just pointing them in the right direction. That sounds immensely satisfying to me. Instead, the other DA's (Departmental Aide) and I race around to see who can shelve a cart of books the quickest. Good times...?...
By the end of next week I will know whether or not I will be interviewing for the PD job, and I am hoping against hope that this will work out...I think. When I got to the test, (with the other 200 people!) they mentioned that the job is worked in shifts, and holidays and weekends. I don't know if that meant it was a "this will be your life", or "this may have to happen from time to time." I just want a 9-5 job please! No weekends, no holidays. Goodness.
Truly though, I only want this job if it is pleasing to the Lord, and is where He is guiding me, so I leave it in His hands.
Alas, the books are calling me, and I can stave off jumping in my cold car no longer.
Au Revoire! (I don't even know if that is spelled right...spell check didn't recognize it at all!)

All Things Youth

I noticed that I have been talking a bit about the youth ministry, how about some visual aids to go along that theme? I'm pretty sure I will be blogging a lot more about the ministry, and/or the students, and what God is doing, so I hope you enjoy...




Youth Group...we had to play an intense memory game...our team won!



Balloon-blowing...NOT my favorite...but still fun! We won that one too!


Paul speaking during Sunday night Youth Group, getting ready for worship.



The High School Leadership Retreat at Mount Hermon, wahoo!



The High School Mission Trip to Vancouver, Canada.By far our favorite past-time!



Courtney (also a leader), Holly, Me, and Brent during our servant Evangelism day. There is an older blog about teh trip that goes into detail about this day.




Our small group! Very small, hehe...

A Giver of Good Gifts

This weekend I stumbled upon a favorite passage of scripture:

Luke 11: 11-12
11"Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? 12 Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13 If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"

It's been in the back of my head for the last few days, and I even re-read it this morning.
It turns out it was a pretty good day for this verse!
A few days ago my parents said that they were going to hook the cable/dvr up in my room. In all honesty, I think they are doing it for themselves more than me (and it costs them nothing extra, just the installation fee), so we don't have to fight over the tv all the time. In my room I have a teeny tiny 13 inch box tv that is positively ancient, and I only ever use it if I can't sleep at night and want to watch a movie, it gets no channels at all.

Anyway, tonight me and dad were on our own for dinner, and we weren't really hungry at the time we left, so dad said we should go check out TV's. So we did.
My father, who is a giver of good gifts, suddenly buys me a 26 inch, flat-screen LCD HDTV.

I have done nothing to deserve this! I am not worthy, I am not in any way deserving of something so grand. And yet my daddy, who loves me more than anything else in this world, does this great thing for me, simply becuase he loves me.

Thinking about this, how much GREATER are the gifts that the Lord gives us?! And notice He doesn't say 'gifts', He says the Holy Spirit, which apparently is the GREATEST gift of all. Receiving the Holy Spirit = Greatest Gift. Hmmm.
What does that look like, receiving the Holy Spirit? Well, I can only speak for myself, and at this point, I won't, so if you are reading this you can ask God for yourself. :)

My dad is the world's greatest. He has sacrificed so much in his life so that I won't have to. He has bested all the odds stacked against him to succeed greatly in his life. He provides everything I need, and most everything I want (I'm his baby girl, he's still wrapped around my finger! Though I promise I did absolutely nothing to provoke this wonderful event!).
My daddy is a giver of good gifts.
So is my Jesus.
I love my daddy...
simply because he loves me first.

Sleepless In Vacaville

I'm tired. Exhausted might be closer to the truth, but I just can not manage to turn my brain off and calm my body down. I am wide awake. At 1 in the morning. I have to wake up soon. Dang.

I spent this last weekend in the Santa Cruz mountains, attending the Senior High Leadership Retreat at Mount Hermon. I attended once before, several years ago, and it was fun to go back and experience somewhat the same thing, just with new people...whom I love :)

It was fun being a leader, watching the students take on leadership responsibilities within the youth group. Watching them slowly starting to realize that we believe in them, and want to treat them as adults (when they act like it ;) was pretty awesome. It is interesting to me to see how down on themselves teenagers are, and I think a big part of it might be that parents, and really society, do not give them enough credit and the chance to take ownership over things. Granted, moody teenagers can only handle so much, but I think we forget that in this time when they are starting to truly develop themselves, actively ask themselves who they are, and struggle through the challenges that life throws at them that ultimately helps guide their character, for the most part, the more responsibility we give them, the more responsible they want to be.
Just a thought.

Today I spent a few lovely hours sitting in my favorite Starbucks, sipping my second favorite brew, talking with one of my favorite people. Courtney Ronald is pretty awesome.
We talked all over the place, but generally our words were centered around God, faith, and what our lives look like with Jesus at the center. I really can't imagine a better way to spend my time...well, that's a lie (I could be traveling to some exotic country sharing the love of Jesus after all), but it is most certainly one of my favorite ways!

We talked a lot about our weaknesses, and for the sake of vulnerability and transparency, two things I value, I will discuss them here. Though the list probably never ends, for any of us, I'm pretty sure I wont hit on everything...

One of my biggest downfalls is negativity. I am SUCH a positive person, I ALWAYS view EVERYTHING positively, and always focus on drawing out the good in everything and everyone. I think sometimes this is to a fault, and I do not always have the best grasp on reality because of it, but I just do NOT understand why people would choose to go through life so down and depressed when they don't have to. When talking with someone who tends to spin things negatively, my reaction in the past has been to walk away, and avoid them entirely. That is definitely NOT the way Jesus wants us to interact with one another, and I really want to work on that, but I am just not sure how, really. I think one thing may be to realize that there is something deeper going on than I know, and not to "judge a book by it's cover" and write someone off like I know everything that is going on. People are worth it, period.

I don't think this one falls so much under the category of weaknesses, but it's something I struggle with, and that counts. I struggle a LOT with trying to find the balance between living up to the truth I know, and not being some 'over-spiritual' know-it-all, horridly annoying Christian. There are certain foundations that I have built, certain truths I have walked through, and many faith issues that I know to be true, and I can't, and don't want, to deny or downplay that. Even more, though, I do NOT want to be that person who always makes people feel bad about themselves, and come across as if I'm judging people because they are doing wrong. Where is the balance between accountability and judgement?
Could it be love?
How do I accurately portray that?

I hope this doesn't read as some down on myself, needs encouragement blog, because it is not. Positivity is a good thing, because I know that I am a wonderful person, and I have SO much to add and offer to life, and it is all because of Jesus. What love to live in!

Well, my eyes are feeling twice as large as they are, hopefully the net few minutes will find me drifting blissfully off to the land of the unconscious...au revoire...

Thoughts, I guess.

So tonight was the first night of small groups. I'm co-leading (apparently I have an apprentice!) a group for senior high girls, 11-12 grade. It was a casual night, everyone hanging out and getting to know each other mostly. There are three groups, 9-10 grade girls, 11-12 grade girls, and one big guys group. We all meet at one of the students homes, and split up from there. We only had one girl in our group, so it was fun just being together and getting to know each other a bit better.

One thing I have been thinking about lately are the qualities of a leader. What does the world say a leader should be? What does Jesus say a leader should be? Looking at it, sometimes they coincide, other times they are the opposite spectrum.
I could go on and on, comparing and contrasting ideas from the two, going in depth with explanations and definitions, but mostly, it's too late and I'm too tired.

Praying about it, the only thing I can do is hold myself accountable to what Jesus is asking of me. And what He is asking of me looks different than what He is asking of my leader, my friend, my parents, you. I have to constantly be submitting my entire self to Him, seeking Him over me, in every way. And truly, that is the only content place to be. It's not always comfortable, most often times it is not, but I just can not get away from it, being in the center of God's will is the only place I want to rest.

