When I first moved home, I thought that I would have a really hard time adjusting, and have to fight for a lot of stuff. But I had a really grace-full transition, I was welcomed with open arms by so many groups of people, and given homes in more than just my own, if that makes sense. I started working with the youth at church right away, so I had (have) an avenue to pour into people everything inside of me.
I have been home just over three months now, and this last week I have found myself struggling, really struggling. It seems that my fight is beginning now. I realized that my relationship with God has been severely lacking, apparently I thought I could live my life without Him, for a good part. Have I not learned better?
Everything seems to be finally hitting me, and it has not been easy. I have to initiate my relationship with God, I have to be the one to seek after him, to seek His presence daily. No one will do that for me, no one will hand that to me. The hardest part for me is no longer living in a community where we are all walking the same road, all understand each other so clearly. There was always someone to ask me how my relationship with God is going, always someone to offer to pray for me, always someone to encourage me, to challenge me. It was a two-way street, and this is the group of people I worked, lived, and played with.
I love the community I am in now, and am so grateful to everyone who has loved me, and who has become an intricate part of my heart, so please hear only what I am saying.
I just miss being around people who deeply understand me.
I know specifically that the Lord has me here, now, and I don't want to miss a minute of it, but how often am I worshiping the Lord in His splendor? I can do that anywhere, yet it lacks in my life lately.
There is a purpose for me being here, now, and I don't want to miss out, on any of that.
If you are reading this, I would love your prayers that I would have the discipline to stand firm in the love and all lessons I have learned in my time away and abroad.
2 comments:
I hear you and feel you clearly sister friend. I find myself more and more neglecting my relationship with God...I suck. Good thing He doesnt, hey?
love you and cant wait to see you!!!
Each and every day, find a quite spot and spend a few minutes alone in thought, reflection, prayer, worship...five minutes a day is all you need. When you feel doubt, find that spot.
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