What would it look like if we all sought after that with all our hearts, and didn't stop until we achieved it? What would it look like if we truly understood what the love of God means, what it looks like? How much MORE we would truly love our neighbor, and ourselves.
I want to be a person of love. I want to love truly, and with abandon.

yikes...its been awhile!

Wow, i didn't realize how much time has passed since my last entry, I apologize! I guess this might be a bit random...

What are these days finding me doing?

- Watching all four seasons of lost ( I finally caught up today)
- Looking for a job (I interviewed at the library today!)
- Cooking dinner for the family...tonight we had Curried Chicken With Cashews and farre.
- Scrapbooking my many adventures abroad...I just finished this last trip to Thailand and the Philippines.
- Getting myself dug deep with the Youth Ministry at church. This year I will be leading a small group of 11-12 grade high school girls. I am also on the Missions Committee, and my personal agenda on there, among others, is to see our church going international with adult short-term mission trips. Get the Word out.
- trying to keep myself busy, my basic only schedule right now involves people only. It's not bad, but I'm ready for a bit of work and education in there as well.

What is going through my head right now?

I am pondering the love of God. It is a pretty endless conversation to be having, I suppose. The discovery and journey of love is endless, and will always trump over everything else that tries to stand in it's way...I think I am thinking that because I can hear my dad watching the original Star Wars on T.V., and isn't Star Wars all about good versus evil? It just seems to me so blatantly obvious that that fundamental war is biblically based, and so many metaphors are thrown at you throughout that saga.
...tangent (on Star Wars?)...sorry.

I have been thinking lately. I have been thinking about leadership. About being a leader. Being a leader is a big deal, a very big deal. I think too often it is not taken seriously enough, and failure ensues. You are responsible over every aspect of a person, and it is your duty to protect them, to see them grow. I think it doesn't matter if it is "spiritual" or not.

I'm sorry this isn't more cogent, I think I have been in a place lately of discovery, of figuring out my life now that I am here at home, and while it has been a fairly un-eventful transition, (thank you Lord!), there is so much I am trying to establish a foundation on here at home.
I think the big thing is the balance between living up to the truth, Word, and knowledge I know and have learned, and not being so over-bearing that I turn others away. After all , I want my life to be about living in the love of Jesus, and pointing others in that direction by the way I choose to live, I don't want to be labeled some 'over-spiritual christian', that really turns me off. It isn't about religion, it's about relationship...

First John Four. Love.

Come close listen to the story
About a love more faithful than the morning
The Father gave his only son just to save us

The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the Father's broken heart
Tears were filling heaven's eyes
The day that true love died, the day that true love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died, the day that true love died

Search your heart, you know you can't deny it
Come on, lose your life just so you can find it
The Father gave his only son just to save us

The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the father's broken heart
Tears were filling heaven's eyes
The day that true love died, the day that true love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died, the day that true love died

Now Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
oh He is alive
He rose again

When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died, the day that true love died

Come close listen to the story
phil wickham




this is what i live for, this is what my life is all about. the very core of who i am, who we are, is this. everything i am, everything i do, everything i say, everything i think, i want to flow from this source. love. reality.
the only thing in life that makes complete sense.
what a privilege.
what a romance.
for us.

God Is Love
7-10My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn't know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can't know him if you don't love. This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they've done to our relationship with God.

11-12My dear, dear friends, if God loved us like this, we certainly ought to love each other. No one has seen God, ever. But if we love one another, God dwells deeply within us, and his love becomes complete in us—perfect love!

13-16This is how we know we're living steadily and deeply in him, and he in us: He's given us life from his life, from his very own Spirit. Also, we've seen for ourselves and continue to state openly that the Father sent his Son as Savior of the world. Everyone who confesses that Jesus is God's Son participates continuously in an intimate relationship with God. We know it so well, we've embraced it heart and soul, this love that comes from God.
To Love, to Be Loved
17-18God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ's. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love.

19We, though, are going to love—love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first.

20-21If anyone boasts, "I love God," and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won't love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can't see? The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You've got to love both.
The Message

transitioning and other things

my life is in a transition. in one week, i will pack up my life. in a week and a half, i will be driving home, back to vacaville, for good. well, for now. i feel like God is calling me home to finish school, and to take part in the ripple effect youth ministry at my church. right now, i am still at the ywam la base, finishing up my responsibilities and commitments here before heading home. for the last month, ive almost felt like ive been torn in two, with half of me at home, and half of me here. im just ready to be home and settled already! im ready for school, to get back in the swing of things, to dump loads of information into my brain too quickly, to take years to process through it all, and constantly be surprised by situations im in that utilize the information i thought i would never even remember. im ready to pour my heart into the students in the youth group, to pray for them and watch God answer those prayers, to get his heart for the ministry and come alongside Gods vision and do my part to champion Gods beautiful people further into their kingdom destinies.
i was introduces to this crazy video, and my life will never be the same, i hope you enjoy it too :)

transitioning

my life is in a transition. in one week, i will pack up my life. in a week and a half, i will be driving home, back to vacaville, for good. well, for now. i feel like God is calling me home to finish school, and to take part in the ripple effect youth ministry at my church. right now, i am still at the ywam la base, finishing up my responsibilities and commitments here before heading home. for the last month, ive almost felt like ive been torn in two, with half of me at home, and half of me here. im just ready to be home and settled already! im ready for school, to get back in the swing of things, to dump loads of information into my brain too quickly, to take years to process through it all, and constantly be surprised by situations im in that utilize the information i thought i would never even remember. im ready to pour my heart into the students in the youth group, to pray for them and watch God answer those prayers, to get his heart for the ministry and come alongside Gods vision and do my part to champion Gods beautiful people further into their kingdom destinies.
the thing i will miss the most about living here is the community i have with my roommates. most nights we sit in the living room on or lovely pillows we made watching so you think you can dance and working on our laptops. we cry and laugh together, hold each other accountable to the secret things, and yell at each other when we forgot it was our weekend to clean. i love them all, and will dearly miss each and every one!
here are a few photos i found in my computer of us...




roomies at a wedding!
karisse, me, amy, jodi.





amy and i after eating ring pops
at a bachelorette party!




melany and i cleaning our fridge!!

Vancouver or bust!!!

wow. so i got the opportunity to go on the mission trip to canada with my home church's youth group.
i just got home, and heres what happened:
oh, first, heres a list of everyone:
Leaders:
paul and mary kate
dan
amy
me
courtney
joe
emily
Students:
carey
stephanie
caitlyn
moe
brent
ryan
logan
matt
holly
i think thats everyone...so back to canada...

day 1 sunday- we meet at the church (i know about 15 percent of the people going, i left long enough ago that most people have already gone through and graduated, so i was a little nervous and a whole lot excited to get to know this new crew!) for a send-off breakfast before taking off in three rented mini-vans. paul, the leader, has put together a seating chart, to ensure that people are getting to know others, and groups aren't clicking where they shouldn't. we take off at 9 am. i cant really remember much else about this day, except that at our first stop at the stupid olive pit (sorry paul!) i left my wallet in the bathroom and didnt notice till 30 minutes later, so our van had to go back, and the other vans had a lovely time at wal-mart. i was so embarrassed that that was everyones first impression of me! and later people did say that i won the award for most distinct first impression. oops! around 7pm we roll into eugene, oregon, order pizza, and get room assignments at the econo-lodge! but it was actually really nice for what it was!

day 2 monday- more driving. lots of driving. nothing really exciting about that, but i loved driving through seattle!! im totally living there one day...we get to the ywam base, the ma program is actually being held in a church...huge church, around 4pm, i think. the border was fine, not very long of a wait, but amy was funny to watch, all tense and telling everyone to hush. so we get to the base after getting a little lost (it was the first time it happened! i guess it was coming), and et up with the staff and the other two teams with us that week, camp spalding from washington, and pilgrim church from new jersey. we are shown to our rooms, ours was a sunday school room for little kids themed with murals from noahs ark. we had foamies to sleep on, they were way small, but better than nothing! it was awesome meeting new ywam people, we got to share a little bit about our experiences, and it really made me feel at home with everyone! the first session was that night, mostly just intro stuff which was cool.

day 3 tuesday-urban plunge! the whole day was about experiencing vancouver, especially the downtown east side, which is where skid row is located. and everything associated with it. we broke up into teams, i was with emily, brent and logan. there were guidelines to follow, boundaries to stay within, and questions to find answers too. the day was about learning to love people, not saving them, and it was an amazing time! we shared our sack lunches with a man who brought some friends over, and after awhile he brought out his pipe and smoked...it wasn't tobacco, but nonetheless, they were really friendly, and we learned a lot about "first nations" people, who are the natives of the land. we were challenged to sit on the sidewalk for fifteen minutes on Robson Street, which is Vancouver's rodeo drive. this was by far the hardest past for me, i was sitting in front of some shops that i normally shop at. for a few minutes, a kept my bag open in front of me and wrote down some answers to previous questions for the day. i was totally hiding behind my huge sunglasses, and eventually i knew i had to put it all away, take my sunglasses off, and look up at people. i hated every second of it! it was so hard staring at people just like me, i wanted to scream out, "im just like you!!!!" and as soon as i thought that, God spoke to me and said, "thats what every homeless person is saying also." it was SUCH a humbling experience, and i am so glad i did it. there were many other things we did and experienced, but i cant remember at the moment, but let me tell you, Vancouver has a LOT to offer us! im so glad i got a chance to see it all! that night we had a session, our speaker this week was joseph "guiseppe" watson, and i love him! one thing that really stuck out to me that he said was that if he can get people to talk about their dreams, they will open up to us about anything.

day 4 wednesday-this day was full of lecture, breakfast prep, worship, intercession, and workshops. i loved the workshops! the first was about cultural sensitivity, and i did like what the speaker had to say, but my very favorite one was the discussion group about injustice. our group did such a good job here! we heard and learned all about what is going on in the world of injustice today, and the thoughts and opinions the students had to offer up were amazing! we all committed to doing one thing to help stop injustice, and will be holding each other accountable to this as we settle in at home. this night was -passion play night. i guess every base has their own take on what this night looks like. the vancouver staff is small, so instead of reenacting the time of Jesus' crucification, they put together a series of clips and songs from the Passion of the Christ, and had a timeline of pictures set up for everyone to walk around and meditate on. there was worship music playing, and everyone was invited to sit and really understand what is was that Jesus has done for us. earlier that day we had a leaders meeting, and we talked about how much fighting is going on within the group, and joe had the idea that the leaders should wash the students feet after the session. we got that set up and after the night was over we had the students come into the chapel, where we had set up two foot-washing stations, one for guys, one for girls. immediately this spirit inside everyone broke, and for the first time, every single person in our group fell on their faces before Jesus, bared their hearts, and shared the real them with everyone. im not saying all is well and perfect, there is still a lot that God is going to do in everyone, but for the first time we say glimpses of truth, and people who never prayed out loud before prayed for the first time. writing this is giving me chills all over again. the Spirit of God was so thick in that room, and that was something i desperately desired for the group, that we would grasp just how deep and wide His love for us is! it was an amazing night, and ever since then we experienced a shift in the group. it is something that we will have to continue to remember to live in once we've settled in at home. in the midst of all this, i forgot to mention our temple tour! we had the opportunity to visit a hindu and buddhist temple, and a muslim mosque. the hindu temple was my favorite, because it reminded me of nepal, and my love for that country and the people runs deep in my heart. the buddhist temple was pretty, but i just spent the last 7 weeks in a buddhist nation, so it was nothing new, but nice to experience it with people who have never encounteres buddhism. the mosque was a really cool experience, but the man was pretty one-sided in his views of many things, but that wasn't so upsetting in itself. it was a long and educated day, and i loved watching people learn and discover what much of the rest of the world believes in.

day 5 thursday- this day was full of servant evangelism. i think. the days are blending, but hopefully ive separated it well enough. this day was BY FAR my favorite day. again, we broke up into teams. i was with courtney, brent and holly. we went to the real ywam base and learned about how we could pray for them as they struggle through purchasing their property. basically, servant evangelism is the opportunity to serve Jesus ans his people, however that looks. we were in our teams, praying about what to do for the day. after hearing a few ideas, our team decided that we wanted to buy coffee and give it away, to homeless people and non-homeless people alike. we were just really into the idea of loving on people and meeting a need, no matter who they were, we just wanted to bless people. we each got coffee for ourselves (okay i have to describe my cup of joy! its called a Turks Stovetop, and its a long espresso with liquid gold and creama. liquid gold! its just brown sugar dissolved in honey, but MAN is that my new favorite drink! its not even sweet at all like it sounds, except for a touch at the bottom, its just dreamy!!) and a black coffee for another person. we stood outside and offered coffee to people. none of the 'regular' people went for it, though they were very friendly and liked the idea of what we were doing. we gave all our coffee to homeless people in the park, who so appreciated what we were doing. we saw a lady selling items, and we struck up a conversation with her. her name was tammy, and she was selling things to help support her daughter. we asked her if we could eat lunch with her, and ended up buying pizza for her. we had sack lunches, but were kind of tired of eating them over and over again, so we gave them away to a few stoned guys in a corner park, who very much appreciated our goodies! we bought pizza and along the way stopped at a recommended bakery and picked up a dozen cookies and day old treats to pass out and share with people later. we sat and ate lunch with tammy for a good 45 minutes, and learned about who she is and what her life is all about. it was a new experience, and we we really enjoyed just sitting with someone new and sharing life. we finally left, and walked up and down commercial drive, sharing cookies with anyone who would take one. we met a few interesting people along the way, but by far the biggest takeaway from that day is the fact that we KNOW we are doing to start a "give it all away" ministry, focusing specifically on buying coffee and giving it to people, and hopefully from there it will expand into many other aspects. at the end of the day we met up and everyone shared what their day looked like, everything from picking up trash to passing out sunflowers, making balloon animals in the park and cleaning up graffiti, our group served that city well! and everything we learned, we are taking back to Vacaville with us! that night was the commitment service, where we learned all about inukshuks, and making commitments to Jesus, and our group. it was a wonderful time of worship, and i really saw the students connecting with the heart of God through worship, which was awesome to experience. After all this, we rushed down to the waterfront to watch the world’s fireworks competition, which included the U.S., Canada and China this year. The show that night was for the U.S., and though the length was impressive, (30 minutes) the fireworks themselves were pretty bland, though I’d never seen the spiral fireworks before. It was fun to hang out with everyone and be silly for a few hours though!

day 6 saturday-okay so I realize that im probably very much mixing up the days, its all blending together, so im going to give you the breakdown for the rest of the trip as best I can, but im sure ive confused things….sorry!

so this day was the day of the salvation army. We went to the downtown east side to serve at the Salvation Army Harbour Light ministry. (Yes, it’s HarboUr, Canada is part of the commonwealth and there is a lot of English influence!) Our group split in two, half went down to the basement area to do lots of cleanup (I peeked in there, and I saw lots of mice and bad smells!) and the other half went to clean the kitchen. Moe and I were sent to the laundry room to clean two laundry machines, and Moe sure taught me a lesson in cleaning, shoot! After that we went up and joined the other team in cleaning the kitchen. We basically scrubbed the walls and tile surfaces, and tidied up anything we could. That particular base served hundreds of meals a day, and it was hard enough for the staff just to get everything done on time, so it blessed us to be able to help them out a little bit.

day 7 sunday- day off. I think this day was church day. As we were staying at a church, that was still functioning, we had to pack everything up, store it, basically make it look like we were never there. We also had to be gone the whole day because of church functions and other things. The church was protestant, and wouldn’t you know the preacher spoke about Pentecost and the “spizermarinctum”. I’m not even going to attempt to explain it…after church we headed to Jericho Beach for the day. A group of us went into town, and after finding every restaurant that was closed, we stumbled upon an open bistro, and had a delectable lunch! We shopped around a little, saw a bit more of the city, and headed back to the beach. Most of the day we just lounged around and played games and such. The staff made a wonderful dinner of hot dogs and Nanaimo Bars (yumm, check out this recipe!) and we had lovely worship on the dock. We finally headed back to the church and played around some more, then headed off to bed!

Day 8 Monday. So this day we went to the Union Gospel Mission bright and early to serve for the day. First thing we did was orientation with one of the head staff, and we left quite the impression! It took us about an hour to introduce ourselves, we laughed a LOT! After that we went up to the dining area to either sit and talk with the patrons, or clean up. I ended up sitting with a nice lady, Ella, for most of the day. She shared about her life, and it just doesn’t cease to amaze me just how much some people have gone through in such a short amount of time. We ate soup, and it was really good! We also had lunch a little later, and my friend had a friend come and so we parted ways. Once the crowds died down, we cleaned up from lunch, and headed out. The UGM let people stay at their facility and put their heads down on the tables to sleep a little, or come down from trips. We happened to be there on a really quiet day, luckily, but sometimes it gets pretty heated.

Day 9 Tuesday This was the day of the Chiliwagon! I know, doesn’t it just sound like so much fun! We went to a kitchen in the am to help prepare chili and banana bread for the Chiliwagon, which sets up camp in a park and serves, well, chili! Half of us made chili, half of us made banana bread. Can you guess which team I was on? The banana bread! Of course. We made a TON of banana bread, I think when all was sai and done we made around thirty loaves. I have no idea how much chili was prepared! Unfortunately we couldn’t stay to help serve it, we had showers to attend to at the local community center! Courtney and I decided to ditch the showers and headed back to the mostly empty church for a lovely hour of playing the piano and reading books. I love that girl! That night was the banquet, where the staff prepared a wonderful fancy meal and we all dressed up. Some of the boys took “dressing” up a little TOO literally, but we all looked pretty snazzy! During dinner we had time to talk about things that we learned and impacted us, and afterwards each team got the opportunity to share prayer requests and have everyone pray over them. Then it was time for cleanup! We all got assigned different tasks, they played hyper music and we all went crazy. I think we might have even cleaned a little!

Day 10 Wednesday time to part ways with Canada! After a fancy breakfast as a send-off, we all packed up and headed out. The border was a bit lengthy to cross, so a few of us decided to get out on no-mans-land and played on the lawn. The other two teams also happened to be there, and they got out too! We all had a mini-reunion and played around for a few minutes before crossing. Once we got through that, it was all downhill from there. The weight of everything we did started to hit us, and we all mellowed right down and thought about the last 10 days. After a LONG day of driving, we get to Eugene and our good ol’ Econo-Lodge with the same fabulous roommates.

Day 11 Thursday saw our very last day together as a team. The day was realllly long, and the drive realllly boring, minus a few moments where we decided to hang out the windows dancing to electronic, and film ourselves making up conversation for the van behind us. We finally roll in to the Sacramento car rental place, and part ways.

Whew! There is sooooo much more that happened, and I know my writing got kind of lame towards the end, but this, in a nutshell, is what happened when a crazy group decided to head north and love Jesus.

Click here to look at pictures from the trip!

KIVA

so my brilliant friend Karisse (there's a link to her blog Musings on the right) has introduced me to Kiva.
Kiva's mission is to connect people through lending for the sake of alleviating poverty. it is an organization that allows people with opportunity to lend to those seeking it in other nations. You can pick any person or group of people, and choose how much you want to lend to them. by lending to them, you help them start a business that they otherwise would not be able to do. they set up a re-payment system, whether in one lump some or monthly installments, and when you are fully paid back, you have the option to use that money to help another budding business. most of the businesses come from countries where the economy and government make it difficult for entrepreneurs to make a living.

I feel like this is one way I can help by sharing with others the insurmountable blessings and opportunities i have been given. I factored what it costs me to buy one coffee a day (the coffee room here is just too irresistible), plus happy hour at claim jumpers (a few of us have a standing date on wednesday nights), and matched that to help someone.

theres a cool story with how i chose my person. i was browsing the website, seeing what exactly it involved, and decided i wanted to help, but had to leave it for later as there was work to be done. i was at a thai restaurant getting dinner with my friend melany, and i asked God who i should pick. i felt like he told me patience, and i was like, "okay God, ill wait." when i got home, i started looking at all the different entrepreneurs in africa, since i knew that i wanted to help someone from there. (i love africa, my soul just agrees with the spirit of the people there!) a few people in, i saw my person. her name was patience! Patience Emmanual to be exact. (and i love the emmanual part, since that means 'God with us.") heres the information on patience:








" Patience Emmanuel lives in the town of Igbelerin, in Lagos State, Nigeria. She sells hair products and hair pieces for a living, and also does manicures and pedicures. She spent two years studying this trade before going into business on her own in 2006. Patience is 30 years old, married and has five children. She needs a loan of $1,200 to buy products and hairpieces to sell to her customers, and wishes to extend her thanks to Kiva and to her lenders. "


so thats my girl. this is just one way that we can end human trafficking, because most people that are trafficked live at or below the poverty level. by helping people rise above that, we are helping them have a chance at a better life. this is just one small way that proves that one person really DOES make a difference.

my hope is that after every time my loan is repaid i can double it to help others. my other hope is that this might inspire you to go take a look at the website :)

order in the court

so the summer program (mission adventures) has this thing every thursday called a panel. they ask base staff to come and answer, or attempt to answer, or shed light on, or share life experience with, questions that the students write down and ask on monday night, the day they arrive here. its girls with girls and guys with guys, and ive been participating in this thing, and i would like to share some thoughts ive been thinking and journaling about in my quiet time, that applied to the panel today.
its about judgment. or more specifically, judging.
we all judge others. whether we are fully aware of it or not, we do. "first impressions" is a fancy way of saying first judgment. when someone says or does something we don't or aren't, regardless of how aware of it we are, we judge them. little judgments. big judgments.
anyway, i asked God how He felt about it, and this is what i feel he said:

-when you judge someone, you strip them of the value i have placed on them, you render them valueless.
-when you judge someone, you are the opposite of me, you place yourself high above them...and thats breaking a commandment, because you are making a god out of yourself.
-never assume you know the full story, even if they don't, i do.
all i need from you is to love them, allow the spirit inside of you be love and truth, don't be anything else, i will take care of it. when it comes to people, your job is to love, let me guide the rest.

needless to say, there was some repenting going on. this is serious stuff. of course judging is bad, but i never knew how personal it was, and how far it keeps us from God when we do it. it is the opposite of his character.
making a god out of myself? its true. when i judge someone, im really promoting myself, saying that im better, im right, they are wrong, im placing more value on me then on them.
it never ceases to amaze me what is really going on with people, and if i would take just a moment and listen to them, to spend time getting to really know them, how much you learn and feel stupid about, because you assumed certain things that were of course untrue.

i hope that this isn't making anyone feel guilty, because thats not the point. im just into sharing my life and what it looks like everyday, and i hope you want to share your life with me, because sharing our lives is what its all about...after our king, of course.

monday bloody monday

mondays.
sheesh.
now i get why the working world dreads them. its not so much that the weekend is over and its back to work, its that there are simply not enough hours in the day to get everything done!ss
this past year i have been doing different things each season, and every time, every monday, there are just not enough hours in which to start and/or finish everything in. sometimes you just have to let it go. but thats just so hard!
this summer things are especially hectic. but i guess it is all worth it in the end...because friday's are half days!
sheesh.
mondays.

so the end of this summer marks a new beginning season in my life. a big one.
im going back to school...school!
for the last six months i have felt like God has been speaking to me about going back to school, about finishing what ive started, and honoring my parents, for them my getting a college education is a really big deal, and i really want to fulfill their desires.
everything is lining up, and august 16th i am moving home to start school again. going through the process of signing up for classes and talking with a counselor has been interesting, and though i do feel a little bit old to be going through this again, im so glad the time has come to go back to school.
when i first started, i didn't take it seriously, messed around and didn't know what i wanted to do. now that im several years older, im ready to take this seriously, and i am really looking forward to opening my brain and dumping in a ton of information.
there is no one thing that i want to do for the rest of my life, there is just so much out there that i want to experience! i don't think that we were created to do just one thing for our entire lives. there is just so much out there in the world that is ours to take and experience!
all that to say, im pretty sure that the degree i want to pursue (either social science or english lit.) will have nothing to do, at least in whole, with the rest of my life.
i have seen to much of the world to not want to take advantage of the education that is mine for the taking, it just doesn't factor in that i wouldn't receive the education that is so freely open to me.
im looking forward to this change, but im also a little sad at the thought of leaving this place.
new adventure, set before me...im ready!

secular and sacred?

so theres this unspoken rule when it comes to religion that defines the difference between "secular" and "sacred". everything we do is either one of these. when we go to church sunday morning, it is sacred, when we are in our car sitting in traffic on our way to work, its secular. when we say our nightly prayers, it is sacred, and when we go out on the town it is secular. at least, this is always how we have viewed daily life. separation between church and state...written into our constitution.
i would like to propose (though there have been hundreds before me, im sure) a new train of thought: there is no difference.
let me back up. lets define the words secular and sacred. according to dictionary.com;

secular:

1.	of or pertaining to worldly things or to things that are not regarded as religious, spiritual, or sacred; temporal: secular interests.

2.	not pertaining to or connected with religion (opposed to sacred): secular music.

3.	(of education, a school, etc.) concerned with nonreligious subjects.

sacred:

1.	devoted or dedicated to a deity or to some religious purpose; consecrated.

2.	entitled to veneration or religious respect by association with divinity or divine things; holy.

3.	pertaining to or connected with religion (opposed to secular or profane): sacred music; sacred books.

they are definitive, and very different.
back to the new train of thought.
no difference.
i believe that no matter what we are doing, saying, listening to, hearing, reading, or any other -ing im forgetting, we can be worshiping God.
to demonstrate this, i would like to show you the lyrics to coldplay's new song, viva la vida:

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemies eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing:
"Now the old king is dead, long live the king!"

One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt, and pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword, my shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
Once you go there was never, never an honest word
That was when I ruled the world

It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn't believe what I'd become

Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string (Ooooh)
Ah, who would ever want to be king?

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword, and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

Ooooh Ooooh Ooooh Ooooh Ooooh
(repeat with chorus)

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword, my shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world
Oooooooh Oooooooh Oooooooh

if you dissect these lyrics, or look at them with eyes to see, you can see many layers of what he is singing about, the least of which is jesus, in my opinion.
that is the beauty of songs, you can interpret them however you wish, because they are a form of art, and art tends to be open to interpretation...but this is another discussion for another day.

i was listening to the radio the other day, and this song came on, and as i was listening, really listening, i was struck by how a hugely mainstream "secular" artist could write such profoundly spiritual lyrics. perhaps they are not as secular as the trend is to think?

im not really sure where i am wanting to go with this, so i will end with a proposal;
i propose to you that today when you listen to the radio, open your ears in a new way and listen for the deeper meaning. when you watch a movie, see if there is a deeper, semi-hidden message the author is trying to convey. and look inside a bible, because it is so surprising the themes we find in there that we find over and over again in daily life.

this video is by sigur ros, an icelandic, 'secular' band...

God is a God of ordinary days...

so i was at the gas station today, and as i was watching a million dollars fly out of the pump (doesn't it really feel like that nowadays?) i realized that my tires could use a little air. i drive my car over to the air and water pump, and paid 75 cents for the air i breathe. but it didn't start. so i go in, ask him to turn it on, and with a glare he does. but then the hose was stuck, i couldn't get it to go more than three feet. so i go in again, and kindly explain to the man that the hose is stuck and i cant get it out, and after staring at me with a blank look and a shrug of the shoulders, a man in line offers to help me out.
as you read that, was your first thought, "run away, quick, don't trust him!" mine sure was. he was an hispanic middle-aged man who has worked with his hands in the sun his whole life. and im pretty sure he was missing a few teeth. my instinct was to slam the door shut and peel out, but i fought it, and said, okay, as my feet were already following him out the door. my brain was doing battle, do i trust him or not? i always felt like, in the situation, i would rather hurt someones feelings by being guarded and not trusting them, rather than get myself into major trouble, but when i was faced with reality, i decided to choose the path of Jesus, and do unto others. i decided i was going to trust him, because even though i live in the middle of the valley, it was broad daylight and there were a million cars in line. and if i wanted to help someone out, i would want them to trust me.
so he helps me get the hose unstuck, and insists on filling my tires for me. now my first thought was, "he wants money." how pathetic of me. he didn't, of course, but if he did, shouldn't i be able to offer a few dollars to a kind gentleman helping out a lady? he was very nice, and when i called him sir he protested, saying it made him feel old. when the air ran out before we were finished, he went in and insisted that the air get turned back on, without me having to pay anything. he said that for as much business as he gives them (i wonder how many cars he has?), they can do him a favor too. and they did. a bit petulantly, if you ask me, but what can you expect from a gas station attendant? im sure with the price of gas today his customers as less than thrilled when they see him, so really, who can blame him entirely? he got the air turned on twice more for me, i would have had to pay $2.25 for stupid AIR otherwise. im fully against the idea of having to pay for air, it sounds so ridiculous i can hardly get the sentence out. anyway, the man helps me, saves me a dollar, and all ends well. as i was driving away, i was thinking about who i am, the kind of person who instantly judges someone by the stories they've heard, and is on guard at all times. i don't want people to be on guard when they are around me, so shouldn't i show trust to others? how else are we going to change this world?
the bible says that the only way people will know we are "christians" is by our love. i hope that today i showed a little bit more faith to one man than he probably gets in a month. (i use " " around christians, because i hesitate to use that word to define myself...this is a whole 'nother blog...historically christians haven't done a very good job showing jesus to people, but rather making them run farther away, and i don't want to be like that. i don't want to be associated with hellfire and brimstone protestors, soap-box preachers, and televangelists that only want your money. im not trying to speak ill of them, because they have a message too, but i am saying that i am a person of love, or i desire to be, and that, above all else, is what i want to shine through.)

as i was on the freeway, on my way home from running errands, an older black suburban drove by me. now, you know how you can by those stupid fake bullet holes to put on your car? well, this guy had a bunch on his, only...they were real!!! real bullet holes!!! it was not the most pleasant of images, but i did find a little irony that on the 118 i saw what most people see on the news. well.

outreach video

i couldn't figure out how to get the video to show here, so click here to watch the slide show we put together to display a small piece of what our outreach looked like. enjoy...and let me know what you think!

relationships.

im beginning to understand more fully just how important, how vital, relationships are to our daily lives. to be free, to be sustained, to feel like you are really living, you need relationships. god created us for that! and the best thing about it is when they reflect his character. think about it: god the father, son and holy spirit. (ok so theres this whole three-in-one thing that is just a mystery to us...if you are frustrated when it comes to mysteries of god, check out ecclesiastes 3:11) the three are in relationship to each other. perfect relationship, self sustaining, needing nothing, because it is made out of perfect love. and out of the overflow of that perfect love? us. humans.

what a gift, to be in community with others. ive complained a lot about how hard it is to live this life, everything we do seems pretty extreme. and it gets hard. but for all the hard there is so much good, and thats something ive been thinking about lately.

this life is hard, you spend five solid months pouring everything you have into others, opening your heart for all to see, and you share it, praying that it will be well received, and not hurt. and sometimes it is. but you still press on, and press in, completely leaving yourself vulnerable, because that is the only position you can be in. it is the only thing that can bring success. then you leave the country for two months, and live in harsh conditions, where absolutely everything about yourself, the people with you, and god is magnified and way more intense than normal. you adjust to this, adjust to having less, seeing heart-breaking sights everyday. then some plane rides later, bam. you're back in the states, having to re-adjust to everything you've known as normal your whole entire life, and its a lot harder than you think. except its a little bit different now. you find yourself realizing that so many things are unnecessary. there is so much more out there than your little world, and you want everyone to know about it! you want to share your experiences with others, but find that they just don't understand, and sometimes, just aren't interested. then, staying here, you live inside a bubble, where everyone is similar to you, as far as vision and experience goes. living in community with other believers, sharing your lives; good, bad, ugly. this cycle repeats itself year after year, and you find yourself going numb to the goodbye process, making it short and quick, less you allow yourself to experience the hurt that comes with saying goodbye to someone so dear and special to you, who has been a huge part of your life, and growth.

this, in part (because truly, how can i fully describe what my life is? you just have to come here and experience it for yourself) is what my life is like. and you want to know something? for all the pain, it is so worth it, and i feel like i don't deserve to be a part of this, because who am i? and that is grace. it makes life unfair. what a wonderful state to live in.

and back to relationships. i cant imagine a life without people in it, adding to and expanding my life experiences. my life is so much fuller and richer because of the people in it, and i know that no matter where i go, i will always surround myself with people, because people are what its all about. loving god, and loving people. that is all we are asked to do. and what fun it can be besides!

when you look deep inside yourself, really far down, to the place below the place where you can lie to yourself, you will see the same, that you crave people to surround you. im not talking constantly, all the time, no breaks, never alone, no alone time. but as a whole, we need people. we do.

and the next thought i think is about the type of people i surround myself with. the first thing i know is that i need people who challenge me. who challenge me to be a better person, challenge my thoughts and beliefs, because then they can become my own. people who challenge life, because i am so prone to just go with the flow and question nothing.
i will always surround myself with people who love jesus, because i know that no matter what happens, we can depend on that commonality to get us through.
i want to always surround myself with people who don't believe in or know jesus, because i want to always be sharing the love and truth that i have found. what they do with it is up to them, but i cant hide this love!

this video isn't the greatest, but its the best version of the song i could find. as i was writing this, this song kept playing itself in my head, so i thought i would share. the artist is keith green, who ministered in the seventies and part of the eighties. his story is worth reading about, and if you are interested, click here to find out more. this song is one of my favorites, its fun and silly, and speaks so much truth. enjoy!

You put this love in my heart - Keith Green

life back at the base: low, quiet, and most welcome. this summer will find me hiding out in the office, away from the desert heat. its been two weeks since ive returned to the states, but it feels like two months. its been surprisingly hard to readjust to life here, which i was not expecting. a lot of things just seem so unnecessary and wasteful to me, but all i can do is find my own balance of whats okay for me. the biggest difference? gas prices! when i left it was just under three dollars...now its way over four! in ten weeks! im not driving anymore. i refuse. tonight my roommates and i had a quiet night at home, eating dinner and watching tv, we watched celebrity circus, and i hate to admit it, but i kind of like it! the company was better :)
so this is pretty much a waste of a blog, and ive had nothing interesting lately, i apologize for that, i promise, i will get my head on straight and start writing something worth reading!

moving on.

a sigh of relief. breathing easier. whew.
ive been home a few days now, and its been wonderful being amongst family, letting them take care of me and make decisions for me, take the lead in all and let me sit back and ride along. he last three months were way too full of decisions, now im enjoying not having to be quite so responsible. God has really met me and carried me through the heart/gut-wrenching process of saying goodbye, and letting go of the last five months. he has helped me to really get to a place where im not on the verge of tears or screaming really quickly, and i am so grateful! im getting ready for the next phase, summer, and im looking forward to being with my roommates, hiding out in our house from all the heat, a slower pace for the next couple months. i have no idea what the next season of life has to offer me, i have no idea where i will be, or what i will be doing, but i do know that it is only with God that i want to do it! everything else just isn't enough, nothing is as satisfying or fulfilling as being in the will of God, nothing is as fun or exciting, how could i try to do anything else? i don't want to! ive never found the peace, love, and fulfillment of life in anything other than God, and what an exciting and thrilling life!
:)

its the end of the world as we know it...

a bit extreme perhaps, but certainly closer to how i am feeling these last few days. today is grad. tomorrow i never see most of these people again. my heart is getting ripped out, once again. i remember before this school started, wondering why i said yes, when i knew that once it was over i would be miserable knowing that i just went though this all over again. can i curl up in a ball on the floor and block everything out and just cry? that exactly how ive felt at the end of every school, and why would this be any exception? this is probably the worst. these students have found a place in my heart that is only for them, and the last five months have been such a joy, exploring who they are, and coming alongside them and championing them further into their destiny with Jesus. what a freaking privilege! as im typing this, all of their faces are running in front of my eyes, and i JUST DONT WANT TO SAY GOODBYE!! :( not many dts staff could say this, but i wish i could spend another five months with them. the thing i think about most is the first three months, the lecture phase. seeing brand new people coming to a place they really have no idea about, searching for God and not knowing whats about to happen, to see them wrestle through issues, pasts, hurts, and identities to come to a place of love like they have never experienced is something to be cherished. every single student has taught me a valuable lesson, and im so freaking blessed to live this life, how did i get so lucky? i love you Lord! i just don't know what to say, theres so much on my heart, but i can hardly squeeze the words out. maybe in a few days, when all of my emotions have calmed, and im over stupid jet-lag, ill try again...

home again home again jiggidy jig!

america the beautiful how i have missed thee!
after 17 hours of travel, i descended the escalator at lax and almost cried at the beautiful sign saying welcome to the united states of america! the passport control guy said, "welcome home, miss", and i beamed in delight. yes, sir, i AM home!
time is weird weird thing. i feel like i was just here, and at the same time that ive been gone for at least a year. i think a little bit of my brain is still somewhere hovering over the pacific. i cam home to a wonderful reception of my house mates waiting up for me, and lovely signs welcoming me home. sigh, i truly love living here! i missed you guys!
i feel like there is so much to write about, i just dont know where to begin. perhaps i shall write a bit later today, after all, there is much laundry and cleaning to be done. after a very full week of debrief as a school, we have a few days left here, and then its all over with! wow. wow.

bugbites and fireflies.

ahhhh. after a scorching hot shower, im pretty sure all remnants from the buddhist eco-village have been washed away. we spent three glorious nights sleeping in clay huts with tin roofs, or some of us, straw roofs. we were under mosquito netting, but with all the holes, we still got eaten alive. literally. i stopped counting bug bits after forty. and the gnats? who even swats them away anymore? the first night, tiesha and i got all snuggled on our mats (it might have well been just cement...they were pretty threadbare) and were chatting when all of the sudden, the rain hit! it was SO loud on that tin roof, and the huts are anything but sealed, and on her side of the wall there are wooden slats at the top, and the roof is above the line, there are holes everywhere....we had a fine mist to cool us down as we tried to fall asleep! for the first time in several years, i didnt wear earplugs, because the sound of the frogs and the crickets was too beautiful. if not thunderously loud. weve learned a lot about eco-living. they showed us how to cut some sort of water plant, that we chopped into bits, that they ferment and use as something for something...yeah. we picked mangosteens from the orchards (yumm!!! my official new favorite fruit), and had a wallpoing good time with the children, when they would come at night. we didn't shower. at all. for four days. well, most of us. pretty sick. the boys smelled disgusting! haha. it was a very relaxed atmosphere, everyone was more interested in living life than anything else, and we just went with the flow. speaking of flow! night before last, after it got darak they took us in boats down the mangrove swamp to watch the fireflys!!! we dont have those in california, and i could have cried at the beauty. it was the most incredible experience! it was dark out, the swamp resembled something similar to the swamps in lousianna, it was so quiet and peaceful, and the trees were full of glowing buggies! we were out there for a good hour or so, and i could have stayed all night. have you been on the pirates of the caribbean ride at disneyland? it sort of resembled that, minus the cannons and yo-ho'ing. we are back at the guest house, and tomorrow we are going to the pattya gardens, where from the sound of it, we will experience something simliar to what a luau is to hawaii. im so excited! on monday we are heading to the wonderful hotel-o-debrief, where we will meet up with the rest of the school, and enjoy a solid ten days of pool, beach, good food, maybe a massage or two, more pool, and lots and lots of stories! i must go now...mcdonalds at the mall is calling us!

a quick word...

with the cyclone in burma, and the earthquake in china, there are disasters all around us! but we are fine, about to head to a buddhist eco-village until friday afternoon, to learn about their culture, and introduce them to ours. after that, ministry is over and debrief begun! as it is a village, there will be no internet, so until friday....
oh, and ps: the team we have in china is fine. the earthquake hit the same province they are in, but everyone is okay and im pretty sure that where they are, they didnt even feel it. praise Him!

birthday!

its my birthday! im 23 years young, nd my lovely team has been....lovely! they put together a very special birthday breakfast of french toast, scrambled eggs, and orange juice! rare and precious commodities in these parts! i got some wonderful books and journals from my family, which gary has been so graciously holding onto for me, and my roommates put together a very funny card, which was the perfect thing to wake up to! knowing you are loved is the most important thing about a birthday, i suppose. i have no idea what the rest of the day hold, as we are getting ready to leave tonight on yet another sleeper bus (grr!) headed to our very last ministry location! we will be in rayong, on the east-ish coast of thailand, working with a vineyard church for three days, and then its off to the village! and then...debrief!! i cant believe were almost done, it really does seem like forever ago that we started. weve been on this crazy adventure now for 50 days!!! sheesh! theres not much new to report...the old siam was disappointing, it was a bunch of crumbling brick temples, and no one spoke english, our translator wasnt much help, so we had no idea about anything. oh well, we still had fun!
until next time...

its a heat waaaave...

its getting hot hot hot...
its so HOTTT here!!!! aaahhhh!!! truly i am experiencing a heat wave of ginormous proportions. this morning we were hoeing weeds, and sweat is just dripping everywhere. then this afternoon, a fuse blew, so we dont have any fans to keep the sweat at bay, somewhat. i just checked the weather report, and today is 100 degrees, 41 % humidity. no joke. you only thought i was being dramatic. i shall never complain about california heat ever again. ever.
weve been given some work to do around the grounds, hoeing weeds. the most pointless of tasks, because what they want specifically, is for us to get the weeds out, but to leave the top soil, so basically we are using cover up on a pimple. haha! really, we are getting the weeds out, and raking over the top, and doing the same thing the next day. in this heat. this morning i saw all the sprouts of lovely little weeds coming up from the first place we worked on. maybe they think its grass? whatever. bottom line is, we are blessing them, and the ministry, and that is what counts. and i learned how to cook thai food today! well, the most basic of thai dishes, curry. ask me over sometime, ill cook it for you :)
oh! so, theres a wedding taking place in the village tomorrow, and here, weddings are three-day events. so yesterday, bright and early (no joke, six o clock), music started blaring over loudspeakers. they do this for THREE DAYS! all day long. it doesnt stop till somewhere around midnight. sometimes it gets so loud you have to yell a little to be heard. thankfully we'll be gone for most of tomorrow, seeing where the original capital of thailand, back when it was known as siam, was located. i love history! im very much looking forward to it. we were invited to the wedding, im pretty sure as a formality, as the pastor were working with is presiding over it, but we gracefully (hopefully!) declined. talk about awkward, crashing a strangers wedding, AND being the only white people. might be a little obvious.
we leave the day after tomorrow, and except for a four day excursion into a buddhist eco-village to live and sleep amongst them, well be staying in a guest house, which no matter how cheap it is will still be nicer than anything weve been living in so far, until debrief, when we hit the jackpot of nice accomodations. how sweet it is! im VERY much looking forward to sleeping in air-con from now on. not that im complaining :) haha, why start now?
ive been lingering on this blog long enough, and i just got worried that the power might go down, and ill lose every precious word ive spent some much time forming into coherent ideas and statements...its happened before. more than once. grr.
sawatii kaa!

i have no idea for a title...

here i am, once again....
so yesterday was church day, and church was...well...as you might expect an overseas church in a rural area might be. it was long (though nothing can beat the easter service in south africa...6 hours!!), and not at all organized...not at all. gary gave the message, which was quite good, and they presented us with little chirstmas tree quilts and thank you cards for the work weve done. we then went to a church members home for lunch, which wasnt bad. rice and some sort of green curry-ish type dish. they all fell asleep after that, which was kind of funny, and when they woke up (they being most of the church, about 20 people were there), we had worship, and the pastor preached, or something, for about a half hour.
it was gray and overcast, and had rained a little bit off and on, but oh, no, we were going to see some waterfalls! this poor team just has had the work luck with waterfalls. check out my blog on that adventure from the philippines...and now this. they were only trying to bless us....we drove this time, no hiking, thank the sweet baby Jesus! we drive for a looong distance, in the back of a truck (its true mom, im sorry!), and when we get there, i started laughing out loud. the stupid "waterfall" was a giant trickle coming down man-made rocks. the slightly swimmable portion of it was brown and murky....what a waste!! but they tried. it was sweet. they ended up taking us to the local community pool, our favorite hang-out in town (which btw is about a twenty minute drive). and they watched us swim. in overcast weather. kind of awkward, but whatever!
a few days ago we had a day off.
the caves! oh, the caves.
so yes.
on our day off, they lovingly thought we would enjoy going to check out some local caves. personally, i dont care, ive been in caves before, seen it once, seen it all, is my philosophy. i didnt really have an interest in going, but i didnt vocalize any of that. of course not. a leader would never do that. so we go, and its...well..some big holes in rock formations. kinda smelly, kinda boring. but whatever. some of the people started making fun of one of the girls, and mama bear came out! i was ready to start cracking skulls, no one dares make fun of one of my chickys! i felt so protective and motherly, its apparent that leading this outreach is somewhat helping in preparing me for motherhood (one day looooong from now!!). i was so angry i couldnt even look at them, so she and i went back and waited for everyone else. after cooling off (both of us), and when the rest of the team got back, they thought we would enjoy seeing the worlds oldest teak tree. which we didnt, but tried our hardest to not let that show, and instead thank them for all that they were doing for us. it was really lame, but thats not what its about. they then drove us to this really pretty dam (i think its the queens dam? or something) for lunch, which was pretty good. i dont remember what we had. all i remember is gary and i had a wonderful conversation, and i got iced coffee! they said that they wanted to take us swimming (our group just loves the water!), and we drove to the most disgusting place ive ever seen! it was some sort of floating village, there were probably forty houses/businessess, all run-down and shanty-like, floating on brown, murky, polluted water. it was in the middle of what looked like a bmx-bike course, all dirt hills. one of my rules of thumb on outreach is, if the locals are swimming, so can i. there was not a person to be found anywhere near that nasty-ness. the whole thing made you wonder what they did when they went to the bathroom...sick. we took one look at it, told our translator no way, and they took us back to the swimming pool. ahhhh, sweet, chlorinated water that kills anything on your skin, refreshing water of life!!
all in all though, things are going well here, seriously!
until next time...

uttar-a-whatta??

uttaradit. the middle of nowhere in the middle of thailand. the place im calling home for 12 days. its hard. really hard. we went to work, as in help with their construction project. we cant do a thing. they are doing cement work, and its pretty precise stuff, and as none of us are trained, we cant do anything. the first day, we tried, but they just undid everything we did and went over it. none of them speak english, and its been quite tough trying to communicate that we arent lazy, we want to work. they just arent giving us work to do. work that we can do. we sleep under mosquto nets, and last night we had an attack of termites.
did you know that termites fly?! well, for some part of their life cycle. they have wings (four of them!) and fly around at night, attracted to light. last night tiesha brittany and i were under our net talking, and a swarm came into our room (we do have windows, but the space above is totally open, the WOODen siding has rotted through, or maybe its just work of the termites, there are giant gaps in our wall) and proceded to crawl all over our net. it was absolutely disgusting. after a while we got a clue, and turned the light off. when we turned it back on, all of the critters had gone, but their wings were everywhere! apparently its part of the life cycle of a termite. they are born, they fly around in swarms, they lose their wongs, and crawl off to some wooden space to colonize. gross. the huge fan in our room (praise him!) kept the nastys stuck to the netting, and the wings were being pushed through onto our beds! sick. all night long i was sure they were crawling all over me (of course they werent). we did have a really good talk into the night though :).
all in all, we are doing quite well, i dont want to sound like im complaining, God has been teaching me so much about hoping in Him, and how to display grace to others, i never knew i had that much in me! my birthday is on the last day here, which isnt ideal, and when one of my teammates heard i was turning 23, he said, "what! i dint kow you were that old!" i quote. i have never felt old, until that moment. im excited though.
its funny, the ladies from the church prepare our meals, as well as the workers, and one thing ive found i can do is to sit with them, and help in whatever way they give me. usually i peel garlic and onions. they speak not a word of english, but we smile and talk to eachother anyway, its really quite hilarious. it reminds me of the ladies at my church, or any church, im sure, when the ladies all get together and prepare food for everyone, chit-chatting away and laughing. it makes me feel a little bit like im home.
ok i have to go now, everyones going to leave me!
i miss everyone and cant wait to get back home and see you!!

the three L's

as a leader, there are a few (well, a million wouldnt fit, so well stick with a few) lessons im learning along the way, they are the three L's of leadership, i would like to call them. they are, in no particular order, as follows:

leaders:

1. listen

2. are always last

3. need to have a whooole lot of love!

number one: ive learned that as a leader, the biggest gift i can give to me leadee (?) is simply listening to them. sometimes, you just need a safe ear to vent to, and then everything has worked itself out in the course of words spilling forth into the air. i know thats the case with me most of the time. if im not listening, always interjecting my thoughts and opinions, no matter how right or wise they may be, im not really caring for my student, and giving them quality time. i think thats what they are after, after all.

number two: always, always, always, leaders are last. no matter what it is, i am always last. when we leave a location, we stick behind to make sure everything got cleaned up and thrown away. always last in line, of course so we can pay. last to the internet cafes, as we usually need to got to the store and buy food or supplies. the demands of the team always preceed our own demands, and as such, we are always last. this is the hardest lesson for me to truly grasp, and live in, but ive had many wonderful leaders in my life who have demonstrated the grace and composure that accompanies this pasrticular lesson.

number three: love. lots and lots and lots of love. because not everyone on the team is always going to love eachother, and everyone needs to feel accepted. i HAVE to have a lot of love for every student here, otherwise i will let me emotions and human-ness take over and very quicckly will make an annoyed face and say sarcastic things (which unfortunatly, i have done more times than i care to admit), which is pretty much the most un-loving thing to do. this lesson is one that im demanding God meet me on the most, and He has come through perfectly. such is His character. Go God! haha. thankfully, i am part of a team that is pretty easy to love (most of the time :), and who loves me in return, even when i make mistakes. for that, i am most grateful, and for that state, mutual love flowing between both parties, makes absolutely everything worth it, and fun besides! i never knew i had the capacity for so much love, and i know this is only the beginning of a life-long journey of discovering just how much love i am actually capable of receving, and returning. good thing God is love :)

well, we are about to head to chiang mai, which is apparently the western capital of thailand, AND THEY HAVE STARBCKS! notice the emphasis on that sentance, haha, more so than any other statement previously made. i plan on dropping my stuff off in my (hotel!) room, spending a major amount of quality alone time in my favorite place ever (besides my home, of course!), meet gary at pizza hut, and spend my evening trolling the night market in search of the best deals for sarongs, a jewelry box, and maybe some dvd's :)

au revoire!

psalm 121.

so wow.
yesterday we packed our bags for an overnight stay in a karen (pronounced kuh-wren) village.
we were supposed to leave at 2, headed out after 4, and did a few open-airs along the way. well, my role during those is to start and stop the music, haha. we had dinner at a local dive and sang kareoke...for reals! i wasnt feeling too well, but still managed to get up there and sing some good ole shakira (though nothing holds a flame to antti DANCING like shakira!!).
we made it to the church around nine, the church had a cement foundation, was maybe 50X50 in measurement, and wasnt sealed on top, so lots of lovely and not-so-lovely bugs found their way onto and into our beds. which were mats on the floor. the last time we went up into a cillage it was considerably colder, cool even, so we prepared for that. not a chance! it was a heat wave of magnatudal (magnatudal? is that a word?) proportions! sweat was accumulating everywhere, breathing was heavy work, and swatting mosquitos was no fun. it was pretty bad sleep for all, and it didnt add to my sweet dreams that the pastor said that there were tigers that lived in those hills!!! i was pretty pissed at first, hearing that, but God quickly calmed me down and gave me a good dose of peace (seriously, it was God, i was freaking out, who would remain calm under those circumstances, normally!!). we woke up, i noticed about 15 new mosquito bited, ate rice and nescafe (as gary like to call it, nesCRAPfe) 3 in1 coffee (coffeee, cream and sugar!), and made our way to a refugee camp.
i have neither time nor brain power to relate to you the situation of the karen people as it stands now, but it is a long, bloody, persecuted history, please look it up, it really is worth reading about. the refugee camp consisted of 50,000 refugees, who couldnt leave the camp, their entire lives were spent in a few kilometer raduis. talk about not having a world view. we talked with a teacher there, who shared about the people, and went to a handicapped home to pray with a few people. we had a bit of time to walk around and see everything, and as i was praying, i didnt feel burdened or depressed by what i was witnessing, but peaceful, i felt like God was showing me another part of His creation, and telling me to enjoy it. not the plight of the people, but the fact that i could stand there and pray to Him and worship, in the middle of a refugee camp. so i did. psalm 121 came to mind, and it so fit with what i saw before my eyes. what a wonderful God.
we are headed to chiang mai the day after tomorrow for an overnight vacation, which im going to take full avantage of, as the two weeks coming after are jam-packed with work to be done (seriously, in our last location we will be building a clay wall, as well as staying in mud huts! i am much looking forward to it though, and cant wait to write about more adventures!